Lost Boy Scouts Podcast

Swell AI Transcript: S1 E11.wav
00:00 Tyler Welcome to the last Boy Scouts podcast. We're your hosts. I'm Danny and I'm Tyler.

00:11 Danny Welcome to the show. How are you? Dude, July was a roller coaster. It was a month for you. Dude, I calculated I was at home eight days, eight days, eight days is all I spent at home. Wow. It was a month for you. Oh, I had such an amazing month. Yeah. Bit of a roller coaster emotionally, personally, personal things going on. But you know, had a great time in Kauai, hit Kauai with the kids for the last eight days. That's cool. Man, do I have a story from Kauai? Let's see. I went to a we so I booked a Airbnb, booked this trip very last minute. So I booked a Airbnb I booked with Hertz. And of course, we've got six hours of travel. Well, it was closer to 12 hours of travel because cheapo dad here purchased, you know, last minute tickets with a stupid layover on Honolulu. And I got some not great advice that like, hey, Honolulu airports kind of out there. Don't don't try to get out of the airport and go see something. We had five hours, five hours in the Honolulu airport, in the airport, which it's not a pretty airport. Oh, it's not a pretty airport. And like the best thing you could eat was Burger King. So we got some really bad advice. If you ever have a five hour layover in Honolulu, get out and see. Like you were we were like, you know, 40 minutes away from Pearl Harbor and like all that. So we could have we could have snuck out and seen some some of the sites and share. I kick myself for not being a better leader. But you know, you live and you learn. Yeah, you live and you learn. Yeah. So we we we endure this epic, epic layover. My kids did amazing. We get to the Hertz rental car in in Kauai and I can't find my American Express and I prepaid the Hertz rental. I'm like, I got us a Jeep. We're going to do some off road. We're going to, you know, we're going to put the Jeep through the paces and you know, the lady at the counter, it's nine o'clock. I've had this. I held it together. Sure. I held it together. You've done your best. I did my best. He really did. She was she was very nice. She's like, could you even have the numbers? I like I call American Express. They won't give me the number over the phone. You know, they're just being safe. I didn't have it. Thought I had a picture of it somewhere. Ended up having to cancel the booking. She rebooked me a car, but she gave me a serious upgrade. So props to Hertz for making it right. You know, the car we had was perfect. Fittest great. It was cheaper. So we saved a little bit of money on the rental car, which is good because no Jeep. It was a four wheel drive. We didn't end up doing some of the Jeep trails we thought we would we would do. Sure. Which is OK. I mean, we're new to the island, new to Hawaii. We were happy to just be there. We drove from the airport. I think it's the Hui. I don't know how to pronounce all the Hawaiian names wrong. I'm butchering the Hawaiian language. It's about 40 minute drive to our Airbnb. I book an Airbnb show up. Apparently there's this new thing with Airbnb where you take your condo or better yet, you find somebody who has a condo or timeshare, you buy that from them and then you relisted on Airbnb. And we showed up to this resort and they had no idea who we were at 11 o'clock at night. Oh, no. Did not want to provide us a room. So I call Airbnb.

03:35 Tyler Can't get a hold of the person who booked it because there's like a like a like a guest liaison. Yeah, like a check in person.

03:42 Danny Yeah, yeah. Because I mean, it's technically it's a timeshare, right? I ended up having to book a very, very expensive night at the the Westin Hotel. It was beautiful. I like wanted to potentially change to that resort. But it was it was ridiculous. And of course, the kids are at this point exhausted. They're slapping. I think we all cried in the car. They're like, I'm done.

04:05 Tyler Yeah. This is not the vacation I want.

04:07 Danny Yeah. Yeah. Let's go home. Yeah. So yeah, we made the best of it. Once we got all the things worked out with Airbnb and Airbnb took care of us. They refunded some of the money and we had a great time. Never been to Hawaii like it. Never been to Hawaii. You were on Kauai the whole time. We'll cry the whole time. It's the Garden Island. And it's like we're dressing park. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And if you are into hiking, if you're into surfing, if you're into snorkeling, like the island has it all. It has it all. My only complaint is it was crowded. Lots of people, lots of people. Could be like, if you know how to time it, you probably do a lot better. Sure. You know, I'll stick to Mexico. Well, yeah, me too.

04:46 Tyler I tell people all the time, like, listen, I know Hawaii. Misty wants to go to Hawaii. I know that it's something that I should do for her, but I'm always like, why? Right. I go to Mexico and I, they want me there. They enjoy my company. Yeah. I make friends with the people. Yeah. I make friends. Facebook followers, Instagram followers, right? They check on me. I check on them. When I go down there, I've been down to the same resort now for almost five years and everybody knows me. Everybody is like, oh, Danny, MMA, MMA, MMA, you know, because of my ears and whatnot. And it's such a great time. Why would I go to something where I'm like that, where I'm like, well, there's so many people here. Plus, you know, I've heard the Hawaiians don't really want me there. And I'm like, what? I don't want, I want you to want me there. I'm a good dude, man. Yeah. I think like it would be, I think like you and I have the Jiu-Jitsu background so we could go to a Jiu-Jitsu cabin.

05:50 Danny I found one. Yeah. Made some friends. I didn't, I just went into the juice shop and they, I asked them about it and I didn't bring a gear or anything. Okay. I need to be better. I need to be more disciplined at training and other gyms. It was across the island, but we talked to Jiu-Jitsu for like half an hour. She made smoothies. I got my blue belt. Okay. It was the blue belt smoothie. That's awesome. Yeah. I told him I was testing and, uh, they were like totally excited and said we should, you know, why should I, I should have come trained and yeah.

06:19 Tyler You know, what should have, could have. Yeah. Right. And Hawaii has some, uh, some really good Jiu-Jitsu people. Yeah. Some really good. I was telling the story today. Uh, BJ Penn says, um, one of the greatest, um, Jiu-Jitsu moves or things that he's learned in Jiu-Jitsu and a lot of it is to how to like not get into a fight. And he said, one of the greatest martial arts skills I've learned is just putting, he puts his hand out and the guy puts his hand out and they shake hands and he's like, that's

06:49 Danny what it is. That's it. That's it. That would do. That's the same thing that my guy, Zach was doing. Um, who connected? We connected on Instagram. You did. So stoked. Yeah. Um, you know, I told him we got him, gave him a little shout out in the last episode. So hopefully he's still, still listening. And that was it. Like you catch more flies with, with honey than you do. Um, you do salt or vinegar or whatever their viscous fluid you're using to catch flies these days. Yeah. So, uh, it's been a month, man. We had a great response to every episodes. For sure. Yeah.

07:22 Tyler Um, major changes. Yeah. So much, so much has been going on, right? Like tonight, just in tonight, we went to training, Tyler and I hadn't seen each other for nine days and, and, and I was like, I was, I wanted to text him cause I had a bunch of stuff going on, but I knew he was with his kids. And that's part of one of those things where you're like, you have all these like feelings, but you have this like person that you talk to and person that you share your, some of the things with. And, and as a man, like sometimes you, you, you always need, like once you start venting, it's like, um, sometimes you're like, man, am I holding too much in? Cause there was a lot going on in my life and I knew you were with their kids. And so I'd be like, I'm going to reach out to him. I need to talk to him. And then I'm like, Oh, but he's with his kids. I don't want to like bother him, you know? So when we seen each other tonight, we gave each other a big hug. Yeah. And we were like, man, there's so much we can talk about. Right. And so training tonight was really, really fun. Oh, we had a lot of new people for the class. So I had to like really, really make it so basic and try to keep everybody else engaged in the class. Right. And some classes are just very basic. So where you're like, okay, I know tonight there's just so many new faces. I'm not a pro prof, prof, proficient adult instructor. I think I do a good job, but, um, I haven't been teaching very many adult classes right now. So I was like, I'm just going to keep it so basic and so simple. And, um, to the point of like weird solely self-defense, right? And I could hear like you guys like, um, talking to them about little more, more, more in detail. And I was like, that's the way it's supposed to go. Like I can't go too far in detail because I'm the instructor. And so then we're standing there and I, all of a sudden I look over and I see Nick Jacks walk in and I'm like, man, it's going to be a rough night. Yeah. How it walks in. And it's like, Oh man. And I had planned, I was like, Hey, I need to be out of there by eight 30 because I knew we had to podcast. I knew that Misty was going to want to walk the dogs. We, uh, Tripp and I had an eight and right. And I'm like, man, as soon as he walked in, I was like, well, there goes that plan. Yeah. We're, we're, I'm staying here through 20 rounds. And it was buzzing. Yeah. It was buzzing. It was good.

09:47 Danny Good, good 20 rounds. I mean, obviously I felt like in vacation mode, I'll move a little slower. Um, you had some battles. Yeah. I have to get back on my diet. I think, I think I put on a little, a little kawaii weight, a little, a little, a little Kahlua piglet at this point. So, yeah, I'll be back in the gym, you know, moving into August, kids get back into school, try to get back into the routine. And like, for me, it was super important that we record tonight and get this out. I'm going to try to get it out as close to our normal time on Friday. But for me, it's consistency, right? Everybody wants perfect. Sure. And I definitely struggle with perfectionism, right? I think it's one of those toxic traits that we, um, we pick up, like we have to do things perfect. And, and for me, I'm trying to change my mindset into consistency because perfection is unattainable. It is. It's unattainable. The fact of the matter is if a taco shell can cracked and still taste amazing, amazing,

10:47 Tyler then you know, the life can still be good without, without perfection. And life is fluid, right? Life is fluid. It's not straight lines. There's always like these crooked lines that you're trying to navigate. And on the way home from the training, we got stuck in an hour of traffic. Yeah, it was never happens. But Misty called and said, Hey, there was a really bad accident on 40, which is always terrifying to me. River road where 40 meets in our little town is constantly was one of the craziest, scariest accidents happen.

11:19 Danny And it seemed like there was that stretch of road is I've read one of the most deadly stretches. I always get a little spooked on my motorcycle. Yeah. And if I have the time, I do prefer to ride out, out through Kamas. It's just a little slower. You know, you're not battling semi trucks with it. We get something like crazy number of semi trucks running through town.

11:39 Tyler Yeah. And we have so much traffic. So here's the other part about like our little town. We have so many so much more traffic now than when I first moved here. Probably when you first moved here, there's there's so much more traffic from from move-ins and from people realizing what our little gold pile that we had here is now. Right. And it's our infrastructure is just not built for traffic. It's not built for the flow, the flowing of the traffic. It's not built for any kind of fluidity. It's just stop and go lights. And it's just not it's not it's not a good it's not fun to sit in traffic on Main Street. No. But we have such an amazing little town that it's hard to give it up. Right. Yeah, it is. And even for the fact that love like what some of the things you've talked about, like you have this you have this life here, you know, and and the first portion of your life was with was married. And now you're building this life where you are down these other paths and down these other avenues that you're exploring in your in your new journey where you're not married. Yeah.

12:52 Danny And so it's kind of hard for that kind of thing. For sure. There's days where I feel like I'm suffocating a little bit. Right. It's hard to truly separate from somebody and feel separate. And, you know, that's part of the I guess this challenge in life that I have right now is to seek nectar, seek, seek my true self, seek authenticity and do it in a way where I'm battling some of my shadows in in an ecosystem where I am I feel like an outsider. Right. I built I built my own friends. I have my own crew. I have my own side of town. But it's it's still hard not to show up someplace and be like, oh, you you you used to be with them or you're with them. And, you know, they they have a you know, my ex and her her family has a large presence here. Sure. You know, at the end of the day, it is what it is. And you you know, you these little struggles make you make you stronger.

13:54 Tyler Sure. Yeah. And that's that's a big that's that's going to be a lot of like pressure. It's heavy sometimes and hard to deal with. But when you find and you can address it, what you end up doing is talking about it, navigating it. Right. And then you realize, OK, I'm still moving. Yeah. It's we only stop moving that it becomes like where it's now our burden. Right. Now we're carrying this thing. And now it's this heavy mass that we can't move. Right. But as long as we're moving, as long as we're staying fluid, then it's just like the traffic. Yeah. It's going to get to the destination. Yeah. You know, you may have some detours, you may have something you have to go down a back road and have a good time. Yeah, I don't we we we live here and we always are like all these transplants.

14:47 Danny Yeah, we are the transfer. We're here close the gates now. Yeah, close the gates. Yeah. No, I think that's very interesting that you say that. It is very much I like to think of framing. So, you know, part of my seeking nectar and seeking an authentic life was to pick up hobbies that I things I like to do before I was married. Right. As soon as you get into a relationship, if you haven't dealt with some of your shadows or if you're still dealing with some of your shadows, you'll notice that you start to sacrifice yourself. Right. And so I went back to photography. I started taking some photography lessons. Specifically, I'm shooting a camera through a specific lens. And the challenge is how do I frame my pictures so that the composition is correct? So they're beautiful. Right. And so I have to change how I view certain things. And it's really interesting. It's this concept of framing. Sure. Right. And where else do we have this concept of framing? Yeah. In Jiu-Jitsu. Jiu-Jitsu. On those mats. If you don't set up your frames properly, you are in for a world of hurt. You can put yourself in a position where you don't have good position or you're weak because somebody can get you on your back or they can attack you. You don't have a dominant position. So you have to rebuild those frames. Right. And it's just like life. It is. We have to reframe how we think, our thought process. We've got to reframe, perhaps we have to reframe our definitions of certain things. Sure. That's a lot of what I deal with. A lot of the men that I coach is how do we reframe? How do I challenge you to get out from behind your own eyeballs and see the problem from

16:33 Tyler a different perspective? Which is huge when you're helping somebody or when you're talking to somebody because a lot of times they're in the, and I was talking to one of my friends today and I was telling him, you're in this plastic bag. Right. So you're inside this plastic bag and you feel like you're fighting. You feel like you're fighting in this plastic bag. But the plastic bag is like, is just making all these noises, making all these like, it can give and it can take. And you're not, you're not seeing that the plastic bag is closing and what's happening, you're suffocating. Yeah. You're now, you're not only fighting these little, these things that are immovable, but you're also fighting the fact that you can't breathe. The fact that you can't see the fact that you can't function. And if you were just to like open the plastic bag, let some fresh air in, let some new, some new thoughts, some new ideas come inside. Then you may be able to like get out of that plastic bag. A hundred percent. You know, and it's a simple way to think about it. But most of the time when you're in a fight, when you're struggling, when you're, let's say you're like even in Jiu-Jitsu, like you're, you feel like you're suffocating and all you can think at that moment is, is I just need to breathe. I need to breathe and I can't breathe in the sweat in my eyes and I can't, and I can't function. And if you're not careful, you'll tap to just that, just the pressure, just the pressure

18:01 Danny of like life and the pressure of a person putting their whole chest on your face, you know? Right. And it's no different from your problems, right? True. You know, I used to be one of those people, and this will be a moment of vulnerability for me. I used to be one of those people where I really believed that life was happening to me. Sure. Right. And it's taken me a good chunk of time and I still find that it's a toxic pattern, a way of thinking where I have to reframe and realize that life is happening for me. She'll pour you. And that I am making life happen. It's not happening to me. Yeah. These problems aren't just happening. Why is this happening? It's not happening to me. It's either a directly related to a choice or a decision that I've made or behavior that I've tolerated or, you know, you keep encouraging that behavior. Yeah. Yeah. It's my own behavior. Right. And so this is where consistency in practice makes sense. Right. Sure. You know, it's OK to be a work in progress. Right. We've talked about this on other podcasts. Right. The white belt for life. Yeah. It's OK to be in a relationship where you may not feel you're 100% healed as long as you're willing to have the self-reflection to do the work.

19:22 Tyler Right. And still ask for what you need. 100%. Making sure that you're not like just giving 100% of yourself because you're so vulnerable. You're so scared. You're so like nervous about this new found freedom. Like taking initiative of saying, OK, this is still what I need. This is still what Tyler, what Danny needs in this life. And I'm still going to put myself first. I'm going to put myself first because my number one job is to make sure that I'm healthy. That way my relationships are healthy and we can find some common ground in the fact that like you're going to take care of yourself. I'm going to take care of myself. And then we're going to meet in the middle. Right. Yeah. And that goes with friendships. That goes with life. That goes with love. It goes with everything. You have to make sure that the person that you bring to the table is cognizant of themselves and able to ask questions.

20:18 Danny Yeah. Well, and more importantly, you've got to bring yourself to the table. For sure. With that same mentality. Right. Like we really can't control other people's behaviors. Right. I think that's, you know, I think Jordan Peterson talks about that kind of thought process when, you know, people break up or they go through a separation or divorce or they're looking for a new partner. They say, why can't I attract this partner? He goes, well, that's a fairly narcissistic way of looking at it. Right. How about why aren't you becoming the type of partner that would attract this type of pressure? Right. So what are you doing to look at yourself, to address the shadow, to address the darkness, to address the weakness, to make yourself better? Oh, man, I just finished reading the 12, his 12 principles. And what is the one of them is treat yourself like somebody that's worth caring for. Yeah. That's a pretty poor paraphrase, but I'm like, that's it. Yeah. That's it. Treat yourself like you are somebody worth caring for.

21:22 Tyler Yeah. Yeah. Make sure you make sure you're doing that work that that inside you feel like I'm good enough for what you give me. Right. And that's actually like going to be requiring how you treat me, that's how I treat myself. Right. Exactly. And I love myself.

21:39 Danny So you better love me as well. I 100% believe to my core, your every one of your relationships is a direct reflection of your relationship with yourself. Agreed. 100%. Sure. And, and so you owe it to yourself to one love yourself unconditionally and forgive yourself unconditionally. Conditionally. Yeah. Right. And probably more so forgive yourself. You're always going to make mistakes and the self love is important. You can only love somebody as much as you love yourself. You can only care for somebody as much as you care for yourself. I think that was one of the hardest lessons I had to learn in my separation and divorce that that I wasn't quite possibly in love with myself enough. Right. And, and, and, you know, that's where we start seeing, you know, toxic attachment styles and things like that. And then, and it's, um, it's out there. So, you know, you talk about the things you can control and the thing that you are most

22:40 Tyler in control of is this, this fleshy little, Yeah. Uh, and controlling your emotions, controlling your controlling all those aspects of your life come with practice, right? Practice, practice makes perfect, but also correct practice. Yeah. Because life isn't life is not easy. It's simple. It's very simple. Professor was talking about this. Professor was talking about jujitsu being easy, but not simple. Right. It's easy if you like, if it's easy, if you follow the small and direction, the small, the small, the small adjustments, it's not simple because you see all these like bells and whistles and you want to like add all those things. So you do half ass thing as work on certain techniques. But if you were just to make, go back to the very basics of it, and I believe that about life as well, like just sometimes go back to your very basic ability of just hugging yourself, taking the time to, to look inside, to look at your, your, your wheel, like we talked about last time, your vulnerabilities, your chest, what am I showing? Am I showing my emotions? And then looking and saying, okay, what can I simplify in my life? What can I take away from my life? Because the problems are going to be there. Yes, they're going to be there. They're going to, you're going to do, you're going to have struggles. You're going to have to make decisions of, am I being honest with myself in this instance? And if you can simplify your life, it will, it will help alleviate some of that burden and some of that pressure that you feel to be perfect. Of course. And as men, we're told, I mean, like, like we're told that we're supposed to like go to work, make the money, pay the bills, not have this idea of, I just need a day off. Yeah. But sometimes you do.

24:41 Danny Sometimes you just need a day off. Yeah. Well, tell me about it. I mean, I just took eight of them. I took eight of them and I had a really interesting text exchange with a new friend about, you know, sitting like not allow, I've never really allowed myself to just sit there, right? We use the term man in quite a bit. Sure. And so to me, it was like the ultimate man in to sit in silence and we can do this in our meditation practice or in our breath work practice, but like to really not pressure myself to be anywhere, to do anything, but to just really sit and really reconnect with myself and, and, and listen to all of the different aspects, you know, wiggling my toes in the sand, feel the sun on my face. Like what am I feeling? What am I really, what, what, what's going on inside of here that, that I can just completely reconnect with? How can I use this information to really interpret what my nervous system is? And so is trying to tell me because that, that system is so complex. It is. We've only, you know, modern science has only really scratched the surface of all of the different connections and the way the brain chemicals function within our head, right? And how we are constantly, I mean, teetering on, on, on changing different chemistry in our brain, just by, you know, what we eat or what we drink or what we put in our bodies. This is going to be loud.

26:08 Tyler It's going to be really loud, but I apologize. That's right. Hang on guys. That's right. That's the sound of happiness right there. Post-rolls post-roll a little bit of stress. I didn't mean to cut. No, no. That's really cool insight from somebody to give to you too. I know it's hard to take time and look at yourself and be grateful for the things that you have, but it's really cool to have somebody give you insight to say, Hey man, take the time. Yeah. Take the time. Enjoy yourself because what's going to happen. I think that person's going to be like, Oh man, I can see the glow in your eyes. You know, Misty and I, we wake up. I think I've talked about this before we wake up and I make her coffee and then I go and I breathe and then I go and I go and make, finish making her coffee, make sure she has her coffee. I've done that for now almost five years where I make her coffee every morning and there's someone mornings that I, I'm not able to be there to make her coffee. And she'll be like, it's not as good as when you wake up. And then I'll go and do my stretching while she kind of wakes up. And then we go sit outside and we'll sit in the sun for 30 minutes and we'll just sit there and sometimes, sometimes we'll talk. Sometimes we won't, but for the most part we sit there in the sun and we like reconnect with not, not with each other, but she sits there in the sun and I sit in the sun and I'm thinking, man, I just, I love the way it feels on my, on my face and it gets me ready for the day. When you start to go and reconnect with yourself and you start to do some inside work, what happens is the people around you can tell that there's something different, right? And then you're doing things differently. And so then they start asking questions and they start, they start inquiring what you're doing, what you're doing to be happy, you know, cause being happy is not easy for everybody. No, it's not easy because, because the way to the world makes you feel like you shouldn't be happy. But if you start your day and you tell yourself nothing, it's either a good day or it's a great day. Yes. Right. And there's no bad days. There's going to be hard times. There's going to be struggles in your life. There is a hundred percent, but no matter what, it's a good day. And if it's a, and if you have like a lot of accomplishments, you have really fun things happen to you, then it's a great day and great days.

28:31 Danny You'll be, you're so, you're so grateful for them. Oh yeah, absolutely. And then that's not to discount that life is that life is definitely inconsistent and can be stressful and unpredictable. But really when we start, as we've talked about in our gratitude episode, as we've talked about in previous episodes, as we start to reframe and rebuild our old habits and step into the next version of ourselves, it becomes easier. It's that consistency. It is, man. That's so good.

28:59 Tyler Yeah. So consistency. It is. It's so insightful. It really is. And if you're just like doing it, yes, you're going to have struggles, but if I'm consistently working on myself and consistently being happy and consistently telling myself it's just a good day today, you're going to be like, man, smile, wake up and you're going to have good people around you and you're going to have these, you're going to be able to see the beauty of what's around you. Let's say like six, seven months ago, Tyler would have went to Hawaii. You may not have seen the same beauty that he had.

29:35 Danny No, you may have been in a bad place where you couldn't see 100%. 100%. And I know I'm still a work in progress. I still am meeting resistance every day. Sure. Right. But how I handle that, I can feel myself becoming stronger. I can see and I just know that I just have to keep, you know, like Dory says, Disney, keep swimming, keep moving. Yeah, keep moving. Right. I'm plotting my course one foot in front of the other. Yeah. Sometimes I'm going to have my head down just looking at my feet and sometimes I'm going to have my head back and my shoulders up and I'm noticing that, you know, my posture is a little straighter more often than I am looking at my feet. But either way, I'm staying consistent.

30:18 Tyler Right. Man, that's so cool. That's a good insight. I'm glad your friend reached out to you and told you to go and enjoy that because it's important. It's important to have people around you that want the best for you. Right. I love those people out there that do not have the best intentions for you because of jealousies, because of struggles and maybe even just because of the fact that they're just like wishing they were on the ride that you were on. Sure. You know, absolutely. Like I go on the, I'm not a big roller coaster ride, but sometimes I'll sit next to like Misty or Braxton and they're so happy. Right. And I'm like, I'm not having the same ride that you're having. This experience is not the same. Have you ever, I don't know if you've ever been to the stratosphere. Oh yeah. And at the top of the stratosphere, they have two rides that are, to me, why? Why? They have the one where there's six people and they go to the edge and then they keep going and they keep going and then they stop. And you're on the edge of this building in a ride that I'm thinking, why? Why would you do that? And they have the swings that go out outside over the city. Right. And so we went up there and they were like, you have to sit in the front. And I'm thinking, I don't even have to sit anything on that. I'm not a roller coaster person. And they're like, you have to, why would you not? And I'm like, well, I don't know why I would. We get on there and I'm sitting next to my brother-in-law, Matt, and we're sitting in the front because they convinced me to go to the front. And he is like, this is the greatest thing. And I'm like, this is not fun at all. I don't see the fun in it at all. And it was so interesting. We talked about how one person loved it and me, I hated it. Hated everything about it. And I think that's like life sometimes. People look at you and go, you're having so much fun and I'm not. And I don't want you to have fun.

32:19 Danny I want you to be in this turmoil that I'm in. No, it's in, you know, I'm getting to the point where I'm seeing that as a reflection of their own relationship with themselves, right? They're unhappy. They're not chasing nectar. There's something pseudo about who they are. I can trace many, if not all of the lies I've ever told back to some sort of pseudo protection, you know, way of protecting myself, way of protecting my ego. Right. And, and as I've, as I've honestly rebuilt myself, you know, over the past few years, like I see as I, as I attract from authenticity, like it's just such a happier place to be, it's a much happier place to be. And I, it's interesting. I, so I do a lot of prospecting on Facebook. There's a lot of post Mormon ex Mormon groups on, on Facebook. And it's a great place to just kind of, you know, you just kind of troll the comments and, you know, I'm not trolling, but I'm reading the comments, trying to connect with other people who have my mess is my message, right? So if they've, if I feel like they've experienced similar things, I'm reaching out to them, you know, trying to prospect into some coaching and, um, I had an exchange in one of the posts just recently where a couple really toxic people just got in and were like, why are you, you know, you know, and this gentleman was just really just searching for consistency. And his complaint was, does the ex Mormon community feel as toxic as the Mormon community and in, in certain ways it does when the ex Mormon community, all they do is bash on it. And when I see that that's all they can do, that's their way of processing it. I get it. There's horrible things that have happened to you. I'm not trying to diminish anybody's pain, anybody's suffering or anybody's trauma. But if, if, if all you can do is make fun of it and belittle it, you haven't moved on, you haven't, you're not, you're, you're not healthy. It's not, it's not a healthy relationship because what you resist persists.

34:24 Tyler And so, and we've talked about this before, like having, um, having a foundation, which a religion gives you is not wrong. No, it's not wrong. So if you, so you may not agree with what the church taught you, but it gave you a foundation and so you can start there. You can start there and you can find solace knowing that you have a foundation. Right. Maybe, maybe your struggles, maybe what the church went through and, and, and, and all churches have these things, but maybe what they did and how you feel now is a little lost, but at the end of the day, what you have to remember is it's a foundation, right? A hundred percent.

35:08 Danny It's a foundation. That is amazing. Said we had seven hours. So YouTube, you're getting, you're going to get screwed over. Um, download the podcast anyway. It's a better format of the content. Um, it's almost always better format content. Oh, it's, it's back and we've got six hours left. Great. Great. Yeah.

35:30 Tyler So just so you know, man, like don't, just like what Tyler was saying was like, when you, when you have these like toxic things that you cannot let go of, you have not progressed, you're, you're stuck in this, you're stuck in that plastic bag. Yes. You, it feels like you're making progress. It feels like you're doing something different, but you're in that pseudo self realm and you're living in, you might be below the bar of reality and you may not be above it, so you may be below it. So you're still, it's still your reality, but it's still your reality. If you are struggling and you're fighting like that, you're fighting with somebody about how they feel and you're, and you're telling them that they're wrong at that point, you got to look inside.

36:17 Danny Yeah, no, and a hundred percent. And I, I read a book a long time ago by one of my mentors, um, John Kim. I used to be a miserable fuck. Um, and I was, I was, and I see those people that that is their way of coping. And, and, and you, I can feel it. I can feel it because it resonates in an old, in an old, similar fashion as to what I've previously resonated with. And it's a vibration that I just no longer, I no longer I'm attracted to. Not attracted to it. I have no energy to engage it. You know, if you're going to attack, uh, attack me on my post, I'm not even going to respond, I'm not even going to respond.

36:59 Tyler And you shake your hand and be like, yeah, I know a place we can go safely that we can talk about this. If you really, really, really, really want to have this conversation, come meet us. Yeah. Let's have, let's, let's do this in a safe environment where we can both see each other's eyes. Right. And I mean, I remember like, uh, there was a conversation that happened, um, where I was given some information and I told my friend that this person didn't want me to tell my, tell my friend this information. And so we're texting back and forth after he found out that, um, what had happened. And I remember like texting him and going, Hey dude, we don't have to do this in a text message. Matter of fact, well, let's then from now on, let's not do this in a text message because I'd rather you see my face and I see your face. So that way we know if there, if there's escalation that needs to happen, and guess what? There's no response. And I'm like, that's an easy response, man.

37:51 Danny I'm like, I'm good. It's so healthy. It's so healthy. I mean, I say that, but I think it, I think it really is right. Like there is a, you know, when you, when you live by a code on the map, sure. The code has a way of working itself out. Agreed. Right. It had, there was a pecking order. There's there was a pecking order. There is a, you know, you may still think you're right, but at the end of the day, if you're getting choked out, you may not necessarily be right.

38:20 Tyler Like intellectually, you know, it's true. Yeah. Like, uh, and, and, and to round this out, um, because we just want to have this conversation, we, we, this was one of those times where we hadn't really like set aside a topic, but at the end of the day, what we want is for, for our friends and our family to remember, like, because we're working in progresses, because we're still, we're still working on ourselves. Focus on the good. Focus on, focus on your happiness, focus on your bright lights, focus on the people around you that are like encouraging you to see the good, to go there and be like, Hey man, go have some fun. Yeah. Go have some fun. And if they're like, and you'll know if they're being genuine, you'll know if they're being genuine and, and in return, what's going to happen is we're going to come back and we're going to tell these great stories and yes, I'm going to have FOMO. Yeah. I have, I'm, I am an, I have FOMO. I, if it's fear of missing out, I am FOMO to the mother. Yeah. Right. But I want you to have a good time. I enjoy hearing the stories. I want people to have a good time. Yeah. Um, you know, for me, this last week and a half, two weeks have been, have been trying with some stuff. Sure. I'm, I read a book, it's wild at heart. Yeah. I shared it with Tyler. I shared it with every man in my life. Um, it's kind of like in ignited me to explore, um, my relationship with God and how, how that's a, you know, I, I've talked about this before. Like I don't believe in a, in a, in a God, but I believe that there's a higher power. And this book is like really, really, I mean, it's like every chapter is like our podcast. Yeah. There's so many like little, little things that I got from it. And I shared it with all my friends and I've started to, um, really explore like forgiveness, forgiving my dad, like really forgiving my dad. And that's been a little bit of a, um, heavy weight on me. And it's been fun. It's been, it's been interesting because I've been able to talk to Misty about it. And I've been able to talk to my boys about it. And, um, the book has helped me a lot of finding that relationship with, with a higher power, believing that at the end of the day, like I'm going to get, be taken care of, right. And I believe that I believe that a hundred percent, I believe that there's people out there that love me. And I think like that's, that's enough for me, you know, sometimes when I'm having a bad day, that's enough. Like people love me. There you go. And I go to jujitsu. I go running. Um, so interesting. I have two interesting stories. Okay. That's cool. Okay. So I'm running up at the top of, I shared this on Instagram. I'm running at the top of Armstrong on PCMR and I get to the top and as I'm coming down and run, I run into this lady and she's like bouncing and she's like, I can tell she has nervous energy. And I'm like, what the heck is maybe she's just nervous because she ran into me. Yeah. And I've got these big beard and big ears. You wearing your hat? Uh, no, I had a regular hat on so she could see my ears. Um, and so she's like, um, how was your run? How's everything up there? Was there a lot of people out there? And I'm like, no, there was just a couple of people. She goes, did you see the bear? And I'm like, what are you talking about? And she's like, there's a sign at the bottom of Armstrong that says a bear sighting the day before right where I had just run and I'm thinking I would, my head was down. I was thinking. I was processing. I was having an adventurous run. I wasn't thinking anything about bears. That bear could have ran.

41:51 Danny Yeah. I heard there was a cougar, cougar sighting. Maybe that was the cougar. Yeah.

41:58 Tyler But I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what to do with a bear. Yeah. I was like, well, I don't know what to do if I seen a bear. Do you run? Do you stand? I it's a grizzly bear. Are you supposed to do certain things? If it's a black bear, just got to outrun that lady. That's what I was thinking. That's me. No. And I was like, I need to be a little bit more aware of my surroundings. And then I went running again a couple of days ago. And as I'm at the same place, I like running that Armstrong because it's uphill only and mountain bikers can only go uphill up it. So you're not going to get crashed into, which I'm terrified of, but I'm running same spot and I hear this like chirping and like chirping and like almost sounds like gurgling, but it sounds like it's this weird like squeal. And I was like, man, I've heard that before. And then all of a sudden I'm like, Oh, I know what it is. It's going to be elk. It has to be helped. And it sounds like it's a baby. And the mom is trying to tell the baby where it's at. And so there's, they're going back and forth and I'm standing there and I'm, I'm thinking I'm the only person here listening to this. Wow. How insane this is. So cool. It is so cool. And so I'm like walking like quietly to try to see if I can see. And then all of a sudden like, Oh, I can see the elk. It's like right there. And then I'm like, Oh, there's another one. Wow. And there's like three more and then something happened. And then all of a sudden the whole mountain is moving with elk. Oh, wow. I was like, Whoa, this is crazy. And I'm looking around to see if anybody else is there. It's just me. That's cool. And I'm like, that is one of the coolest things that I've, that I've ever experienced. That is way cool. And I was like, this is that, that couldn't great. And so I'm coming down and I see this little white envelope on the ground. And I'm like, what is that? Reach down, pick it up, look inside and there's an ID and a credit card in there. And I'm like, somebody isn't, this is important to somebody. And it's got a contact number, get down to the parking lot, call the lady. And she is like, so happy, so stoked, so excited that I found that because she didn't know how she was going to cancel her driver's license, get her driver's license, met her at the bottom of the trick, the town car, the town lift. Yeah. And gave her back her stuff. And she was like on cloud 10 cloud cloud. Yeah. And, and cloud nine, she wanted to give me money. Oh, and I was like, no, but you can follow us on Instagram and podcast. Podcast. I'm going to talk about this. I was like, I want to talk about this. And she's like, okay, cool. Yeah. Um, what is the podcast? And I'm like, and I don't really think you're listening to me. It's cool. Like, yeah, yeah, we help man. And we, we, we talk about men topics for men and she was like, oh, that's really cool and you're a veteran. And then we started talking about veteran stuff. Yeah. Cool. But it was cool. It was, it was awesome. Still pay it forward. It was cool. Yeah. And I gave her her stuff back and I wouldn't take her money. She, she wanted to give it to me and I was like, that's cool. No, I'm gonna give it to you. They do. Two cool experiences for me. And I, um, in that book, it talks about having an adventure as a man and the things that you need as a man. And, um, it's an amazing book. It's, it's really been, it's really been eyeopening for me. Um, and taking the next step of, of my life and love it and enjoying some of the journeys that I'm on. Um, we also got an adventure wagon. We got a VW. Oh yes, dude. It is so cool. Yeah. It's such a cool topic that I mean, topic starter conversation starter. Like, it is, it is so cool. Yeah. And I'm excited for it. Yeah.

45:38 Danny I can't wait to go some music festivals.

45:40 Tyler Yeah, for sure. So the lost boy scouts podcast, uh, stickers on the side and hopefully people will start following us. So cool. Yeah. It's good, man. I, this week has been crazy for me, but, but, but all overall great, um, overall fun and, and I've been able to like have some good experiences.

45:57 Danny Yeah. And, you know, I appreciate you coming over. It's late. It's. Yeah. It's normally, I think we've published the podcast at this point. So we're going to, it's maybe a fairly close to live episode here. Cause I just want to get it out. But again, it's, um, sometimes it's consistency over, um, over perfection. Always stay consistent, stay consistent, agree.

46:18 Tyler Little steps, little steps, little steps, save your rips, save your grips. And, um, make sure that you're asking questions, make sure you're reaching out. Make sure you're asking. It's not always about asking the right question. It's just asking like bunches of questions or even just phrasing an instance or situation that you need that we can work into a question and then we can just, we can, we can keep going where we're really want to work on our brand. We really want to work on branding ourselves. Yeah. I've got a meeting Friday with, um, a branding company that might help us get some gear out, get some stuff out. And I think for us is, um, helping men, helping men through hard times is so fulfilling sometimes and so hard, heartwarming for us to get those guys through those.

47:10 Danny A hundred percent. We, I, you know, I trip over my words and we're going to, we're going to wrap the episode here, you know, so we can get it published, but, uh, you know, men need other men. 100% the reason we do this. And I think, um, you know, we need to find our tribe and, you know, hopefully, uh, if you don't connect with us, maybe you connect with somebody in our community. Maybe it's the jujitsu community. Maybe it's the running community. Uh, maybe it's a community that you start. Um, you know, we're, we're just here to, to inspire, inspire whatever's next. Where can they find you? Lost boy scouts, Instagram, Facebook website, um, all that good places.

47:50 Tyler Sure. Compassionate underscore gentlemen. That's where you find me. I'm on Instagram, Facebook, and then, uh, you know, Tyler and I, we train at Park City Jujitsu, um, shout out to our guys down there. Our, our, our Academy is super healthy right now. So let's, uh, come out and hang out with us. Um, come talk to us, come show us your techniques, show us your cross-chokes. So some of the stuff that you do show us your passing. Um, we're interested. We, uh, we're grateful for you guys and cheers. Thanks. I'm happy you're home. Happy August. Great to be home. Bye. Bye.