Lost Boy Scouts Podcast

Swell AI Transcript: S1 E14.wav
00:07 Danny Welcome to the Lost Boy Scouts podcast. How's everybody?

00:11 Tyler It's another late night. Another late night. This consistency, we gotta just keep doing it. Yeah, no, it's true.

00:17 Danny Just keep doing it. Yeah, it's late. My weeks have been crazy. We went to Colorado last week and then got the bus out finally. Man, it was so cool. It looked so sexy. It was so cool. I was telling Tyler when we just first started and set up that we didn't get a late start. Misty didn't get off work till 10. So I got all the bus ready. It took me about two hours to try to get everything where I wanted it so I could grab it out of there. Then I had the dogs, grabbed Misty, we headed up to the lake and set everything up. It actually went together really fast. Then as we were laying down, the dogs were a little much. You could smell them. Yeah. It's a closed space. Misty and I were not that comfortable. We didn't get the best night of sleep, but then we woke up and I made breakfast, made coffee. I actually was able to drink decaf coffee. Whoa. I think I quit coffee cold turkey. three, four years ago, but I drank some decaf. My mother-in-law was telling me that if I did decaf, maybe it wouldn't hurt my stomach and I was able to drink some coffee with her. Then we sat at the lake for three hours, just sat there. Listened to Zach Bryan on repeat, just sat there. We just were like, this is amazing. Everybody was looking at our bus, want to talk to us about our bus and everything, and so it's cool.

01:46 Tyler Yeah. So you send me a picture and I got to know who plays the guitar. You do? I didn't know that about you.

01:52 Danny I can listen to some songs, I can look at the chords, but I go through spurts. For a while there, I was playing with a bunch of guys and I was like, oh man, this is cool. I'm going to do some open mic stuff. Yeah. I had wrote a couple of songs. Then I picked up the ukulele and that was so much fun to play the ukulele because a lot of the chord structuring is dissimilar. As long as you know the chords, you can play. Ukulele is really cool because it's either open chords or one-finger chords. Yeah. I picked up the guitar because I was trying to learn some of Zach and Brian's songs. That's when I took it with us and I played that every once in a while. Yeah, it's pretty cool. Yeah, I like it.

02:47 Tyler That's cool. I was just like, man, it looked like an advertisement. Van Life magazine is trying to convert me. It's like you're going to hand out pamphlets down by the river, trying to get all your Van Life photos. It's so cool.

03:01 Danny It's so cool. The man, they wanted to just talk to us about that. They just want to know about it. They want to hear the story, and everybody wants to wave. I went to go get gas, and there was three people filming me with their cameras. That's crazy. That's crazy. It's cool. So fun. It's cool, man. We had a good time. We didn't get to take it to Colorado, but Colorado was so fun. Yeah. I love that place. Yeah. It's home. I know it's home for you. Every time I think about that, I'm like, Colorado's for me. Yeah. He gets to say he's from Colorado. Yeah. Mile high city. Yeah.

03:34 Tyler I do or die. It's almost football season. Yeah, that's your for those Broncos. Are you a Bronco fan? Yeah, I mean as much as I watch football I go through spurts sure, right and I'm hoping that we're a good season man Beyond Sanders, right?

03:46 Danny Dude coach prime.

03:48 Tyler What an incredible like you want to talk about leadership the changes he's made and we should talk do an episode on leadership, but I I really want to get into today's topic about, I'm thinking balance, but the more I think about balance, the more I think of like, it's kind of unachievable. It really is like, they talk about work-life balance, right? But to me, it's more about presence.

04:16 Danny Yeah, I understand. Yeah, for sure.

04:18 Tyler I mean, I guess that when I think of balance, I think about I want to allot this amount of time to each of my proclivities, to my family, to work, to training jujitsu, to becoming better. How do I find balance with all of those things so I'm not out of balance? That's really what I was thinking about when I was thinking about the topic of balance, but I was talking to a good friend of mine. um, about the topic of balance and he's like, yeah, balance is really unachievable. When you think about work life balance, either you're at work or you're with your family. Sure. And if you are with your family and you're at work, know, you're working on your phone, you're doing slack messages or whatever it is, you're not present. Sure. And you really, you really might as well just be at work. Right. Right. And so you're, you're not balanced. Right. So that's kind of where I was thinking we would go today and just kind of talk about like, how do we find balance? I know both of us are Um, we're getting into the fall. Yeah. We're re, you know, your, your work schedule changes. Um, things with me have, have been, you know, it's been hard coming back out of vacation mode and earning back into school mode, trying to find, okay, how do I allot time to making sure I get to jujitsu, making sure that I am working on my business, making sure that I'm with my family when they're, when they're here with me.

05:46 Danny And and paying attention to those people that mean the most and so I think it is both balance and presence sure well and and When you're when you're like because balance is balance is like the fact of the art of juggling right right and so When you're juggling a lot of things right how much energy are you giving to each of those things that you that you find happiness from right and That balance and the art of balance is a learned trait. It's a learned skill set that you're working on every day just like you get to. So while you find yourself present in each of those little art forms, each of those little things that you're juggling, You're giving a little portion of yourself to it, and you're hoping that it's enough. So I have an agenda, and I write my agenda at night for the next day. Whenever I was waking up in the morning and I'd say, okay, this is what I want to accomplish throughout the day. I would notice that I would like make this big list. Big list. It was like overwhelming.

07:00 Tyler Overwhelming. I got to back up a few steps though, because I want to talk about the analogy of juggling. Oh man. Can you juggle? Of course. I cannot juggle to save my life. I just was trying like, so just talk about it. Like you're juggling, right? What are you doing? What are you focusing on?

07:14 Danny Yeah. You focus on the middle ball. The middle ball. Yeah, because in juggling, you're always going to, like, as long as you have, like, the right rhythm, the ball is going to be there. Right. As long as you focus on the middle ball. So you're present with the middle ball. You always are. But you are aware of the other balls. Sure. So how you practice, like, just the art of juggling, you start with one hand. Right. One hand. Then you learn to toss Because you always are tossing one. You're always catching and tossing. Now, you're doing both, but you focus on toss, catch.

07:49 Tyler Toss, catch. And this plays into your list, right? For sure. When you write your list in the morning, you tend to overwhelm yourself. Always. So much.

07:57 Danny Always. Because you wake up in the day, and you've had the night to think about all these things. So you wake up, and now your brain turns on, and you're like, OK, I'm going to accomplish all these things. Right. Usually, you go to bed, and you've accomplished 10% of your list. So you really feel like that you're, you haven't accomplished anything. And what happens, that list is going to grow tomorrow. So you're going to have like, instead of 10 items, you're going to have 20 items because you've only done, you still have the, the, from the day before you need to, to, uh, to do that list. You still have to, in your head, you're like, I have to do those things. So the same thing with, so we had this, um, somebody came into work and they said, Hey, who can jello juggle. Right. There was only a couple of us that, I mean, whenever I practice, I'm better. But one of the guys at my work, he was like, I'm teaching myself how to juggle. So people were like, oh, I can juggle. There were some people that you were like, some could do multiple juggle with two hands. They would do this crazy five, six items. The most I've ever gotten to is four when I was really practicing. Yeah. And there was a couple people that were like, I can't do it at all. And they never could.

09:14 Tyler No, I mean, that's me. That's me. My brain, for whatever reason, like I, I don't know that I'm focusing on the right being present with the right ball. I'm too worried about the balls that are over here. And if you're saying you got to worry about the one that's in the air,

09:28 Danny Then yeah, my height, height matters, right? Height and rhythm matter because the higher you throw it, right? The more chance it has to wander, but it also gives you the more ability to catch it because you can now like watch it, right? Same concept with your list. Same concept, right? Same concepts are check, like focus on the things that you want to improve on. So like the way that I break mine down is like I have a list of things, right? And at night, I'll look at those list of things and there could be some things on there that I'm like, well, I'm not doing that tomorrow. On one of my lists I have, I was trying to do get up to a 30-minute plank. Oh, wow. So I was doing one minute one day, two minutes two day, three. And I was like, oh, it's going to be easy to get to 30-minute planks. No, no, not even close. I think Maybe five minutes is what I got blank. And then I just so it's open. It's always open, but it's there and I remind myself Oh, I should probably try that again, right? But some of those things like are never I look at him and I'm like, I want to try that but no, I don't have enough energy, right? Then there's other things that I do every day. So like, you know me first thing is breathing wash my face do my oils breathe stretch. Those are always checked. Right, right. This starts my day right now that keeps me in balance, but It's just a small list. So my list, my list can go tomorrow. And it's, there's things that I'm like, man, I've got to cover that. If we are going to podcast, I usually sit down and I think about what we're going to talk about. And I think about like, okay, how am I going to cover, like you had talked about balance. And I was like, okay, how can I think about balance? Most of the time you're out, your, your balance is like, not that good. One thing that I've been really doing a lot is actually balancing. So, I have two of the Bosu balls. I think we can do this. But lately what I've been doing is closing my eyes. Okay. So I get on the ball and I close my eyes and I try to balance. What a mind. You know what? What the heck? I can't do it hardly. Yeah. But, um, I think about it as for my cognitive skills of that. I don't want to lose, you know, I don't, I don't want to have like this mental things later on down the line. So I want to think about like, so I close my eyes and I, and I actually balance every morning balance balance. But you're present with… And you have to be.

12:02 Tyler Yeah. I don't know that maybe one can't exist without the other. And maybe the importance is not finding balance. Finding balance is understanding all of the things that you want to do and you want to accomplish, right? Sure. And providing some sort of ranked priority for them. For sure. Right?

12:19 Danny Before you go to bed, what I'll do is before I go to bed, I think about what's the highest things. So men's assent to me is top priority right now. So before I go to bed, I send a bunch of text messages out to people that I'm like, Hey, don't forget about this. Hey, here's this flyer. I think about making a post on social media. I don't always do it, but I did do a couple posts for it. But it's number one that I'm thinking like, okay, that's number one that I want to cover. Of course, I do some jiu-jitsu studies, some mental work on jiu-jitsu. And then the main thing that I'm balancing now is making sure that I always do what Misty would like to do. So, you know, she likes to take the dogs for walks. She loves taking our dogs for walks. So tonight I was like, okay, I'm going to, I got to go podcast with Tyler. She's like, okay, but we need to do this. And I was like, well, we need to take the dogs for a walk. So she was happy about that. You think about it. Just being present in that, just being present in the fact that you can balance things. Because not everything is going to get 100% right. I text Tyler a lot about like, Hey, did you make it to training? Hey, did you make it to training? Not as far as to be his check and balance, but to always keep in the back of his head that in order to keep your central nervous regulated, you have to have some sort of outlet. You have to have some sort of outlet, because you can't have everything piling on top of you without actually having an outlet. Right.

13:52 Tyler Yeah. No, I appreciate it. I did feel a little bit jujitsu slut-shamed today. But I mean, those are my own issues and probably resonate from the fact that my practice has been a bit out of balance, right? You know, and it is, you know, life is constantly in flow. There's an ebb and flow, right? And I love the idea of, okay, what is my, what is my overall, what are the overall things that I need to balance, right? What are the things that you know, I can do to, you know, make sure that I'm progressing in all the areas that I want to progress. So having, you know, they used to teach this analogy and I don't know if it was taught everywhere, but I had a teacher that, you know, brought a jar and he had all of these rocks, big rocks, little rocks, and then he had a thing of smaller pea gravel. He's like, how do you think you fit all of this in, right? If you dump the pea gravel in first, there's no room for the rocks. And the analogy is that you put the big rocks in first, and then you sprinkle the pea gravel, and it fills the negative space. And so, you're able to actually fill this all up and fill the container up. And then everything fits, right? Yeah. And so, you know, understanding what those big rocks are, big rocks are gonna be family work, whatever, whatever those are, let's identify them, right? And, and, and know that, that perhaps if you're present with your family, those things aren't, you're not out of balance with them. You're being present, and you're giving your 100% of your attention, right? Man, How dangerous is it to be not present on the mat? It's dangerous. You're not protecting yourself. I've been in open mats where I had to walk off the mat because I'm not there mentally. I'm not present. And that's when I know I'm going to get hurt. I know I'm, I'm going to be lazy. And, and so I have, you have to be present in order to really maintain, maintain that balance.

15:58 Danny Yeah. Agreed. Yeah. That is, that's interesting because if you have like those main, those main blocks, right, those main things that you know, like, you know, that they're always going to be there. They're always going in the jar. They're always going to be there. They're always going to be things that you have to give some attention to, but With the idea and the fact that, I often wonder as Americans, just in the fact that we dedicate so much time to work, to earning a living, to earn that living, and we sometimes forget that it's not so much about what we have. Like, yes, we have a nice, we have nice houses, we have nice things, but it's not so much about that. It's more like, could we, could we balance like, what's your, what's the amount of money that you need to make to be happy? Right. And then if we go to like a third world country, man, could you imagine like their happiness is based on completely different things than us as Americans, because we have, all this idea sometimes of keeping up with the Joneses and those ideas of what you have is what I don't have, so I want that.

17:17 Tyler Yeah, those external factors that distort our view.

17:21 Danny Distort it, yeah, for sure. I have to reground myself sometimes and tell myself, no, man, you don't. You don't need more. More is not better. We were up at the lake, and you're looking up at that mountain, and you're seeing how much they've ripped it apart since we've moved here. It sometimes is like, gosh, What's next? I mean, they're just, you know, it's, it's, it's just gone. It's gone. That whole mountain is gone. And at night, those lights stayed on the hotel, they were staying up the whole time. And I'm thinking, man, how much, what do you got going on over there? You know, and so it's out of balance for me, because I'm thinking, Where, what's next? What are they going to do next? What's going to happen next? And so when you put those blocks in there, like families, families should be number one thing, right? That should be like the biggest thing that you, family, family, what's not, and not like chasing, chasing something, but just building a strong foundation for your family. Right. You know, which I think We work really hard for our families. We work really hard to right some wrongs in our own childhood, in our own past with our fathers and with our mothers. Especially you and I with our mothers sometimes. My mom is great and she's awesome, but there's things that I'm always having to remind her like, hey, don't forget, these things are out there. We work really hard on our family. That is a big block for me.

18:58 Tyler I want to make sure my family is good. When I think of balance, I often think of a scale. We have this scale and it needs to be completely you know, level and that is balance, right? Like true balance. But at the same time, and the concept of juggling all these things, you're still balanced, right? Right. Even though the things are in the air, um, being able to shut those off and not focus on task switching, then that, that's probably where I'm losing it in juggling. Like I'm tasked with, you know, there's this ball over here and I've got to grab it. And if you're watching the YouTube, you're getting an extra show today because we're doing a lot of pantomime, pantomime juggling. So, um, Yeah, I think you do have to bring things into balance. And that doesn't necessarily mean that the scale is completely level. There may be things floating in the air that aren't on the scale that you're not weighing and measuring. Stop thinking of it as a scale to measure Um, you know, if, if something is truly imbalanced, it's not, wait, we're not specifically talking about.

20:04 Danny Yeah. And, and, and it could be like emotions can cause emotions can cause you to like, look at something differently, like see things differently. Like, um, you know, if you're, if you're a little bit out of balance and somebody makes a comment to you that you're like, well, I'm not, that didn't, that caught me off guard. You could be like, you can react in a negative way. And if you do that with somebody that you love, then you have to now go back and like, Hey, I didn't mean to do that. Right. That's, you know, sorry about that. I didn't, I was a little out of my, my, my, my brain's a little out of balance.

20:40 Tyler Oh yeah. I'm constantly out of balance. I mean, You know, I think it's managing, it is managing that expectation and managing those relationships and bringing some of the past back into balance and understanding it. You know, viewing it and knowing that it's there, right? It can be up in the air. It's fine. It doesn't have to be a weight on the scale. It doesn't. But if we're aware of it and if we need to switch our focus to it, if we need to take a look at it deeper and then understand it, maybe we need to shrink that rock a little bit. Sure. you know? And so it becomes one of those pebbles. That'd be ideal, right? Those preconditioned things that we learn that keep us from being regulated. When we talk about ascent, we're going to be talking a lot about how do we bring our nervous system into regulation. Is it balance or is it capacity?

21:28 Danny Sure. Yeah, is it uncluttering? Yeah. Like decluttering a bunch like your list and being like, hey, Maybe you can combine some things together so that it's not two separate tasks, but both those tasks can be accomplished with one of your attention spans. And it's true, that's a good way to look at it because balance is, you know, so your central nervous system is such a funny, finicky monster.

21:57 Tyler Well, I think we've lost touch with it. Yeah. Right. As I, we go back and we kind of touched on this and I think in the ascent, you know, episode a little bit, but like we exist on both the predator and prey scale. But due to modern-day technology, we've detached a lot of the senses that we would have used, that we don't need them because we're not prey. We don't have to worry about the lion in our camp carrying us to Shredden. And so we have all these perceived threats, and we're now perceiving these threats, and they're not real. The traffic that you sit in, it's a daily inconvenience. It's just inconvenient. It's not catastrophic. Nobody's bleeding, choking, or on fire. Do we need to get so emotional about the guy that cuts us off? Yeah, agreed. Why aren't we seeking to understand within ourselves how our nervous system is balanced? what the capacity is of it, right? I like to think of it as lifting weights, right? Can you lift two weights with two different weights on either end of the – Yeah, on your arms? On your arms? No, right? But at the same time, if you can lift a hundred pounds and you take all that weight off and it's five pounds on each side, you can go forever. Yeah, yeah. Or you can go a really long time. But as you start stacking stuff on there, your capacity Shrinks agreed. So are you aware of what that capacity is? Yeah. And, and how do you ensure that there is balance so that you're not like lifting weird with one arm and it's, it's manageable.

23:39 Danny Sure. And so what does that mean? That means that something is going to get let down or someone is going to get let down. You may take it as like, man, I'm letting this down or I'm letting that person down because I can't give all my attention to them. But maybe understanding that you can't give all of your attention to something is a better way to ease your central nervous system and your emotions and then unbalance so that it's not unbalanced. You're now balancing it with taking something off the plate. Yeah. Removing something from there. Removing something, because you're like, I can't give all my attention to that, right?

24:17 Tyler Yeah, and go back to your values. Go back to your values. What do you value? What is important to you? What are those big rocks?

24:23 Danny Yeah, the ones that are the most important.

24:25 Tyler Right? And it's okay to not give something your attention. Agreed. Or someone. Or someone. They may not need it. I mean, as long as you clearly communicate what you're capable of giving them. Don't over-own it. Don't over-personalize a reaction. Right? understand where the boundary is, what are your boundaries with that interaction. And it's completely okay, and be kind to yourself. Be kind to yourself if you're not giving something your attention. I think in modern day work, we are sold A shitty bill of goods. Yeah. Right? Like we have slack now on our phones. We were supposed to get text messages and emails. Are we supposed to respond immediately? Right.

25:11 Danny You know, how do you, yeah, I struggle with that. Right. If you text me and I'm driving, I'm like, man, I need to text him back. And sometimes I'll like, I'll just instinctively start texting. And I'm like, man, what are you doing? Write your phone down. Right. And I was like, that, that text message is not that important. That email is not that important. Right. That situation is not that important that, Somebody's not gonna understand that you're driving right right and no, that's it. That is that is true. Like you you're you put all these expectations on yourself and These ideas that that can't wait right that can't wait when I can't wait. I can't wait toxic relationships toxic toxic toxic relationships with a job with another person with another entity, you know, anything that's toxic can cause you to have some unbalancements. Right. In a hundred, you, you can be completely off balance because that energy from that other person in that other situation is now drawing you. And, and it's waiting that, like you said, that weight is now like being uneven with with your emotions that you're given to eat something and those men toxic, toxic things can cause you to be really unbalanced, especially as a man.

26:32 Tyler Oh, for sure. For sure. And I think, you know, if we ignore something long enough, It can become toxic, it can fester. If we ignore looking at some of the subconscious routines we learn from our mothers, from our fathers, from our past relationships, we ignore that. What we resist persists, and it can spill over. What's that saying? That if you don't address your childhood traumas early on, your adult relationships will. Yeah, they'll come up right and I can strike and speak from firsthand experience right that when I look back at my divorce and the 19 years I spent with My ex-wife like there were things that I was not aware of right and I was not aware of it It was subconscious stuff that was just kind of coming out and I wasn't I needed to take a look at it and I needed to bring it into balance by understanding what it was and why it was there, and why my ego was so insistent on protecting it.

27:36 Danny Yeah. Because you're like, man, you take so much ownership. Right. You buy so much of that stock, and you're like, I cannot get rid of this stock. That's me. That's who I am. That's the person. I remember one time I was talking with my uncle who had been married for a while. And you know, you always share this, um, you know, 50, 50 of a relationship, right? Like I've always been like, I was, I was always like 50, 50. I bring in 15, Misty brings in 50 in the market. It was like, no, no, no, that's not even close. What are you talking about? What do you mean? He's like, No, you bring in a hundred percent of yourself. Misty brings a hundred percent of herself and you meet in the middle. Right. Sometimes, sometimes you're bringing in 80. Sometimes Misty's bringing in 20, but you cannot do more than what you're, you can't do 150 to cover Misty's other 50. Right. You can only do a hundred percent of what you can do just for you, what you can do. Sometimes you're doing 80 and that's going to help Misty, but she can't bring you. She can't expect you, Danny, To do more than what you're physically able to do and I was like Wow, that's that's it. That that was it was a lot for me because I guys I did because I thought no no, I can I can always Cover and carry misty which there are times when we both help each other and cover each other She has to do her part. Of course. She has to do her. I'm not responsible to do 200% just because she can't do a hundred and the awareness of saying like if I show up Home, and I'm at 20%

29:12 Tyler You know, I've got to be able to communicate that. Yeah. I'm at 20%. I need some time to figure out how I can recharge and try and get myself to, you know, at a minimum 80, like 80%.

29:23 Danny Well, and we, you know, I think that you and I both do probably do a more than exceptional job of like, boom, ready to go. Right. Especially in front of our families, because, because we did come home from, we did come from single mom homes where we did have to, We did have to carry some burden, so it's like, it's okay man, I'll carry some burden, but I can't do more than what I'm physically able to do.

29:45 Tyler Yeah, as soon as we start over-functioning, we lead to that toxic breakdown. Agreed. As soon as we start over-functioning, we lead to that toxic breakdown.

29:52 Danny And the ability to voice, hey, I'm not at 50% to your significant other, They're so appreciative of it because what happens, they feel like, oh, I can carry you now. And they may not have ever felt that because you've never given them that space where they can feel that way. And so that balance of talking and sharing and being able to externalize what we're going through as men gives our significant other the ability to counterweight that balance.

30:26 Tyler 100% life, right? 100%. And you know what I think some next level relationship shit is, is when you both are at 20%. You each go your separate ways, you go to work and you come home and you're both drained. What do you do? What do you do? And if you can sit down at the table And say, honey, I'm at 20%. I know you're at 20%. How do we mitigate this so that we don't just trigger each other? And maybe that's it. Maybe that's it. Maybe you just call it a day and say, hey, we'll recharge. But you have to have that conversation. I think it would be some next level relationship shit if you could sit down and say, what is our mitigation plan for us both being low?

31:07 Danny Yeah. It's easy to do it when everybody's jiving, when you're having a good time and you're bopping. When your other partner is not giving 100%, you can't give 100%, that's hard. And to be able to convey that to your family, significant other, man, any relationship that you have with work, with life, if you can have a healthy, balanced, conversation with or a relationship, it's only going to help you, right? Now, we're going to fail. We're not always going to… And maybe I reacted not the right way. Sure. And that's happened with me when I was younger. I've said this before. When Misty and I would fight when we were younger, I honestly thought we were getting divorced. I honestly would say, in my head, I would catastrophize. I can't remember how you said that word. Yeah, you always have these great words. I've got the best words. We'll get to the Chakruti Rudi reborn. But if you, man, I would, in my head, I would already have played out how we're going to go to the divorce table and I'd come back. And she's like, what is going on? And I'm like, well, we were going to get divorced. We're fine. And she's like, what? How would you even think that? And I'm like, well, that's what happens when you fight. She's like, no, what are you talking about? We just move on. And I'm like, how do you move on from something like that? We're fighting. She's like, no, we had a disagreement. We're not fighting. It's not like you and I are fighting. We're not going to go our separate ways. And it took me a good I mean, 10 years where I would not think about it like that. But with that, you'd find a rainbow at the end, right? And you're like, man, looking back at that, I can honestly say, If there's men out there that feel that way, it's just a matter of talking and opening up, sharing. In my mind, I'm a tough guy, but man, I'm emotional as hell sometimes. Super emotional, right? And you can see it on me when I'm emotional or when I lose my temper, lose my shit. You're like, whoa!

33:23 Tyler The balls go up, yeah. I think a lot of men are similar, right? Yeah. I do think it comes back to like understanding the capacity of that nervous system and understanding what is it. What does it actually mean to be, you know, oftentimes when they talk about nervous system regulation, they talk about Bruce Banner versus the Hulk. The Hulk being just this wildly reactive rage driven monster, whereas Bruce Banner is the calm, collected scientist, thinker, right? He is the warrior in the garden.

34:02 Danny Yeah, for sure.

34:05 Tyler And so, how do you find that? And I would say, well, let's start at Men's Ascent. Always, yeah. Let's start at Men's Ascent and let's have some dialogue and conversation about it.

34:16 Danny Having a good battalion of buddies is what you need, because everybody's going to war the same way. We're all going to war. We're always fighting. We want the same fight. We're fighting the same fight. When Tyler and I talk about the Men's Ascent, and when I'm telling people about the Men's Ascent, I'm always telling them, hey, we're just trying to get together. Tyler and I are going to share what we're working on. We're going to share our project. We're going to share our directions that we see, our common unity, our community. And then when questions arise or when situations arise, we're going to have this amazing men's group. We can bounce ideas off of each other and we can all walk away with a brighter future of how we can see things. And then what's going to happen? We're going to pass it on to other people. We're going to talk to our children. We're going to talk to our friends. We're going to be like, hey, this is what I'm learning, this is what I've learned, like we do anyways, right? We just bounce ideas off of each other and we trust each other in this space that we're like, hey, you're going through something, I'm going through something and we're going to ascend together.

35:23 Tyler Yeah. That's so interesting because that was a question. I interviewed for the sheriff's department this week. And I interviewed with the sheriff and his under under sheriff. And one of the questions was, we are a team community. You know, there's oftentimes there's new equipment or new things, like, how do you, you know, sometimes, you know, with rank, there's entitlement, like, how do you find balance in that? And that was that was 100%. My answer was, you know, one, We're a team and a team looks out for each other. Sometimes you've got to be back to back and looking out for each other and realize that the safety and health of the overall team in that unity consciousness is more important than an individual need. There's times when that's completely the case, that you have to look out for the safety of the collective rather than, you know, isn't that what they push for COVID, right? The safety of the collective, right? And there are times in certain communities where that's absolutely necessary, right? And that you do have to table some of your own individual, you know, desires, right? But you do it within reason. And if it crosses a boundary, if there's a boundary that's crossed, you then have to ask yourself, do I align with this organization? Is it really in my core values to stay here and fight this fight with you? Because maybe your fight's with something else. Maybe you need to recuse yourself and move out. Find a different community. Find a smaller community. Find a community where it's more aligned with your values.

37:06 Danny We've talked about this before, it's not like you can change your values. It's not like you can just go, no, I don't believe that. Because in the back of your head, it's always gonna eat away at you. You're gonna be like, it's always gonna be there. You're gonna be like, hey man, no, no, I'm not supposed to like that, no. It's not like you can change your values. Your values are, those things are with you forever and you can look at them, harness them and just continue to grow those. You can never just be like, nope, don't believe in that anymore.

37:35 Tyler No, they will evolve as well, and your definition and how you define them, and you'll become more specific with them. And yeah, they're with you. They should be with you.

37:47 Danny They should define you. And so then when you re-bring that back to balance, Those values are going to only enhance what you're working on, what you believe in. And like I told you from the beginning, when you sit down at night and you write your goals for the next day, those are always evolving. Those are always going to change. And as long as you have your core things that you work on, the core things that you do every day, you're going to be able to have a sense of balance. Today they were teasing me at jiu-jitsu because they haven't seen me as much in Park City because of my work schedule. And I was leaving and I had already texted Tyler that it was a bunch of white belts. And I was like, man, this class is so good for you because it was Preston and then like 10 white belts. And I was like, man, this is like one of those classes where I was like, I'm going to tell Tyler, put a little pressure on him that he probably should be there. And then it's okay if he can't go, right? And they were like, well, you're leaving. That's what Preston goes. He goes, well, you're not even staying. And I'm like, yeah, this first six years of my Jiu Jitsu journey, I did not have a lot of balance. If I wanted to go to Jiu Jitsu and Misty wanted to go to dinner, I went to Jiu Jitsu. I didn't balance anything like that. Not that I wouldn't, like if Misty was like, hey, I need you for this. But on my schedule, I was at class that day. And if professor said, Hey, I need an extra, I need some, can you, can you be there? Cause uh, some other guys are dropping in. I would be there. And I was always making sure that I was at Jiu Jitsu because I was like, man, that's where, that's how I identify myself. So like they, it's, it's kind of abnormal for them not to see me there and for me to be leaving. Right. And what I told him is, is like, Now, now I'm comfortable in like my journey where I'm like, I don't, it still wears on me. It's still like I'm driving home and I'm like, am I making the right decision? I need to go back there because it's one, it's a bunch of white belts. I can practice everything that I'm working on, right? Without, with little to no exposure of me having to worry about myself. I can practice on everything that I'm working on. And I was like, nope, you're doing the right thing. You're doing the right thing. So subconsciously, right? I know I'm doing the right thing. So that's when you know, you know, like, yes, we're going to be chaotic. We're going to have all these things and we're not going to be able to juggle everything right away. What we're going to have to do is just bring it down to just, can I do one ball? Just the rhythm. Can I do two in one hand, right? And then now focus on just the middle ball, right? And so when you address that, don't you move that to life skills, right? It's just the concrete rock foundations. What do we need to put ourself into? not dopamine dumping, not this crazy social media world where it's all fake bullshit. And I was telling my kids that the other day. I was like, man, what's your screen time? What's your hours on your screen time? Because I know what mine is. And mine is sub five a lot of times. And so if you're like, that's fake. Put your energy somewhere else, man. Yeah, 100%. Put your energy somewhere else. And so that's what I think when we talk about balance and when we wrap this up, such a fun concept because it's like your friend said. There is no such thing. Yeah. There really isn't. It's presence. Right. It is present. It's being focused on certain skill sets, certain things that you know that, okay, these are the things that I have to, like you were saying, like there's things right now that you just have to put some energy into. So there's some other things that are taking the back burner on. Right. And that's fine because it's not that they're not there. It's not that they're not the Pete gravel that you can find some time to put a man, right. Yeah. Yeah. But That's not how we build a solid building. We don't put it on teetering rocks. We put it on solid foundation.

41:55 Tyler Right. So true. So true. What a cool episode today. super stoked that we were able to kind of just dive into this. It could go so deep. So funny.

42:05 Danny Well, I want to go back to something that's like brought into my head. So you were talking about us being praise and, um, that we're sometimes predators and some are sometimes praise. And so, um, that book with about the horses, the horse, uh, think like a horse, like a horse. So in there, he's talking about, um, horses and their, their prey animals. And he was talking about how A colt is born and they're bucking. And I've always wondered, well, why? I don't understand why that horse is bucking. And he's like, well, it's because a mountain lion is. He doesn't know if it's a mountain lion or a person on the back, I thought. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. That makes so much sense. Yeah. And that's what, and that's why they kick, they kick, they, they don't like it because they have no idea what's on their back.

42:54 Tyler The only concept that they have of something being on their back is something trying to keep them. Yeah. Right.

42:59 Danny I was like, that makes so much sense. Cause I was like, I don't understand why they don't like men there. What are the, what else are they there for?

43:13 Tyler You learn so much. I've learned so much from that book, and I want to do a deeper dive into that book.

43:17 Danny Yeah. The way that they do their community, they have a hierarchy of animals. So, he's talking about how when they're feeding, and the one horse goes in there and it starts to get bullied out of there because it's not, it didn't, it didn't do what's correct. Right. And I think that when we're in like jujitsu and when we're in wrestling, like I think about that because like you learn a lot quicker if you're in jujitsu, like you're in there as opposed to me telling you what it's like, right? Like you understand the hierarchy right away as soon as something goes wrong, right? As soon as somebody steps out of line and man, somebody gets their butt chewed and you're like, well now I know. Yeah, I know. I got it. I'm good now. I don't have to go down that line. But that book is cool. Put myself into check. Yeah, that's a good book. And I, uh, did you finish it? So I'm pretty close. I'm right about an hour left, but I've gotten most of it. Um, he has some really cool stories. Um, some of the dialogue, like some of it was just like, I didn't really understand this. Like it was a little too, I mean, like horses are great. I think they're great, but I was, I got lost a couple of times and I'm like, I have no idea.

44:27 Tyler Yeah, his ability to relate a lot of the stories to coaching and learning yourself. It's interesting. I can't wait to do an episode. I know. I think we need to do an episode because I was helping my friend corral her horses into into her corral and she's like, no, you've got to show it. You've got to be the bigger person. You can't be like, it's not like, I hear horsey, come over here. No, you've got to get around its neck and you've got to kind of, you're the boss here. You're the boss here. Otherwise, it's going to bully you back. especially when they get to that, you know, kind of well-trained, you know, if it's eating or it's feeding, like, you know, and you want it to go back in the pen, you have to like physically move its attention to where it needs to be. And I was like, man, this is not my world, but I can see so many life lessons here. And, you know, I think, you know, when you get to the heroes and horses part, I think, you know, I'm headed up to that charity in the beginning of October. Yeah, we're going to go do a fundraiser up there. I'm going to be a guest. Hopefully, after that event, I'll have a little bit more perspective around the book that I can share. Do you meet that guy? I don't know if he'll be there or not. Ernest, I think his name is Ernest. Yeah, not my world. After reading the book and hearing the parallels to life, I'm very, very interested.

45:55 Danny Yeah. Man, their ability to, I mean, talk about balance, holy crap. He was talking about having to put a burlap sack on the back of the horse to teach it that when I'm on there and I put my raincoat on, I look like, Oh man, I never even thought about something like that. But could you imagine a horse running 100 miles an hour because it's got spooked by you? Yeah. But you're on it. Yeah. You're already on the damn thing and now it's scared of you? Yeah. What about balance? Holy crap. How do you keep your mental wits about you when this thing is like a freight train? Yeah. I was watching a video the other day and a horse was out of control and the horse would just stand and then jump on its side hard. And they said, if you listen to the sound, the horse doesn't care about itself. And it was like the loudest, but it was just, as soon as the rider would put a foot on him, it would drop to him. And I was like, I don't understand. What is that thing bred for? It's supposed to be ridden, right? No, that's not the way it is. So talk about balance, man. Those people, those dudes, they have bad things. Those things are monsters.

47:07 Tyler I get it. I mean, it's a whole different world. For sure. What a fascinating parallel to, we can draw from.

47:13 Danny I'm stoked for you to go up there and hang out with those people and learn some more. Yeah. So what else you got coming up?

47:20 Tyler Man, men's ascent. Men's ascent is 100% the biggest priority. Blue belt test, still waiting on a date. October 14th. I think it's going to change. Really? I have a hunch. Really? Yeah, I have a hunch it's going to change. Yeah.

47:35 Danny It's so funny that the The blue belt test brings out so many dynamics because it comes with promotions. We had that episode about promotions right after it happened, right? And so, yeah, it's an interesting balance in itself.

47:53 Tyler I'm not jealous. I'm glad I don't run the schedule on the account. There's people that want to test. They don't want to wait a whole other six months for the next test. October 14th is the date of that retreat. So, I reached out and the academy was like, yeah, we've got a couple people that have conflicts to that date.

48:12 Danny Maybe you guys can change it. Yeah. I think they're hoping they'll move it and push it forward a little bit or move it closer to move it closer or after.

48:20 Tyler I might prefer closer. Okay. I might prefer closer. I know There's other guys that have conflicts after it's just, it's a lot of dining. It's like herding cats, right? It's like herding a bunch of horses.

48:31 Danny Herding a bunch of horses. Yeah. So, um, what about you? What do you got going? Me? Yeah, man. Um, so birthday coming up. Yeah. We're trying to get out of town one more time. Um, before, you know, it's getting cold, you know, me, um, so cool thing. We, uh, I am helping with park city wrestling. Oh, helping there and kind of help them try to get some stuff going. They've got some, uh, they've got some, uh, some momentum. I've got a new moving school director that has a bunch of wrestling experience and he wants to build the process forward a little bit. And so, yeah, so we're going to be helping them this year. Um, Men's Ascent. I'm doing a bunch of reaching out, really calling people and telling them. I had an hour conversation with some men today. It was a man and his sons that I was telling them about the Men's Ascent, just so they could pass it on with their community and their church. That's about it for me. Yeah, we're just working a bunch and trying to get the bus ready. Trying to find some, uh, some balance with that because I'm trying to go out every day and Misty's like, no, we can't go out. I got to work. Yeah. So, yeah. So, I mean, you know, it's good. It's a, it's fun. We're, uh, we're having a good time with, with a lot of things. Yeah.

49:52 Tyler He's getting that last bit of sunshine in behind you, man. The snow comes in. Today was beautiful. Get to hibernation. I know. I know I was on the motorcycle all day. I see. I just had to have to A couple things, a couple errands to run and a motorcycle. It could snow any day from now on. Isn't that crazy for us? Especially up in our little mountain town. Anytime we can get the snow. They're already saying that this year is going to be just as bad as last year. You love that. I mean, I want to scare off some more of these Californians. Let's go flood over there by Deer Creek. Yeah. I mean, the water looks way low. I was in the river for the first time this week. Oh, yeah. I've seen that. It's back to kind of normal levels. I wish I would have gotten in more when it was deeper. I know others were and just didn't have time. Sure. Yeah.

50:50 Danny That was cool. We appreciate you guys listening to us. Thank you guys for sharing our space. I've seen a couple people on social media sharing our stuff. Preston, thank you so much, man. Preston shared us again on, uh, on our little, uh, jujitsu websites and stuff and was, was talking us up. And so thank you so much, Preston. Um, we're grateful for you guys and yeah, so come see us, come, uh, come hang out with us, come share, share some space with us, give us some insight. And then, uh, you know, us anytime, anytime you want, you know, where we're at.

51:23 Tyler Yep, I'm training tomorrow, tomorrow at 11. Saturday, we'll be down in Lehigh. Saturday. Come see us on Saturday.

51:30 Danny Saturday is a good class. It's a good class on Saturday. And then, yeah, so we'll have all that stuff coming on. And if you guys have any questions, shoot us a DM, shoot us a shot. Let us know what you guys want us to, what you guys have in mind, and give us some thoughts. Yeah, that's cool. Uh, we appreciate you guys. And, uh, where can we find you again?

51:54 Tyler Yeah. Lost Boy Scouts just about everywhere. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, all those places. You've heard it. You've heard it before. Yeah. Like and subscribe the podcast, man. That's where we really need you. Get the comments, get engaged. We're building a community. If you dig it, engage with the community. Sure. Yep. Okay. Thank you guys. Cheers. Cheers.