Lost Boy Scouts Podcast

Swell AI Transcript: S1 E17.wav
Danny: Welcome to the Lost Boy Scouts podcast. How are you? I'm good, man. Yeah.
Tyler: Good to you. Yeah. It's been, uh, it's been, um, man, last week was heavy. Yeah. I carried a lot of weight. You did, but, um, I'm good. Yeah.

Danny: What about you? Good. Yeah. Really good. Um, yeah, really good. I feel good. Um, I felt like, uh, um, we had, uh, what, what was the last topic? I can't even remember. Friendship. Yeah. Friendship. Was it friendship?

Tyler: Yeah. We talked about, Why can't we be friends?

Danny: Why can't we be friends? Yeah, that's right. And how men develop with friendships. Yeah. How hard they can be. How hard they can be and how like, um, it's a struggle for some people to find friendships. It really is. So after talking to a couple of people after I, uh, after, you know, I kind of like, I send my, I send the podcast to a bunch of people just so that they can listen to it. And they're always like, Oh, thank you so much. And I'm like, yeah, you should subscribe, man, that I don't have to send it to you. But it's okay. I sent it to him and a couple of responses to me where they said, yeah, it's really weird. It's weird to me that men or that I don't have as many friendships as I think I do. Right. After thinking about like the fact that you and I had friends from high school, we still talk to, um, and then just, just the fact that like, sometimes it's hard to, to know, is it a true friendship with, with somebody?

Tyler: And it's become really easy these days to isolate yourself. For sure. To isolate yourself, right? And with technology, it connects us, but at the same time, it's not a real connection, right? No. You need a tangible human.

Danny: Yeah, you need to be able to have some conversation with people. see banter off of each other. Um, so I'm at work and on my first set of days off. So like, you know, when I first get to work, I should say, so we have crews. So every two days there's a different set of crews. RDOs is what they're called rotating days off. And, um, so my days off, my technically my days off are Wednesday, Thursday, which is a younger side of the world, which is a younger side of the crew. And then later on in the week, you know, you get towards like Friday, Saturday, Saturday or Friday, Saturday, Saturday, Sunday off. And those people tend to be, have more seniority, more they're older. And so, um, I get to work like usually on Friday and I'm so bored because they don't say nothing to each other. They don't talk. They don't ask each other how their weekends were. They don't want to, they don't want to know. They don't care. Wow. They don't even like each other very much. Right. And, um, so I sit there and I'll like try to engage in conversation, but it's like one word answers. Yeah. And then I'm like, Oh my gosh, I can't wait for my friends to get here.

Tyler: Later on in the week speaking to your children. Yeah, just like it'll pull it out of him It might help if you text it to him ready get on like snapchat and snap him. Hey, yeah

Danny: I just want to know how you are. Yeah. Um, yeah. And then today would be, you know, my, my, my considered my Friday today would be considered my Friday, but the older crew started to roll in and there's so much banter. Yeah. There's so much conversation that are happening that you're like, just, I'm enjoying it. Cause I'm like, man, I just love, I love being a part of that. And I think, Is that something that's happening? Are people losing the ability to communicate and to talk to each other, to ask each other, how are you? Just those simple words like, how are you? If you ask me how I am, I'm always like, I'm amazing, man. How are you? Thank you for asking. Yeah. I wish I was amazing. Why are you not? You know, look at the world. It's all, I mean, I'm in a good, I have a great life. Yeah. Yeah. But I also tell myself sometimes that just tell everybody you're amazing. Cause they don't give a shit about the universe.

Tyler: Yeah. In the universe.

Danny: Yeah. They don't care. Um, what, what, what, uh, how'd you feel about the podcast? What'd you think?

Tyler: Man, friendship is such a great topic. Again, I worry about the next generation of just being able to talk to another human being. I remember the days when you'd want to talk to a girl. Not only did you have to pick up a phone that was connected to the wall, but you also might have to talk to that girl's parents. And I'm like, that builds so much character. You have to be able to talk to um, you know, people of authority or people that are adults or people that maybe have some seniority over you. And I worry about how this next generation is going to integrate into like the work environment. You know, a lot of what I did in my previous consulting job was talk to a lot of you know, C suite executives, right? And I'm like, I wouldn't put a millennial in front of a C suite executive ever until I guess maybe they become executives in which case they can all sit around the conference room and just text each other what they're thinking.

Danny: Yeah. Here's an idea and they're texting it to each other. Well, and there's a lot of times when, um, I'm sure you do this with your kids, but when Tristan and I are, so I have a rule, like when Tripp and I are driving, If he gets on his phone, I'm like, Hey, you got to tell me a story, something that I don't know. And that's something you think that I may be upset about. I need, it needs to be juicy. It has to be juicy. Right. But, um, if not, then he'll sit there on his phone and I'll be like, Hey man, you need to engage in a conversation with me. Cause why, why would, why are you, we're driving? I want to talk. I can't be on my phone. Yeah. You know, and, and, um, somebody keep me awake. Yeah. I don't want to crash this bus. Yeah. Tell me what's going on, man. And, uh, yeah, I worry the same thing. I think I hope, um, yeah, that they're there cause there are levels, right? There are levels of friendship. Even there's levels that you have to be able to navigate and to be able to, to, to decide, is this something that I should pursue? Is this, is this a conversation that I need to like further engage in and really think about my thoughts before I, before I say them. Right. Right. Cause sometimes if not, then it's like, lol and that's it that's it i know one word answers and that's it i know i i hope my friendships are better than that i want them to be um organic and to be awesome and to and for people to um really genuinely care like i said i i tend to wonder if I give off a fake vibe sometimes. And I hope not. I hope people can see through the bullshit that there are times when I'm fake, but it's probably just because I'm tired and I don't want to deal with your shit.

Tyler: What I'm really surprised is even with all the acronyms, even with all the imagoys, Yeah, the gifts, the gifts, um, that like, that is still a more complicated way to talk for sure. Right? Like it's just so much easier to just pick up the phone and be like, let's hash this out. Yeah. Let's talk. Yeah. Let's let me hear your voice. Let me hear the tonality or that way. I'm not like reading into something because my mood is off. Yeah.

Danny: Remember when you and drip were texting each other and I sent you that Keenan and you feel because I was like, this is exactly, it's one conversation. There's two different conversations that are happening. I see that a lot, like in my mind of like, Oh yeah, I sent it to Kami.

Tyler: Right. Like, right. Like we were, uh, we were texting back and forth or over something. I'm like, I'm just not like you, you know, my, maybe I'm triggered by something or maybe she's triggered by something. And you're like, we're just not communicating effectively.

Danny: We're not connecting. Yeah. We're not connecting the way that we should. Yeah. Yeah. Let's, let's do it over the phone. Um, there's been times when like, I've had friendships that, uh, just barely in the past where, um, this person thought that our friendship was a little bit more, a little bit more than what it was, you know, and something came up that I was like, well, my friend, my, this friend, I'm way more closer to than that person. Right. And, and, uh, this friendship that, that that person thought was, um, more solid or more important than my actual friendship. They started texting me and I was like, wait, wait, wait, let's not text about this the way you're texting me. Let's not talk, let's not text about this. Let's actually meet up so that we can see each other's facial expressions to make sure that you carry that same energy into this conversation with me. It's easy to text, but let's talk in person.

Tyler: Exactly.

Danny: You know what I mean? And that's always better than like…

Tyler: I mean, if there's a disagreement, man, let's, let's talk about it. I don't, how many friendships have ended? Yeah. Who knows?

Danny: Who knows? Who knows? Yeah. A bunch of, uh, just a bunch of tech where they call those, uh, textboard warriors. Yeah.

Tyler: Keyboard warriors, keyboard warriors, just ruining relationships left and right over silly little, silly spelling errors and punctuation. Let's eat grandma versus eat grandma.

Danny: Yeah, no comma. No, that's cool. I mean, I think, like I said, I think men developing friendships is super important. I think finding your tribe, I think finding that So the test was huge. It was so big. I mean, in your mind, right? So backstory again, Tyler tested for his blue belt. Tested for the blue belt. Man, looked amazing. Thank you. You guys looked so good. You guys looked like you had put in the work. In jujitsu, um, you come in, you get your white belt. They, you know, they, they, they give you the white belt and then you earn your blue belt. That's the first belt that you earn that they don't give you. They earn it. And, um, you take a test and we, we're so lucky in Park City because we, there is a test and you test in front of everybody. Yep. And man, didn't people show up or what?

Tyler: Yes. It was, it was, that was a big old long test. Dude. There was, because there was a quite a few of us and there was quite a few of us. We had a surprise, a group of gentlemen test. I wasn't prepared for in the black belts, lift belts that tested first time ever seeing that.

Danny: Yeah. Again, like again, part of the Jiu Jitsu man, like you, you test for you test for your belts. You do not just get your belts. They do not just give out belts. You test, you earn. And, uh, yeah, shout out to cookie and Keith.

Tyler: Yeah. And look up to those guys so much. Um, it's been a cool two year journey to, to see them. Um, they're so technical. Oh man, they looked so good. And they looked so good.

Danny: And your friendship. So that's the big thing about friendships, man. Like we literally had the Academy full. It was two lines of people, two lines of people sitting there on one side of the wall and then a whole other line of people then All around, if you're watching YouTube, the entire upper level was chock full of people. The stairs, there were like, it was standing room only in the corner. And then the garage doors were open and there was a bunch of people out there. And here's this group of people, I think it was, so Keith and Cookie, and then there was at least 10 people testing for Bluebelt. A couple people test them for purple belt and they had to do the blue belt moves, you know, and, and, um, and everybody showed up. Um, everybody showed up and everybody was there like supporting and like, you know, the, the test kind of started off a little rough with people not like taking the test seriously. And then Mike. He completely got everybody in there. He goes, Hey, we're doing this and we're doing this correct.

Tyler: I'm glad he had that, um, conversation before he got to us in a line, because to be honest, I think it was, it was mostly in people's heads, right? Like we spent the last two hours, those of us who were testing out there about two hours early, sure. Started running through some things. Right. And you know, the, the, the concept of going slow. You want to go slow, you want to do it right. But he also wants to see an intensity. He wanted to see an intensity. And of course, some of the first few moves are hip throws and managing the distance. And you want to show those with intensity, right? Because it is self-defense. It's primarily self-defense based. So, I'm glad he got to that before Ray and I. Cause Ray and I were able to just say, all right, we're just going to send it. I just told Ray, I'm like, you just throw me, just throw me. I'm ready. Throw me. And he goes, all right, do the same man.

Danny: When he threw you in the, everybody in the audience was like, yeah, the whole gym was like, was like energetic. Right. And, uh, how, how, so what was your preparation? What exactly was your preparation leading to the test on, uh, you've been doing jujitsu for now.

Tyler: About two years January will be like the end of January will be two years. So you so you so that's that in itself is preparation Yeah, right hundred and hundred and seventy eight hours of classes logged and now I know I've missed a few But I also know that like open mats aren't aren't logged and that's an additional hour You know, so I probably say close to you know, three hundred twenty five hours of Jujitsu in there, right?

Danny: Yeah, and then we were meeting a once or twice a week for you guys to go through the moves, just the moves, just the moves, review the moves. And then you guys would, um, of you would, you would not do open mat and you would just review the moves.

Tyler: Just remove the mute. Yes. Just review the moves. Cool. Additionally, um, I have access to the page with sour white to blue videos I purchased and some I purchased. I first started the journey. And we'll talk more about it as we talk about comparison later on. I sat down and inside my jiu-jitsu journal, I wrote down the name of the move because that's always the hardest part. You practice it, you don't always know the name as it is on the know, the checklist when they call it out, when they call it out. So that was for me, it was like just trying to familiarize myself with the name, with the thing, the idea that's already in my head, right? What is it, what is it on the board versus, you know, what am I going to do? And so I would watch Pedro do it. And then I would write out the steps, you know, in, in a, in a way like for you to remember grabbing under hook. Yeah. Do this. And I'd always use the term Uki, like, you know, so, That was another thing I did to prepare. I think I wrote out all the 88 moves in my jujitsu journal.

Danny: Yeah. Because you have to also be a practice partner. Yeah. You know that you're going to have to do the moves and then remember the burst side of the other side of the moves to practice because the person is going to do the move on you. Right. So you have to put your hands in the right place. You have to do the correct things to make them look good. Yep. And, um, Did you and Ray feel like you had a good partnership?

Tyler: Uh, I could not imagine doing it with somebody different. We really, I think we really helped each other.

Danny: You guys have kind of been in the same, like about the same time with the academy, right?

Tyler: Yeah. The same, the same journey. Um, and I know he coming back from vacation was super nervous and I was just like, I'm going to do what I can to help him to make him look good. And you know, he, he did a great job making sure if we were, know, we had some strategy going in, right? Like we always wanted to be on the right side for throws or for, you know, anything like that, just so we were the headlock stuff, like always on the right side. So we were kind of playing up to our strengths. Oh, sure. Not that you can't do it on the left side, but just sometimes remembering those movements, it's a little bit easier to.

Danny: With your, with your dominant side.

Tyler: Yeah. With your dominant side.

Danny: And then when we went to, so as the test is going or leading up to the test, like you said, just to go back, we, we got there about two hours early. So because Ray was on vacation and he didn't even access for a week. He watched videos and just looked at the videos and know, I think he said he practiced on his wife every once in a while just to make sure that his body was going. But he got there and so we went over the moves and you, I remember seeing that and I wasn't able to go over the moves with you because I had gotten word that Keith was testing and that he potentially needed a partner. We didn't know until the day of for sure that Cookie was testing. Cookie was testing. That's cool. And, um, so I was doing the black belt moves with those guys. Yeah. Thankful for me because like, I need to know those moves. It's interesting when you, you don't do the, you know, you do the moves over and over and over, but then not in a testing format. So you don't ever remember if you know the moves. But I was surprised how much I remembered for the black belt stuff, the weapons. Cause what black belt stuff is also weapons. Yeah. I have self-defense all, all of it. And it's a, yeah, it's a, it's a mind game. It's a, it's, it's can be a mind. So you guys, so you guys were a little tired, right? Leading up to it.

Tyler: And then mentally, just the mental weight of it, just being like, this is something I've wanted for two years. Like this is a goal I've, I have set for myself for two years. So, you know, I never had a doubt that I wouldn't get it, but I wanted to make sure that I represented me and I represented the academy in a way that like where there was honor, right? I wanted to be, I wanted to be prepared. I didn't want professor yelling at me a bunch of times to fix this or fix that. And yes, he did correct us. on a couple things, but I think for the most part, we did a good job representing.

Danny: You could see when he was, he, you know, when he, there's a lot going on, right? He's trying to keep track of it all. And you could see when he was like, I need to get this more organized in my, I need to get this more organized with myself. And then once it started to become more organized and started to flow better, then you could see the excitement in him. of how well everybody was doing the, everybody took the tests. Yes. Nobody took it like nobody took it as a gimme that I'm going to get my belt. Everybody rep, um, represented very well. Cause he always says somebody is going to get a blue belt, right? It could be you. Right. And it could be Preston or I, right.

Tyler: The whole time I had Nick joking that he was going to, he, you know, he's going to, I was going to be the first five stripes.

Danny: Uh, man, it was such a good day. And, and, um, So leading to once we get to go in on the test, right. Um, did you feel like you were like, I remember these moves. I feel like I'm good.

Tyler: Yeah. I felt good. There was definitely one of the comments that came back to me from the, the, the spectators was Kim, the purple, purple belt Kim. I like how we refer to everybody in their belt. Um, she was like, man, were you nervous? And I'm like, a little bit. And she's like, really? Cause I would have thought you were way nervous. Cause you took a huge deep breath before every move. And I was like, yeah, no, it was part of my strategy to just kind of like, okay. You know? Yeah. Regroup, regroup. And you know, like you're shaking. Like there was times where I was like physically shaking just out of nervousness, like sweat.

Danny: Yeah. Yeah. You guys were like, you could see like, um, this group, And I think it was because the black belts were testing. And so you know that like how important it is to, to show up and show out. Right. Yeah. Um, I didn't see very many mistakes. Um, I seen, I liked it when professor would correct, correct what he wanted to see as opposed to what we were doing. Um, there was a, there was a move that Preston and I were teaching a little wrong. Um, the bear hug defense, when they grab your arms, when you have your arms trapped. Oh yeah. We always talk about like making our basing out, but what he was saying was making your chest big so that they can't like squeeze you. And I didn't know the details of that. So I was kind of excited to talk to him about that because I think Preston and I just talk about basing. Yeah. So even that sometimes is good for us because then we learn the details of the moves. And, um, there was a couple of kids So in our academy we have teens, but in Park City specifically we don't have very many competitive teens. which means that they don't, the teams that we have in park city, not Lehigh, but in the park city gym, they don't compete very well, very much. Right. So the ones in Lehigh compete a lot. So they have to be correct in their belts. They cannot be, you know, 16 year old in a white yellow, if they've been training for a while, they've got to be in the blue and green. And so they had a white bar and then they had to retest that they had to take the test. They had to pass the test in order to get the promotions, which is amazing to me, you know, they did good. They did really good. Nate, um, got his blue belt, but he wasn't able to make the test. So he actually tested to make sure the professor knew he knew the moves, which I thought was awesome as well. That's cool. A lot of people, a lot of things like that is, um, what the Academy, what our Academy brings to the table is like, Is that you want to show that, you know, the, the, what the progression it looks like, right? What the progression looks like. You don't want to be like, well, I just got my belt just because I got my belt. You want to like, oh, I earned my belt. Yeah. And then did you know Jesse was going to get his purple?

Tyler: I didn't. I mean, as soon as they called him out to the hot seat, I kind of figured for the shark tank, they would, they would get him. Yeah.

Danny: So halfway, halfway through the, so we do the halfway moves and then He tells the blue belts, okay, you guys go take a break because you need a break for your mentally. And then he pulls out the people that are going to go from blue to purple. And then if there was any purple to Browns, or if there was the black belts that needed to, uh, test to, to, to show some fighting. And Jesse, who we talk about a lot. Um, got his promotion to purple belt, which by the way, I think, um, man, he, he is, he's so tough.

Tyler: He really is. He's such a good flow. Like honestly, I want to be able to flow like Jesse. Like he's, he's, he's yeah. Yeah.

Danny: He's talented. He's got a good body style and he's tall and long legs and. Right. Limber. Yeah. Which I'm not young and limber. Yeah. And, uh, yeah. And, and, and Kyle, Kyle got his purple belt, which was cool. Cause Kyle stuff is tough. Super tough. Yeah. Um, and, um, some of the Lehigh, so we got, uh, Fran got her purple belt down there and Brandon got his purple belt. Shout out to them. And then they call you back out to finish. Yeah. Highlight of the night. Highlight of the night.

Tyler: Highlight of the night. So I got to ask about the, the tradition around the belt ceremony. Cause I sent the video to my mom and she's like, what did you just do? Yeah. Um, and I said, well, you know, it's just part of the tradition. So, um, for those of you who are non non jets players, like they, they built you up, right? So you take your white belt off and then you're one of the black belts or your professor ties your next level belt around you. And then they put you in a collar choke and you can either tap or you can go to sleep. I chose to go to sleep. For me, it was about the death of an old man and the birth of a new one. And my mom was like, what is the significance? And I'm like, I really don't know. I mean, part of it is the trust, trust in Nick. I don't know why I fell forward. But I did. Yeah. Probably because I was unconscious.

Danny: I remember Nick, I remember Nick was like, I couldn't tell. I couldn't tell if you were, cause he kept, I think he even asked you once, are you okay? Yeah. And then he's like, nope, good. And then you were like, fell forward. And I was like, Oh man, he, he, he committed. Yeah. The ceremony. So there's so many ceremonies. Um, Mark was telling me that when he got his blue belt, that they lined up like line, all the belts lined up in a big line. And he walked while they smacked him with his, their belts. I'll take getting choked out. I'll take it. It was like, wait, what? No. And he goes, yeah, you walk to the end. Then you walk back as they smack you with the belts. And I was like, No, I'm not. No way. Jose. He ain't smacking me with that, right? That is a rope. Yeah. That sucker is going to leave a mark. Yeah. Right. Yeah. I don't know. Um, the tradition, I think like, uh, as far as I goes, I think, um, any, in some of the black belts will throw you as well. You can, um, if they choose to throw you and not choke you, then they'll throw you. And that's, yeah. It's almost like, um, right of passage, right? Yeah. You've moved from one belt to the next. Yeah. Um, each belt, um, I, whenever I got my last promotion with my purple belt, I've got four stripes now. So I also was like committed to going out and it was like, well, I've never done it before.

Tyler: Like, well, I mean, as a kid, I used to do that, like stupid, make it do your make yourself do it. I mean, that's essentially what it feels like, but like, I do remember like Sunday morning, I was hurting for multiple reasons, but like my neck was like, man, he really, you know, but I mean, I, I trust Nick, like Nick has been, he's been there on the journey with me. He's he was, he coached me one of my first tournaments. And so for me, it was like putting trust in your upper belts and then like, you know, going to sleep and waking up a new man.

Danny: It was so cool. Adrian. Yeah. About him. Yeah. Did you see him? Yeah. Slobber and foot shaking like Elvis. I'm so funny, but, and I could see as your, as your lovely mom looks at that and goes, well, what's the point of that? I don't get the point of that. You know, like, um, my mom texts me and says, next time when you tell me not to watch these videos, cause I do not like seeing that stuff, you know, and, um, the, uh, so I'd like to just, man, So Stevie J. Yeah. Stevie J to me is one of the, one of the great guy is so great. Yeah. He really has like come a long way. He, he has, he has such a good aura about him.

Tyler: One of the best energies. He has really good energy, good energy.

Danny: And you know, he's a big dude, right? Right. So we were like, man, how do we make this comfortable for Stevie? Because like, we want him to look, we want him to feel comfortable, right? Feel good. And Aaron,

Tyler: did an incredible job.

Danny: Shout out to Aaron. Yeah. Did he picked him up and everybody was like, yeah. Right. I love Stevie J. Uh, yeah, I love both. That's the best part. Like when we talk about friendships, man, we could talk about name after name, after name, after name of people that in our Academy that were like, man, this person brings such a great energy. And, and, uh, those guys, Uh, man, Aaron, that dude is committed. He is committed.

Tyler: You know, no, no question. His has his dedication to the, to the jets. You see his back tattoo. I haven't seen it. No, he's a huge back tattoo.

Danny: Huge. Really? Like you would look at that guy and go, no standup LDS Mormon guy. Got a sick back.

Tyler: Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. That's Aaron. Yeah. I was thinking Stevie has kick-ass tattoos. I like Aaron does. Yeah. I've seen Marin's big ass back time too.

Danny: Never would guess that that dude has that big of a tattoo. Right. I think he's a little scared to get it finished though, because that's, that's a lot of work. They're all so much work. Yeah, dude. It's a lot. So yeah. So that, um, man, if you can, If you could become part of that, if you want to be a part of that, come hang out with us, come see us, come, come check it out. Just like, just go to our Instagram pages, go to park cities. Um, I was going through Facebook, uh, just going back in the day. And there's a picture of me as a white belt. Um, when Anthony got his brown belt and cookie got his purple belt and then both now black belts. Yeah. And I see myself, I see me, and I see a huge difference in who I was then and who I am now. Even then, as a white belt, I was still thinking that I was going to fight MMA a little bit more. And, uh, I haven't at all, nor do I want to, you know, and I see like all the progressions and I think how great, um, our academy is. And then just the energy that we're showing up was super, super grateful for everybody that came out, super grateful for all of you guys. And that leads us into just a small a small thought of comparison and how to deal with comparing certain things about, just as a man, when you start to see other people have successes or something that you don't have, you go, I want that. Why can't I get that? What am I doing wrong? And then you get into yourself and you're like, what? What am I doing wrong? What's going on with me? Am I the same person as them? No. Especially in jiu-jitsu, right? Jiu-jitsu, you see people get promotions and you're like, man, I started before that guy. I tapped that guy. How's he getting promoted and I'm not? What am I doing wrong? Have you ever had anything like that with like a job or a girl?

Tyler: Oh my gosh. Comparison, the thief of joy. Yeah. Um, I'll be honest. I, I compared my journey to the journey that I had in my head, right? The idea of what I wanted in Jiu Jitsu, my goal was to go and get my blue belt within a year. Oh, you was, I was like, I really wanted it. I didn't understand. Sure. I didn't understand. I have had to reframe that goal and I've come to peace with it. But yeah, my, when I first set out on the journey, I was like in a year I'm going to have my, my, you know, my blue belt in, in three years I'm going to have my, you know, my, my purple belt. I'm like, you know what I mean? You just kind of try to hype yourself up because you become dedicated, you become dedicated and you realize what you realize that the joy is really in the journey and not necessarily the belt. Sure. The joy is in learning the moves and having a community and dedicating yourself to this thing. But yeah, comparison was, I think, definitely something that I felt, whether it was self-assigned or my previous partner was comparing us to her siblings or other people. I mean, growing up in the LDS church, it's hard not to compare yourself to a lot of the wealth that you see within the religion. You know, you see families that are, and what you end up learning is, one, A, I spent a lot of time resenting other families, or resenting wealth, or resenting certain things because I felt like, well, I'm just as good, I'm just as faithful, I'm just as fill-in-the-blank. But it's the comparison. It was stealing the joy of the moment.

Danny: It always does.

Tyler: And so you have to go back and reframe. I use this phrase a lot lately, but you can't see the label. You can't see the front of the label from inside the pickle jar, right? Like you have to get out of your head. You have to get out of kind of your own pre-pattern thinking and you have to say, okay, well, how do I reframe this so I'm not comparing myself? Because the comparison is not fair. Sure. What people see, what people post on Instagram isn't always real. Agreed. Right? A lot of people will post just the high quality, the polished image.

Danny: Yeah. They want it to seem like, they want it just to look good. They don't want you to see the backside of the pickle jar. Right. They don't want you to see the front.

Tyler: They want you to see the good stuff. Yeah. Right? Right. And so, I've constantly battled my own comparison. And really where it's the worst is where I start comparing myself to where I think I should be. That's where I've really felt robbed. I should be this or I should be that or I've put in this and I've done that. Why haven't I accomplished this thing that I've set out to do? That's when you get really hard on yourself and you start building these patterns of seeing lack. Life is happening to you rather than for you or through you.

Danny: Comparison can rob you of so many things. It can rob you of like really, really enjoying the journey. Because as soon as you start to go like, well, how come I don't have this? How come this isn't happening? I see Tyler, having all these great things. I'm doing the same work. Why, why, why is my life not as good as what, what, what's going on? How to understand why I can't, why I can't have the same joys. Right. And now you're so inside, like you said, you're so inside your mind, you're so self loathing, and now you're kind of beating yourself up. And instead of being your best ally, you're your worst enemy. Yeah. Right. And you're like, Man, okay. Well, I'm gonna do this then I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna change this I'm gonna change that and before you know it you're Stuck in the same spot again.

Tyler: Yeah, I think the worst part of it is is you really are training your brain to to filter life through that that lens right like the the concept of rose-colored glasses sure, right like our brain is is it's actually built or with a pre-built-in filter, right? We have parts of our brain that function to filter information. We program that part of our brain. And when we use that kind of negative self-talk, or we use that comparison, we actually are programming that filter to actually look that way. So then we start seeing it. It's like when you buy a red car, and you see that same red car everywhere you go. Well, yeah, you've conditioned your brain now to kind of

Danny: Even I don't get it.

Tyler: Because if our brain took in all the information that was going on around us, our head would just explode right off our shoulders. Agreed. Yeah. And it's always like envy,

Danny: Envy is real. Yeah. Envy is real. And everybody has like a little bit of envy. Like you kind of wish, I wish this happened. I wish I got this. I wish I would've done this. Like, right. I had this great Christmas, but I wish I would've got that. Right. You know, I had, uh, I've got this great wife, but I wish I had this, right. You know, and I have this great job, right. But I wish I had this, you know, Well, my business plan is just like your business plan, but your business plan is blowing up. What am I doing wrong? I wish I was you. That's a hard place to be in as a man. Yeah. That is a very hard place to be in as a man. And people around you start to realize quickly when you are negative Nancy. Yes. And you are like every time somebody, um, man cheering, let's talk about the test cheering for each other. Yeah. Cheering like, Hey man, so happy for each other. But you're like the guy like, I can kick Tyler's ass. And people around you are like, dude, why aren't you happy for him? And you're like, I am happy for him, but you know you're not. You're like, well, the next time we train, I'm going to show you. You got a blue belt and I didn't? Guess what? You're going to get tuned up.

Tyler: I'm going to take that belt around. It's true. I think the beauty of the mats is it puts everything kind of in a pressure cooker. Because that karma, that energy, It's going to come back to you faster than it probably would in, you know, the, not the real world, but like in the rest of the world, you know, because you're going to bring that energy in with you one of the nights to open Matt and you're, you know, you're going to get caught. You're going to get tapped. You're going to get, you know, and it's not going to be fun.

Danny: You're going to have a bad time and not cheering for somebody to be unsuccessful. Like if you're successful, that means I'm successful, right? If my friends are, if my friends are doing well, if my friends are, if my friends are, are, are having a good time, if they're having a good life, then I'm, I'm, I'm happy for them. You know? Um, I've, I'm not always been that way. I've not always been, um, cheering, able to cheer people on. Right. Um, I would get so jealous of seeing somebody with their interaction with their dad. And I would like think, so mad about it. I guess. Oh my gosh, I'd get so frustrated. I would get like really mad because in my mind is like, well, I didn't, I don't have that. You don't have that. And I'm so jealous that you do. And I could not see how to even be happy for somebody when they had a good relationship with it. Right. I couldn't, I wouldn't, I'd be like, nah man, I'm not trying to.

Tyler: No, I mean, I post-divorce went through a similar anger. Growing up, like I said, in the LDS church, you see other families who just seem to, it just seems to be so easy for them. They just seem to be able to pray it all to them, and like, I was on my knees, and just as much, I felt. And there, at some point, becomes a paradigm shift, and the shift is you. Sure. The shift is you. Um, I can't say exactly what it was for me. I can't say other than the fact that I knew that I wasn't happy living the way I was living. Um, and I think there was, um, Dr. Joe Dispenza, like he talks about how you can heal your life, right? Uh, and a lot of what he talks about is how our brains actually function and how we can change those thought patterns through, you know, having a more grateful or gratitude mindset, how we can make these shifts happen, but they have to happen internally. And it starts with our thoughts first, because our thoughts are precursors to action. And, and when we start to have those negative thoughts, we have to then direct our brains to actions that we value. Agreed. Let's repoint ourselves to what is it that I, where do I actually get value? Agreed. I'm just like you were telling me in the sauna today. Yeah. Um, you know, we were, we were just this kind of discussing life and you just said, you need to get back to the basics. Get back to the basics. Yeah. Start back with your breath work. Start back with your routine. Start back with, with what you were doing before. Yeah, just reground yourself. Reground yourself.

Danny: Cheering on, when you learn how to cheer on somebody and you learn how to like literally cheer them on and be like so happy for them for whatever's happening to them, you, you gain so much insight of yourself and you feel eventually you do start to feel like your successes are my successes, right? Yeah. When When you're doing that for your spouse and you're doing that for your children, they feel, you can see that they feel good about themselves. But when you do it for other men, when you cheer other men on and you cheer and you try to be their biggest supporter and you're like, man, I'm going to make sure you're successful. I'm going to push really hard for you to be successful. it is not a normal. It is not normal. Like you said, it's not, it's not like it's, it's not like I'm just coming out of the womb. Like, yeah, let's go.

Tyler: Let's cheer everybody up.

Danny: Right. Um, competition is real. Yes. Healthy competition is real. Healthy competition builds good characteristics. Um, and then healthy, healthy losing. Losing is not easy. Not getting a job, not getting a girl, not being successful in your head is a loss in your mind. It's not easy. It's not an easy pill to swallow. But guess what? It happens. It happens to everybody.

Tyler: And I love what Jocko says in one of his field manuals. He has a sound clip or a YouTube clip and it's called Good. And he tells the story, yeah, he tells the story about like when people, you know, bring him problems, his answer is always good, good, good, good. And, and, and the way he, he ends it is he, he basically says, as long as you have air in your lungs, blood in your veins, you are still in the fight. So dust yourself off, reload and re-engage. And it starts with the simple gratitude. Good. Good. Good. I'll find somebody better for me. Yeah. Good. I'll find another job. Yeah. Good. The universe is pointing me in a different direction. Yep. So starts with the gratitude, man.

Danny: Yep. Being thankful, being thankful, being thankful for your surroundings and the thing, the people around you and, and, and. Remember like skills as a man, skills as a man, they have to be polished. You have to, you have to have failures. Yes. You have to have successes and you have to have nothing, but you have to have things that just nothing happened. Nothing happened. Right. I did my best. I tried my hardest. I really, really, really wanted that and nothing happened. Nothing became of it. And there's no answer. There's no, there's no rhyme or reason. It just didn't happen. There's a reason why. There's a reason why, right? There's always a reason why, but sometimes you just can't see it.

Tyler: No. Yeah, you're absolutely right.

Danny: And if you compare to, if we, if we compare Danny now to Danny 10 years ago, I'm a different man. Right. Right. Um, I always tell people like, I, I, I never, I never want that butterfly effect. I don't do the butterfly effect. I don't think about, Like, I wish I could have changed. I wish I could have made it so that my dad stuck around. I don't know if I'd still be here the way that I am. I never, like, anything that happened in my life where I'm like, man, I wish that didn't happen. Like, I don't do that to myself. What I do is I say to myself, well, it made me who I am today and I get to decide who I am tomorrow. Yeah. Right. And I get to decide if I'm cheering you on, I get to decide if I'm, if I'm actually, if I actually am your friend and happy for you to get that blue belt. Right. You know, if I'm like stoked, right. If I'm stoked for you, for people to get their purples and their blacks and their browns, who knows when I'm going to get mine, but I hope people are, are excited for me to get, to get promoted. Right. Yeah. If, um, if, if, If there's ever a moment where I'm like, I feel those, if I feel those tinges of jealousy and I feel those tinges of like, um, it's never turned out good for me. It never does. It never does. My mind has never been good. Right. It's always been more pissed at myself. Damn it. Watch it. He didn't do anything wrong to you.

Tyler: Right. Well, and I mean that's the thing, like you are the thing that you can control. Yeah, you are. Right? And the moment you start reframing those thoughts, you start reframing your own mindset, like that's when you'll start seeing the red car. Yeah. You know what I mean? And so, I think that's why you see things like the secret, the manifestation, like, yes, it can seem hokey, but there's some truth to it, right? You start to train your brain to see those patterns rather than the poor me, self-loathing, you know, why didn't I get this? You retrain it. It's not easy. It's a process.

Danny: And things are going to happen the way that they're supposed to happen. Yeah, I believe that. I believe that no matter what, things are going to happen the way that they're supposed to happen. Sometimes we can control them, sometimes we can't control them. And if it didn't work out the way that you think or you thought or you wanted it to work out, like you say, just reframe it so that tomorrow you just wake up and be a better version of who you were Better, better version than what you were yesterday. Don't try to butterfly affect it. Don't cause things could go. Yeah. Have you ever seen that movie butterfly? It's been a long time. Remember the one where like, I mean, it's Ashton Kutcher and one of the times he ends up in prison. One time he ends up no legs and I don't never want that. Yeah. Yeah. You could, you could compare yourself into a corner. Yes. Right. And, and make it so that you just aren't happy about shit. Yes. Right. Or you could be like, well, I'm going to be happy sometimes fake happy, but I'm going to, I'm going to try to find the shining light in everything. Right. That's all you can do. And so wrapping it up, um, we appreciate, I'm going to be a big shout out to Park City Jiu Jitsu. Big shout out to all of our friends and family through that Academy. Yes. Thank you. I'm super grateful for Mike and Mona for keeping the doors open for us. Cookie said it best. If it wasn't for their sacrifices, none of us would be where we were at in the journey. They sacrificed so much to keep the doors open for us to train two academies. Big shout out to them. I'm super grateful for Um, practice partners, training partners. And if, uh, what you got coming up, what'd you, what you going to do?

Tyler: Oh man, I'm going to keep training. We got Thanksgiving holiday coming up. So, um, those of you who follow me on Insta know I've started a 28 day gratitude challenge. You can join that gratitude challenge. We're using habit share to kind of keep each other accountable. Uh, and the goal is to just try to have more than just one day of gratitude, right. To start training our brains to see, um the gold in our own life right so and then and then you know the ripple effect of that on social media um you know with all that's going on in the world i just kind of felt like hey i'm gonna make a post every day about what i'm grateful for I'm going to share it with the world and I'm going to invite others to join me. You can join that. Again, we've got an accountability group on HabitShare where we're checking in with each other. Just sign up in my Instagram profile, on my website and join us. Share some gratitude. Other than that, I'm going to train. I'm going to try to keep warm. The weather sucks out here in Utah. I know not quite enough snow to have fun in, but just cold enough to be miserable. Yeah. So yeah.

Danny: I hate the snow. Yeah. I'm done. But whatever. Yeah. It makes it, it makes it cool during the spring and the summer and the fall.

Tyler: It does. Right. It really does. What about you? What do you got going on?

Danny: Um, let's see. So wrestling season started, um, trying to help those guys get going. I've been talking to a bunch of people just trying to catch up where they're at in their programs. Um, I don't keep, I don't keep too much involved in the, in everybody's scene, but, um, college wrestling is always such a fun time of year for us. We enjoy it. Um, train hard, um, leaving the Mexico in a couple of weeks. I got that going on. So that's kind of cool. We're just working my butts off to help. pay for that, and then that's it. Man, train hard. I'm really trying to clean up some things in my game I think that are fun. The professor and I have been talking a lot about some things that I needed to clean up and been practicing those. And that's it. Everybody knows me, man. I don't do very much in the winter. I put myself in the house and the mats, and that's it.

Tyler: Hibernate is really the best time to train. It is as long as the roads are clear and you can get up there man. Yeah, it's good. It's you can escape this now Yeah, so yeah, cool. Yeah, cool. Well, thank you. Thank you. Great grateful. Yeah, let's do it again soon Let's do it again.

Danny: Cheers.

Tyler: Cheers everybody