Lost Boy Scouts Podcast

Welcome to the last Boy Scouts podcast. How are you doing, Danny? I

am amazing. I bet you are. I bet you are. We just got back from training

What a night. Um, yeah. What a night. Yeah.

So, uh, uh, Tristan, my youngest son and I got promoted. Yeah.

Dude, it was insane. So backstory, I

knew Trip was getting promoted. Yeah. So I had called some

people because I was like, man, there's some people that really It would be bummed if

you weren't there. Yeah. It's Wednesday nights, not regularly. Like

everybody shows up. But, um, I knew, and I was like, okay,

there's some people that I'm like, Hey man, you need to be there. Right. And,

um, dude, I am like, it's still

kind of surreal in my mind the whole night. I'm kind of replaying it

because Mike, uh, man, professors

sold it so well. He sold it so well. And

I was like, what the heck? So we were training. And

then he's like, Hey, let's get going. Cause I got some things I need to do. And then

he called my name. And at first I was like, what in the world? And

then he had the brown belt out. And dude, I mean, my,

of course my, my eyes weld because I've dreamed like,

dreamed of like the moment for Trip and I to promote the same time

because our belts, our belt promotions are pretty close to each other. Yeah. Um,

but yeah, it was insane. And to, to be a Brown belt, I mean

like, man, it's, it's, it's so cool. Yeah. It's

so cool because like my purple belt by far has been the

funnest. Yeah. Everybody tells you that. Yeah. It's so fun. Yeah.

White belt. You don't know what to expect. Blue belt really hard because it just gets

long. Purple belt. no expectations, you

know enough and you kind of like start to really enjoy the journey of Jiu

Jitsu and what it does for you. And I

see brown belts and man, I've told you this before, I've never thought in

a while, you know, when I first started, I never thought that I would be a

brown, a black belt. And now like it's,

it's like, man, the journey is like getting so

I thought it was an awesome experience to watch you two. I personally,

when I got the little tingle that Tripp was going to

get belted, I was like, there's no way. There's no way

Danny doesn't get his ground belt. And I can't, I mean, honestly, witnessing

you and Preston both get it, it's been like an incredible experience

to watch you go through it and definitely inspiring. And I thought what Professor said,

um was really was really true he said something

to the point of like jujitsu in park city is going to be better because

of because of you because of your influence and it shows in

in the folks that showed up in the gym those people that were there thank you were

there to support you and i'm so proud of you and happy to

call you my friend thank you and mentor in this because we we need

mentors in this yeah especially like especially like

is really important to have a solid move

around you. And I tell people all the time, I always

tell people, hey man, thank you for your friendship. I'm grateful for your friendship. And

some people, it catches them off guard. Because they're like,

wow, that's a really, really, really powerful

thing to be grateful for. Because you can say thank you

to somebody, and it can have a lot of meanings. But if you thank somebody for what

they do to your life, Today when Professor and I were talking, I told him,

I said, I know he's humble. I know him and Mona are

very humble. And they're always like, no, it's the academy. No, it's Jiu Jitsu. And

I'm like, it is. It is 100% Jiu Jitsu for sure. But the fact

that it's your academy and what you do for me, I'm

thankful for. Because it's changed my life. It really has. that

were there tonight, they were able to see me get my belt with Tristan. They

knew how powerful it was for Tripp and I to

get our belts together. What

they do for us in our journey, what you do for me in my journey is Is

is is I can't I can't like I can never repay it.

I can only be just grateful for it and like hopefully do my

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. But

I think it also shows in you giving back, right? When

you give to those other people, when you make it exciting and you make it fun

for those other people, you can't do jujitsu by yourself. Sure. I

mean, I think that's why there's a lot of shade thrown at

the Renner Gracie garage type stuff. Like, I'm sure it's

a great way to get people introduced to the sport. How

Yeah, you put a gi onto a duffel bag

and practice your arms, right?

I'm sure it works. I'm sure there's a part

of that that gets you excited about it. But you need friends. You need a group of people. And

I think that it plays really well into our

topic tonight. I really wanted to talk about the emotional cycle of change. Right.

Right. It's a five stage kind

of cycle. When you're new to jiu-jitsu, you just have all

this optimism, of course, it's pretty quickly crushed out of you, right?

Yeah, you will a lot of times like, you know, you see jiu-jitsu and you you

see people doing it and you think it's so easy,

right? You look you look at you're like, well, I can do that. I'm athletic. I'm I've got like

I did this. Yeah. So the first stage one is is this kind

of uninformed optimism, right? We We

don't really know what we're about to face, but we're excited about an idea. And it

could be jujitsu, it could be starting a new business, it could be your own personal journey

in life, wherever you're at. You wake up and I'm excited to hit the

gym. And so you just have all of this optimism towards

And so when you have that first, it could

just start with like, you know, like an idea

or a moment that you're like, hey, I need some change. And

how can I get that change? Yeah. And you have that you can

be It can be so scary to

change what you're doing, right? Yes. And if you don't approach

it the correct way, it just kind of feels like you're always starting something. Yes.

Right? You're just starting it. And then you're like, Oh, I'm going to change this. And I'm going to,

I could change your clothes. Like, yes. I'm going to change today. And people

are like, Oh, you're, you're now you're a Jiu Jitsu guy. Yeah. You're a

karate guy. Now you're an MMA guy. And people never really take

Yes. You focus on the positives, right? And I

think that there's some of that. We talk about the white belt mindset, right?

You focus on the

possibilities and you kind of have some ignorance as up to the reality of

the journey. The journey is going to be grueling, specifically in jiu-jitsu. It's

going to teach you some things about yourself. You're going to learn

some things about other human beings. I'll

never forget my first few weeks in the gym when, you

know, Nick was telling me, Tyler, you're being too nice. You're being

too nice. And I still am. I still do

find myself not putting my weight into people, not pressuring

people. You

know that doesn't it's just a matter of getting comfortable Using

Well, it's funny because like we talked about this outside, you know

He's like a lot of times you can mask some of your who you

are. You can ask those things, right? But really in jiu-jitsu, you

can't mask who you are. If you're a jerk you're

going to be a jerk Yeah, you're like a really good person and you hate

to like have conflict like if you hate to like yes

cause uh grief if you hate like if you're like

man i don't really like to have conflicts i'd rather not do it yeah i think jiu-jitsu

wasn't going to change that about you no you're going to probably play bottom a lot

and be like okay come at me and like accept the bottom position a

lot right yeah um but but when you when

you look at it as just like a simple form of change like or simple

form of like How do I bring myself to

that first initial stage, that first initial stage? What can I

do to get to the first initial stage? Of course, you just walk

in. How many times, you've talked about this before, it took you a couple times to come

into the academy and to actually step on the mat, right? Finding,

I think we talked about this before, finding the right academy, right?

Finding the right people. Luckily for us, we only have two options

in Park City, right? And so, you either go

to Gracie Bar, come on, you're probably not going to train very hard

or you go to our academy and all of a sudden you go in the room with

a killer. Yeah. Right. Yeah. A bunch of killers in there that you're like, man,

am I going to fit in here? Yeah. And are they going to like

me? Yes. You know, and you have those, those ideas. And even

if you change in relationships, like changing

relationships, changing jobs, changing, like you said, you

and I are working on our entrepreneurship. Yeah.

It's terrifying to me. Yes. Because I think every day I'm failing.

You kind of have to burn the ships, right? Like you have to, you

have to be dedicated. You have to, you have really in this

uninformed optimism, you kind of have to find the motivation that's going

to give you little bit of Momentum

because really if you look at the the this this emotional cycle of change

it is kind of like a It's like a vert ramp or

like a ramp right because you go from uninformed optimism

to this really informed pessimism and and that Trajectory and

jujitsu is pretty quick because you know you're having fun as a white

belt for a few months Maybe you get a few stripes you keep going right,

but you you eventually it takes a toll and getting

tapped, getting beat up, you know, learning to defend yourself and

just being okay with not getting tapped or

not getting submitted or only getting submitted once. Maybe it's

not getting caught in the same submission. I mean, I got caught by

Well, he's really good in that position. Yeah. And he's really good

at convincing you that you're almost out.

And then you're like, wait a minute. I'm not almost out. I'm almost dying. Yeah.

Right. And he's good at that kind of thing. In

that first initial stage of that

change, you have a

lot of growth. Yes. Right? A lot of growth. Yeah. You

feel like, I'm growing, I'm changing, I feel different about myself. I

I wake up feeling different about myself. And then as you start to go down

and you've had those highs, if

you're not careful what happens, you may have a really low,

This is true. So, in this informed pessimism, stage two,

you're kind of on this crest. Maybe you plateau, you kind of crest, you're seeing

the challenges. It takes an emotional toll. this

is where having a support system comes in. This

is where having Danny the brown belt, Trip

the purple belt, Preston and these guys, building this

community specifically around jiu-jitsu, this is where it comes in because having

that support system, you know, yes, these guys are

beating me up. Yes, I'm fighting to the lot of the same position, but

at the same time, I'm still having fun. I'm still learning something

and I'm still, you know, I walked into the academy today

just kind of in a Blah mood. Yeah,

and I walked I walked out just like on cloud nine starry-eyed

and just like kind of really grateful one to see my My

friends and my training partners promoted but then also just

having the experience of like these people have my back You

They see you for you. They see you they see through what you see as faults and right?

They don't even think about those faults that you come in with. You're

like, I haven't been training that much. They're

going to judge me because I haven't been training that much. They're going to ask me where I've been.

They're going to be like, well, how come you haven't been in the academy, blah, blah, blah, right? And you start

to have these conversations in your head. And we've talked about this. You start to

have conversations in your head that kind of bring you

kind of down a little bit, right? And then you're like, man, I'm going to jujitsu. I

should be, I should be happy. Yeah. So you walk on the mat and you're kind of like, well,

I'm kind of grumpy today. Yeah. Yeah. And then, and then jujitsu takes

If you leave everything else outside at the door and jujitsu

takes over, it takes over. And, and, and this is where it's really

important because you get into stage three and stage three can

be really the most, um, It

could be where people will tend to quit and start to cycle over, right?

They'll jump to something else and then they'll have this informed optimism about

the next thing, right? This is the valley of despair. It's like generally

the lowest emotional point, right? It

really just feels easier to quit sometimes than it does continuing.

And this is where you've really got to have your why. What

is your why? Why am I doing this? Why am I torturing

myself? It doesn't matter if it's business or dating or And

whatever it is, this cycle is a pattern. It's a pattern

that we all follow. And it's

common feelings. We get exhausted. How many times have you walked off

the mat and you're like, I just got beat

Nothing went right. I have had days when

I've walked out and I was like, I'm the worst.

I'm the worst person at Jiu Jitsu. I'm the worst. I

don't understand the position. I didn't understand

what the class was being shown. I didn't understand what they were doing.

I have zero interest in failing

like that again. Yeah. And I should quit jujitsu.

You know what I think is what you talked about. I think people call you. I think people

reach out to you. Preston and I, we don't know, you

know, people have said, well, it's because you called me or

because you texted me. Yeah. Preston and I, we

don't know, like we talked about calling and texting

people, but COVID kind of put us into a position where

we had to reach out to people, right? And we've never

stopped. So him and I will like reach out to people all the time and

we'll be like, Hey, where are you? Yeah. How come you're not in the Academy? Hey, we miss

you. Hey, we need you in the Academy. Right. And those

people that need that kind of like guidance and

support are always like, man, thank you so much for reaching out

to me. Right. And if you have like

in business, I think I'm in that position right now with

business. I think I'm in like this valley of like, man, I'm not doing anything

correct. I get a lot of hits on my website. I

get A lot of people asking me questions, but

I don't know the next step. I don't know what to do. So I

almost was like, I'm going to change this week.

I was like, I'm going to change what I'm doing. I

love breathing. I love talking about breathing. I love the breath work, but

maybe I'm going to go to stretching. Maybe I'll just talk to people about stretching. And I was

like, no, Danny. No, don't do that. Yeah. Just, just

remember this is going to be really hard. And I

was really bummed out that, I mean, I have zero clients.

Yeah. Right. I mean, I have people that I talked about breathing. I show them breathing. Yeah. I

talk about breathing and I'm like, Hey man, I'll show you this whenever you want. You're like, okay, cool. And

then that's it. Yeah. And then I'm like, I'm not a good salesman. Yeah.

You know, when am I not telling you that I'm looking to show

You know, when I don't know the next steps. And so I'm like, Well,

just keep fighting. Don't change. And I

told myself that this week. I was like, don't change. Don't change anything.

Just dig in there. Log into your website and see that only

five people went through it today. I get no questions

about it, but I get constant you know, somebody will show up.

I mean, every day I like to get five new people that looked at my website and I'm like, well, that's some

Oh, I definitely feel that about my coaching, right? It's feast or famine. I'll

get four or five clients that'll, that'll sign up for a period of time. And

then, you know, next thing they know they, they kind of fall off. They forget their

why, why are they going through this? And I think that's really important

when you're personally Going through this in

your personal journey, and I think as coaches as mentors we have

to we have to help people find that why they need

you know you need to help them solidify that why and And

understand like why are they going through this journey, and if they can if

they can come back to that why? Hopefully it'll have it'll

help create a turning point right so This

is, you know, this valley of despair is a critical, it's

kind of where you're at critical mass. You have to make a decision. Do I keep

going or do I quit and find something else and start the

cycle all over again, right? And a lot of people get

stuck in that loop. You know, I remember at

a point when I was kind of at my My lowest

like I was just picking up new hobbies left and right, you

know new hobby new hobby new hobby just cycling through hobbies And

I and I didn't I didn't the hobby wasn't the problem. Sure My

my my motivation I used to coach my lacrosse players. Like what is your

why right? Why are you here? Are you here because

your parents are making you right? I tell this to people that

come out of a high-demand religion, right? What is your

why for staying in? And a lot of times it's

their family support system. A lot of times it's the guilt and shame

they feel around leaving,

right? Or they don't understand. And once they kind of can

see and can kind of deconstruct their why, in the

case of a high-demand religion, right, they can start making

progress into stage four. And stage four is this informed optimism.

Usually man, I can tell you that sometimes it's like you

you find a let's say like in jiu-jitsu you like you've

been working on something and you You kind of hit

it. Yes, kind of like you're like, oh there was you

see it you like see it maybe it's maybe it's a fleeting boom you

see it and then it's gone but you're like oh i just seen that i just seen what they were talking about

and you feel that and you're like oh man now

i just gotta get to that position again i gotta find that position again are you

you somebody that's beating you up a lot you last

the whole three minutes with them nothing with them nothing they try to

beat you up and you're like i didn't even panic nothing

even happened. They didn't beat me up, I didn't get

tapped, and I'm good. And in

my own personal thing with my entrepreneurship, I

wonder how long is this valley of despair going to last? Maybe I'm

in a learning period that I just don't know because I'm

so brand new to it. If I did quit, What

if I was right on the cusp of this huge breakthrough?

I think that's with our podcast. We're

reaching people, reaching people, reaching people. We're right on the cusp. If

we quit this, what if we were right there? What if the next

person to listen was that person that was going to be like, I

Yeah, right? No, and I think that's it. Like you have to

and then that goes back to dedicating to your why. Like when I

think about the why of the podcast, my podcast or

our podcast is, you know, if we can reach one man, one man, that

finds some benefit, finds some value, and finds

some motivation to move forward or to break a

cycle. I feel like I've won. And I'm sure they're out

there. We get interactions on the Instagram and the

website, but we don't always

hear back. But it is always fun when you get those couple of people that are

That was a rough one. Yeah. That was a rough one. That was

a rough, a rough one. And I was glad that you guys talked about what you did, but

they were like, I had no idea that Tyler

had gone through that. Yeah. You know, and, and you're right. It's

like, if we, if we reach one

person that changes their life and changes their direction, gets

them out of that despair, because Like I

said, me personally, I know, um, my life is so

blessed, you know, and I tell people that all the time, like my life is really blessed.

I'm a really blessed person right now. Um, and

my own mental demons are my mental demons that

I, that I talked to you about, that I talked to Misty about that I talked to Mike

about. Um, and I, and I try to find out like,

okay, is it just, am I just being like really hard on

myself? Yes. Or is it that this

week I was like, Maybe entrepreneurship is

just not in my cards. Maybe it's just not in my cards and do I

need to accept that? And then I was like, wait a minute. No,

I don't need to accept. I know I don't need you and then five seconds later.

I was like, yeah, but I suck I really suck at this.

I think the entrepreneurship just like you know fighting

through jiu-jitsu is you have to find your little wins, right?

You know, I think that's why the stripes are important and people are people, you

know, and when I hear people bagging on stripes I'm like I

get it, right? You don't want to seek those things. You

don't want to be a grade grubber and be like, when am I going to get a stripe? But it's

also that little carrot that helps

you find progress. Now, I've kind of personally... you

know since in my own progression moving to blue belt i'm you know i think

the stripes are slower to come um but

also just kind of like focusing if i can you know like recently

i've been focusing on focusing on sweeps if i can sweep and stop playing

from my back then i'm i'm winning right if i cannot get

tapped i'm winning and if i'm defending you know if i only get tapped twice

in a in a round to buy another blue belt then great like

i've won And I'm going to make them fight for it, right? I'm going to

make sure that their technique is correct. I'm not going to just tap because I'm

uncomfortable, you know, and there's certain things where, you know, you,

you catch an arm bar. I'm like, I'm not going to mess with it. You know, Anthony caught me

and tweaked my shoulder and it was, you

know, I tend to tap pretty fast on those things. Yeah. You

know, they're just, it's just, it's, it's, you may, you

can see it, right? Like you can see the technique is there. You don't have to, um,

you know, you don't have to challenge them. Sure. But specifically

with the lower belts or other blue belts, I'm pushing myself,

one, because I want to make sure that I'm staying calm in those situations, and

two, that I'm actually making progress on my goals.

I remember one class, all I did is focus on, I want to get a triangle. I

want to get a triangle. On every round, I'm going to find a

Um, I think that's that's a cool way to look at it, especially like

how we're going to I forgot what the name of step four was.

What's that again? Uh informed optimism informed optimism, which

I think at that moment you need Um, you need

you do need tiny victories, right? Yeah, and you need

like to kind of like narrow down your thoughts

and narrow down your goals, narrow those

down, narrow those so that they are achievable, right? Because

in the valley of despair, you need people to be there

for you and to pull you up and you're needing

some help and some support, and so you're looking for that support, right?

And that's that step of

like coming out of that coming out of that that lull

and coming and starting to move way back up yeah because it could only just be

a moment and then now you're back and you're kind of like we talked about

before of being in those ebbs and flows of emotions right

yeah yeah and emotions are tough especially like for me um

Braxton came home and he was home for like a day. Yeah.

You know, just a day. And it wasn't quite enough to see him. Like I

wasn't, I didn't get like what I wanted to see him,

but it was really good to see him. Yeah. And we had a good conversation about

his next step because even him, he was like, he's like, I don't

know, man. I don't, I don't know what's going to happen. I'm

going to go home in the army and I'm kind of almost done. And

then what's next? Yeah. And especially, I think men,

like we talked about, I just don't think that men are

given tools of how to deal with

these things, or how to ask questions, or how to even accept support. The

fact that in jiu-jitsu, you need white belts. In

jiu-jitsu, you need blue belts. You need purple belts. You

need brown belts. You need black belts. You need every belt in

there. If it was just a gym of black belts, nothing would happen because they

don't know what they're doing. They're just going to fight each other off. They need to be

able to practice their skills. If it was just a gym of white belts, nobody

would learn anything. It would just be a fight. Everybody would go in there and fight

and nothing would come out of it. You need those different

levels that can help you along in your growth, right?

And that will kind of get you moving in the right direction,

coming up out of that valley of despair. And especially with

men, I think that we're just not given tools

Yeah, I agree. So that kind of the importance of learning to

adapt. right learning to adapt and sometimes

and this is where having a group good group of guys they

can help you they can help you brainstorm in jiu-jitsu we use the term reframing right

you've got to reframe to a better position or you've got to set up a frame to

get you to a better position or to protect yourself right right and

i think that's equally as important as learning to adapt is is changing

your position so you're framed better And in

jiu-jitsu like framing is actually structurally. How are your bones? You

know set up. How are you like physically? Are you

are you in a strong position whether you're You

know playing from playing from your back and you've got a frame on you know You're getting your

shoulders in so you can you know, so you can breathe or

which which like pressure of life

as a man, as a husband, as a father. As

a divorcee. Yeah. As a person who's looking out to

go to dating. Yeah. You know, like me, I'm, I'm

constantly trying to make sure that I grow with Misty. Those

pressures, man, pressure is real. And if you start

to feel the pressure and you cannot use your, your, your chest

to be able to breathe, you're going to get crushed. Oh, absolutely. You're

I definitely feel in my dating world that I'm in this valley of despair. Like

there's all these apps out there. There's all these options and

like, It's it to me

it makes no sense I'm a complete white belt right and and

a part of me like I haven't flow I'm like do I want to be doing this? Is this

something I'm I need to be doing should I continue to focus on myself? I

for one am NOT a person who wants to to chase somebody

I I just don't want to chase. I really want to

attract I feel like I spent a majority of my married life

chasing somebody who was Maybe not emotionally available

to me And that was really hard, right?

So now as I look about correcting those mistakes, as I look at taking

those lessons and moving them forward, you know, how do I

get myself out of this valley of despair? So yeah, that

fifth stage is really success and fulfillment, right?

So achieving those goals, you know, reflecting on

the journey, like getting that next stripe, going on that

Can I ask you, like, can we dive a little bit into that

thing? I have no basis about

this, Tyler. You have to be patient

with me because I don't know. Sure. Did

you feel like... Man, I don't even know how to ask this question to

you, Tyler. So you've been divorced for how long? Just

over two years. Just over two years. Did you feel comfortable right away going

I could tell when I got out when

I when we were separated and I attempted to go out on a few

dates just to like, you know put

myself in that mindset, I could tell that I

was chasing. I was chasing. There were some emotional wounds

Did you feel like you were in that really, like if you were to put it into this perspective, were

you in that valley of despair for a long time? Absolutely. Did you

feel like you could ask for help? Or who would you

At this point, yeah, I still don't know who to talk to about my

dating life, right? It's not something that I've really talked

about, right? I've had some successful relationships.

I've gone out on plenty of dates. I

think, currently speaking,

I think the dating world is a little bit broken. I

don't think the apps have, well, they've introduced a

unique way for people to meet. I think they've also introduced

us to swipe culture in dating. And so, it's

hard to gauge, right? And so, for me,

it's been an emotional journey. One, after, you know,

a couple of relationships really quickly after my marriage

ended, I realized that I wanted to go back and, like, do

some work on myself. What, what, why did

I feel like I needed to jump into dating so quickly? And

even still two years is not when you've spent, you

know, from, you know, 21 to 40 with the

So you and Kami were married for almost 20 years?

Oh, wow. Yeah. And we were both married very young. So,

it was like all we knew. And what's interesting is like I've heard this quote that

your nervous system will select a familiar hell

rather than the comfort of success or

peace, I think. And it's true, like when I look at… our

relationship and i deconstruct our relationship like there were there

were definitely some childhood wounds where we were we we

that we attracted we we attracted each other right so um

not to say that we couldn't work through those if the parties were willing um But

ultimately, at the end of the day, it takes two people. Honestly,

my goal with the podcast is not to bring her story

into this and blow that up, but just really talk about

my own experience. From my own experience, I

could tell emotionally I was chasing something and

I would probably venture to say that our that

our listener group that fall

into your category would probably

have the same feelings as you, but maybe just don't know how

to voice or vocalize that feeling of just

despair. Like, man, this is bullshit. I don't want to do this. I'm

not prepared for this. I'm not set up for this. I don't want to be a part

Well, I mean, I think it leads back to, I think we had a conversation a long time ago

with Braxton and his friend about kind of the

world of dating and how we've get these kind of men who just kind of

completely give up, right? They give up completely. Now,

I'm not, I don't think that I'm there. I just think that the methods that

I'm choosing to use are are

going to be different than probably what is in the mainstream. And I think personally

for me, it's going to be one of those things where I

just take it slowly. I don't know what's going to happen. I do have full

faith in the world that something will change and will work out. In

the meantime, I continue to do work on myself and become – there's

something interesting like Jordan Peterson says, he says like,

how I'm trying to remember

off the top of my head, he says something, how narcissistic it is to think

that you're the perfect partner. He's like, why not focus on becoming

the perfect partner, rather than saying, where is that

perfect partner? And so, to me, I've taken that to

heart. I'm not perfect. I wasn't perfect in my marriage. I

made a lot of mistakes. There was

a lot of therapy. There was a lot of jujitsu. There was a lot of learning that

I wasn't willing to take that contributed

Yeah. Man, thank you for sharing that with me. I

mean, like I said, in my opinion, I think that That

would be really rough. That would be really rough in that little position and how

to get yourself out of that position without any kind of support

group. I'm sure you have a support group that kind of helps you in those instances where you

get stuck in wondering what's

next in that aspect of your life. You know, you, you,

you do have a new job. You do have your, you do have your children, you

know, that you see regularly and that you, and you do have this, this

life that you're building, you know, you, you're, you're still so

brand new as a blue belt. So brand new as a blue belt in like, um,

the Academy, it's funny because we're like, we talk about the blue belts,

you know, like your blue belt class, um,

Ray, you, Allison?

Mm-hmm. Stevie? Stevie. I haven't

I can't believe that. He quit. I'm sorry, Parker. I hope you can hear this and

Bummed, man. But we saw some pretty

consistent group from the blue belt that tested and

You guys like are progressing pretty well, like

pretty good. I know you don't go as much as you would like to, but you still,

I think you think about jujitsu a lot because when I'm training with you, I'm like, Oh man, he,

he's still doing pretty good. Yeah. Even though you don't on the mat as much as like, I

would like for you to be, I'd like for you to be there like every day with me. But yeah. But

that's selfishly, that's my own selfishness. Because when

Yeah, and I think, honestly, I did take nearly an 18-month

sabbatical, right? I didn't have work, and so I quit. Like, for me,

work was going to jujitsu and working on myself. And so, it

is, for me, finding that balance. It will be something, you

know, I've seen myself as a black belt. Like, I've just written that down. I

don't know when. I don't have a timetable. You know, I think

at first when I had this uninformed optimism, I was like, I'm

going to crush this. I'm going to become, I'm going to hit it and

I'm going to be the blue belt that makes the blue belt in six months. And I'm going to be the, you

know what I mean? Like I had that uninformed optimism, but then as

I got into it and I, you know, kept getting beat and I

kept getting like, you know, there was points where I was going five

times a week. I know. And I mean, I love that my, my body,

would disagree with me on certain days, but I

did, I loved it. And I would like to get on the mats more, and I

am looking to figure out how do I adjust my schedule so

I think a lot of it is,

as you make that step from that valley of despair, as you start to move up,

is to just be consistent. To consistently

show up. You talk about that a lot. You talk about

like showing up. Yeah showing up showing up. We talk about that

in jiu-jitsu Yeah, cookie said in his black belt speech Just

keep going. Yes, just keep going to class. He's like, I know People

have told you that I know people have told you that I know i've said that myself, but

if you just keep going You'll get you'll be

there one day. Yeah, and then even as a black belt just keep going in

that, and so what it means is like, keep

showing up for yourself. Yeah. Right? Because that last step, that

last step is only going to recycle the fact that you're in the

next, you've started the cycle over again. Yeah. Right? And

so now the cycle starts over and now you're changing because

you've already, you've, you've been to the valley of despair. You've come up, you now

you've hit that last, that fifth, that fifth step. I can't remember

The success. And now you're in that plateau of like, okay,

now the change is happening because you can feel the change and you can see it. And

now what happens is you start to make that progression down again of

like the ebbs and the flows of what life brings you because you

personally have had a couple things just rock you. Yeah,

Yeah, I've definitely I've definitely caught a few few to

the chin, you know, and I think that's why jiu-jitsu illustrates

kind of this this cycle so well because it is so repeatable

right because it's every belt level and It's every belt

level. It's every promotion, right? Like it's every class even, right?

You go into class, you know, on certain days and you're high and

you're like, I'm going to do great. I'm going to, you know, tap everybody. And

then you just go get smashed. Like, What

the hell am I doing? And then you have to just say, wait, I

showed up. I was the man in the arena. I was the one

that showed up and I can be proud of that. And I think that's where, where

jujitsu is beautifully compassionate. Right.

If you can find the success of just, if you can just, you

know, based in the success of, of going, of showing up,

then yeah then how good you're

gonna you're gonna be able to show up for the next class same thing with like same thing

with like with with jobs with relationships man

yeah i'll tell you this with your children as

you as you we've talked about this like

i'll never know what my kids go through right this

day and age my childhood was so good My

life was so good when I was a kid, you know, and what

they go through and the things that they have to navigate in, I

couldn't imagine. But as a parent, if we just show up, if we just keep

teaching them simple things, simple skill sets, simple

things of like showing up, being tough, right?

Being okay with your emotions, being okay

with who you are as a person, because in this moment,

in this chapter of your life, it could be rough,

and it could be really good, but like, What

kids go through and what your children go through and what my kids, I'm,

man, I tell people all the time, I am so thankful for my boys. My

boys show up for me personally, for me personally, they

show up for me on a regular basis. They are so

good to me. My kids are so good to me, you know, and they're so forgiving

of my, my mistakes and my, and my little tiny

bullshit things that I do. And so, don't

forget that that next generation coming up that next group of

kids like we're showing them we're teaching them absolutely we're teaching them

the skill set of being um accountable but

also like to be forgiving to yourself yeah don't

Yeah. It's awesome. So I pulled out my journal. For those who

are watching on YouTube, you're kind of getting that. I wrote

down this emotional cycle of success. And I was like, after thinking about today, I

was like, this is great. But then, as you were saying that, I

started this journal when I was going through the divorce, and I wrote down my emotional healthy

family. And these are my goals for my

emotionally healthy family. Support my children's emotional development. Allow

my children to become who they actually are. Provide them

a safe space of belonging that they can return to

and rely on. Teach them what love and relationships look

like. To witness a functional and respectful marriage. To

be able to share how they feel. what they can

rely on each other, to learn how to meaningfully apologize when

needed, and to cherish their unique abilities, and

that they don't need to prostitute or betray themselves for love or my approval."

I wrote that down. That was like day two of this journal.

I think it plays right into that. We

are in charge of instructing the next generation,

and that was definitely a crux when deciding to make the podcast.

you know, how can we help? How can we help?

There's so many, there's

so many ways that we just don't, in ways

we don't respect life, right? Like when we have children

unconsciously, I don't know if that term kind of makes sense,

when we have children unconsciously, whether it's because we've come or

we're part of a high demand religion that, you

know, advocates getting married young, early, and

propagating the religion, or that we just get

caught up in a relationship and our partner gets

pregnant, and we're not prepared emotionally as men to deal with that.

Yeah, and if you're in your pseudo-self, if

you're in that pseudo-self version of your life, how

much are you going to really be able to influence and

You're not. You're going to project your wounds into that next generation. For

sure. You're going to just project it right into them, and they're going to learn to accept

Yeah. Gosh, man. It's crazy. Like we could go down this crazy

path of like change with cause cause like I tell my boys all the

time, like, man, don't be afraid of change. Don't be afraid of change. Like

change your life. Like if you have to, if things aren't going your way, things aren't

going the way you like them, change them, right. Change shit. Oh, absolutely. Consistency

that you put into like the consistency, the things that you put consistent

work into don't stop that. Yes. And I have to tell myself

that. Yes, like especially right now because I'm like, man, I

want, you know, I don't want to quit. I don't want to like, I don't want to

fail. I know like I'm going to have some failures with entrepreneurship and

you know, the business brand that we're building, but. Keep

going, man. Keep fighting the good fight. And remember

that even if it's the roughest day, the

roughest day, the roughest day, tomorrow is

Yeah. If you've still got air in

your lungs, that means you're still alive. Good.

Yeah. After it. And even like, like I said, you've had some men, some,

some big blows. And I'm always grateful that like, um,

I text you a lot. I text you a lot because like, you're my

like good friend. And so like, sometimes I'll have thoughts in my

head and I'm just like, I'm just going to reach out to Tyler. Cause I'm like, kind of like stuck

in my moment. And like, if you don't respond right away, I'm always

like, Oh man, I hope that was all right. Because man, he's gotten

a lot of shit lately. And then you're like, yeah, dude, I'm good. And

I'm like, okay, cool. Cause uh, I get

a little worried, you know, and, and I don't have like, um, um,

my friend group is, is so close knit.

I'm, I feel like I'm the same way. I think there's a lot of bullshit

in my life that I put up with that. I, I

expected. that I

accept it as normal, right? And I think we do that a lot. And

I think as we grow older and we learn who we are and we

learn what boundaries are, we're like, you know, your social

circle shrinks. And it becomes to be those

shrinking people. And that's definitely something that I would

like to be better at. Like personally, when I do go through shit, yeah, I do

shut down. I think that's one of the reasons I suck at dating right now, right?

Like if I have something that happens, like, I

didn't have like relationships weren't particularly safe for me.

You know, when you grew up in a divorced family and you're, you're forced to

choose mom, dad, and like, you know, your

friends or whatever, like it imprints on

you. And you learned that, that like, maybe I'm

the only person that I can really trust, but at such a young age,

like you don't really have, you don't really have the,

um, the track record of success for

taking care of yourself. So you really kind of become this insecure kind

of emotionally fragile person. Yeah, I agree. Or

if you grew up with a father who has like big explosive emotions,

you kind of learn that like you know, your emotions don't

really matter because there's this, um, you know, there's this

tidal wave of somebody else that can like overpower you.

Yeah. Right. And so like, well, my emotions don't matter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I

think that's a man. Gosh, we could go down this path. Gosh,

that's a good, maybe that's a good place to stop. Like with,

with just this topic, because Yeah,

what a great guy that could go like really good man. Like it

makes me think like a lot of About those those

scenarios that that you just have to fight through. Yeah, you

have to fight through and you have to learn like are you teaching? Skill

set to your children to help them

fight fight through those through those little through those

Yeah, I would say that's the challenge I would have to the listeners of this particular

episode, right? You know, we talked about the emotional cycle,

right? It is an emotional cycle. It is. You need to learn to

recognize the pattern. Like, if you do nothing else, learn to recognize the

pattern. Learn to identify where you are in that pattern and be honest

with yourself. That was one of the, that self-awareness

for me has been one of the greatest strengths I've had, and I agree.

This could go, this conversation could go down so many different directions because

this pattern is repeatable in everywhere. Agreed.

Everywhere. I agree with you. Yeah. So, learn

to identify the patterns, you know, where they're playing out

and they're going to play out in multiple spaces. Write them down,

figure it out, do some journaling. There's nothing wrong with journaling. I

don't do it as enough of it as I should, but you

Man, thank you Tyler for sharing that with us. I did want

to tell you again, thank you for sharing the last episode

with us. Of course. I did get a lot of people reaching out

to me and just saying how grateful they

were that we shared that podcast.

And it does like It's not going to change anything, right? We

appreciate the legend of Nick, and I'll never not

mention the legend of Nick, right? And the fact of what

emotions it brings to the table, right? Yeah. Thank

you for sharing that with us. Thank you for, um, you know,

Yeah, no, it was an honor to, to share his, his

memory because he, he was a legend and I got

a lot of questions. Who, who's Nylar? Who's Nylar? And I

realized I forgot to tell the story. Um, when

we grew up, the legend of Nylar, that was the title of the podcast. Who

is it? Legend of Nylar. So, um, I, in

high school, I, we were into Tony Hawk pro skater. on

the, uh, my kids played that and I remember playing it.

Yeah, dude, it was like Tony Hawk pro skater one had the best soundtrack

of any video game ever. And it was just one of those games that like

in sophomore through senior year of high school before Halo,

it just, it, it, it, it, it, it was

everything. And so I had set up a game. I'd been playing for

a long time, beating all the levels. And, uh, I came home

one day and my game had been re saved to

Yeah, I don't know. I think there was a

there was a Nick had gone in and played Mm-hmm. And

you know at this point he's five years younger than me. So if I were, you

know, if I were 16 he would have been you

know, you know 11 right right and he didn't really

know what he was doing. He accidentally saved over my game is

nylon Tyler and And he denied

the whole thing. So Nylar was kind of a joke.

I think it caused a lot of, you know, probably a fist

fight, an argument, right? Like, and

so, yeah, the legend of Nylar was that Nick, he

was always better. He was probably better at the video game than I was. He

saved over my, he saved over my game, but didn't really

That's awesome. Let me give a couple of shout outs. Yeah. So

I wanted to mention Chris Parker's wife. He's gonna be so mad that

I said this but listen Chris Parker's wife has been doing some Instagram

stuff that I've really really enjoyed lately and her Instagram is

Julie underscore raising wild Look, here's

the thing man. These two take their kids out on

some crazy adventures and yeah watch their kids and I'm like man, I They

are doing it right. Yeah, their kids, their

kids eat dirt. They eat, they, they, whatever it

is around, they put in their mouth and they've done these stories, dude. And I

laugh and I love them. And Chris is like, I know man,

she's doing this. And I'm like, dude, it is really cool. It is

really cool. And I've watched her grow and I've watched, um, things. So I

really would like to give Julie underscore raising wild, a

big shout out, dude, go look at her Instagram story, check

her out. I'm gonna tag her and watch their

kids. His kid has blonde, blonde

hair. Blonde hair. Like toe toe

head. Yeah. And he looks just like Chris

and wild as shit. But they're so they're they're like, they

travel around in there when they go and they go on vacation. And

I love when their kids are eating the sand in the dirt, whatever.

The other day he got into her makeup and

Here's Chris. It was so cool Yeah,

so give her give her a look at Julie underscore raising wild

on Instagram. She has a cool story she is she's gaining followers

and I'm watching her and I'm kind of getting jealous cuz She's gaining followers

like quickly and I'm like man. I wish I had that skill set. I So

I'm, I'm stoked for her. I'm proud of her. Um, keep it up, keep up the good work. Um,

and, uh, again, everybody that showed up tonight, I

appreciate you all. I appreciate you, um, coming out there and,

uh, we have, uh, a

belt test on March 23rd. That's

not this Saturday, but the following Saturday, Lehigh at 10, 10 AM.

It should be pretty good. It should be pretty fun. Um,

that's Space

is getting limited because honestly There

are some fights that are going to come out this week that you're going to be like, holy shit.

They're fighting Yeah, and and it's going to be fun. And so, um,

it's just going to be a really good um promotion

of our association the pedros our association and

the level of The level of jiu-jitsu that

I don't want to call anyone out because I'm scared of

repercussions in the gym, but there

was one photo that came out and I'm like, it looks like their heads are

photoshopped on. Who was it? Their

heads were too big and their bodies were kind of small. And I was like, I,

I, I've been underneath that dude. He's tough. He's

Nick Jackson, Jackson, Billy, and that, that fight itself,

man, it was going to be a dude. Those two dudes are insane. Yeah.

Nick Jackson and Billy bus. Yeah. And Jessica, Nick

Jackson is a park city guy. Billy bus is a Jeff

current guy. Okay. Two forest tribe brown belts that are legit.

Yeah. And I've trained with both of them, and I'm like, man, this

is going to be a really good fight. Yes. And yeah,

Photoshop. I, uh, yeah, I'll, I'll take some licks

for that one. I'm sure. But what do you got coming up? Anything? What have I

got coming up, man? Um, not, not, not a whole lot. I've

got a couple of slots open for coaching. Um, you

know, I picked up a couple of great clients just recently and you know,

but obviously anonymity is there, uh, part of the, part

of the process, but like really excited to work with these gentlemen. Um,

just some incredible men who are looking to make a difference in their lives and

just looking to really get unstuck. So,

if you're interested, hit me up on Instagram, hit up the website. Lostboyscouts.com.

You know, I got room for probably two or three more men

who want to just, you know, work it out, right?

It's not quite therapy, but it's also, you know, we hire

men to, excuse me, we hire men, we hire men to fix our

plumbing. We show up with

the easy to tell, but I mean, we have like, so

often we hire, you know, we hire the, the, the,

the personal trainer or the, like, sometimes you just need somebody

to help you take a look at the label, you know, somebody that can help you get out of that pickle

jar thought. You know, that's the real thing we're learning

with, with, with our brains. And, and, you know, um, a big

reason I went in and started learning to coach, um, from

that perspective. So if you, if you're feeling stuck where, you know, you just want

to enhance your performance, whether it's, uh, you know, relationships,

whether it's whatever it is, like let's, let's

chat first hour is always free. And then we see if we, we jive and

What about you? High Life Breathing

is active. I've

got everything ready to roll out with the people that want

to learn how to breathe. I do focus on just

controlling your central nervous system, how to use just nasal breathing and,

um, belly breathing with some fire breathing that can help you just control

emotions. It really does just control emotion. It starts your day. Um,

like I said, I, um, I focus on wake

up. It's the first thing that you do empty stomach right

away. Give yourself 20 minutes to, uh,

breathe and do a little bit of stretching. So important, super important.

And it also, brings consistency to

your practices, which helps just keep that,

just keep the fun going and keep you in the

mindset of like always moving forward. Yeah. You know, not getting stuck

in a moment. Yes. Because tomorrow's going to happen. the

next hour is going to happen, the next minute is going to happen. Let's just stop

for a moment, take some time for ourselves. If you go

on there, you can email me, we can do a consultation. Everything

is free right now. Everything is free. If you want to

learn how to breathe, I'll teach you for free. Right now, I'm

looking for five people to just take my class. Five

people. Everything is free. You come hang out with

me. I'll do it. I'll teach you. It's about, it's a two weeks. We'll

get together for two weeks and then if you want more, we can talk

about more and hopefully what you'll do is you'll keep helping

me build my brand and helping me build. That's awesome. This program and

Um, anytime you want to, uh, train,

if you're looking for something different, come to park city, jujitsu, um, in

park city and in Lehigh, we have to the two academies and

you can always ask for Tyler and I, and everybody in both academies,

people in both academies know us and they'll point you in

Yeah, yeah. I've been doing your breathing routine in

the morning and before I go to bed, and I guarantee, I sleep better. I

always sleep better. I do it when I hit the ice bath too. I've

been epically hitting the ice bath. Yes, I've done

three minutes a day, every day. And my water

temperature, just ambient temperature outside, like it won't even register. It's

below 30 degrees. No, thank you. But

if it weren't for the breathing, I don't think I'd make it. I'd make it maybe

a minute. But the breathing is so important. So hit

Thank you guys. Give us a call. Give us a shout out.

DM us. Give us some Instagram shout outs. And

man, let us keep growing. Let us keep getting into

your thoughts. And like I said, follow along

from the beginning. If you're starting in this, listen to the first one and