Lost Boy Scouts Podcast

Back to Lost Boy Scouts podcast a little

bit different setup a little bit different

studio. This is awesome. Yeah looks good

Oh, it's been a ton of work. You have done

a good job, dude I've got a little bit of

a cold going on.

So I apologize if you're picking this up

that I may wheeze or I may yeah, but I've

literally been working and I've got a little

bit of a canker sore from getting clicked

in the mouth yesterday and so if I'm like

doing this it's probably because like I've

got a little bit of a of an OCDness, you

know, yeah Yeah, hopefully you guys can hear

us all we're in in the new studio new digs

Yeah, different setup different setup a little

bit fresher space. It looks good, dude. Yeah,

it's warm. We don't have to worry about the

People hauling ass 100 miles an hour. Yeah

your window. Yeah.

Yeah, it looks good, man The biggest thing

is the buzzing of the power lines. They're

gone Yeah, you probably didn't notice in

at post editing editing. I live so close

the power lines at the right on top of yeah

Yeah

Yeah, so you had a big thing going on, huh?

Yeah, man, you've had a big change who man

so yeah when I got home from my Dealing with

my brother. Well the week before my whole

ordeal with my brother I was down at in st

George attending a work function and I got

home and had to go to my side hustle at the

ice rink and my basement had some water in

it and I didn't really think too much of

it. Like I threw on some laundry in real

quick and I was like, Oh, maybe this, the

washing machine or dishwasher did something.

And then all this stuff happened with my,

my brother. And I was gone for like a week

and a half. And I called the landlord. I

said, Hey, there was water. Can you send

somebody to check it out? And their response

was, well, is there anyone there that can

look at it for us? So of course, just so

happened that brand, my daughter was coming

home from school. And I said, Hey, if you

get home, and see water, will you just let

me know?" And she's like, yeah, there's water

all the way into my room.

All over the place. I remember you telling

me like, you calling me and like, dude, my

basement is flooded. Yeah. And that's crazy

because like when you're a homeowner, you

kind of know what to do and you can take

some actions. You can like, you can like

start to like, okay, this is what I need

to do. This is what I need to get going on.

I need to pull the carpet back. I need to

make sure that I get everything start drying

right away. But when you're a renter, You're

kind of like at the mercy of the people,

right?

Yeah, I mean, I certainly treated that house

like I owned it, although I didn't own it.

So like I didn't stop using the washing machine.

I didn't stop using the disposal. I'm like,

I got to get life done. Keep going. I got

to keep going. And, you know, if they're

not going to pay attention to it, I'm just

going to keep calling and asking about it.

It took about another Three, four weeks for

them to come up and finally look at it. And

it turns out the, I actually caught it that

this, the, the drain line for the washing

machine was backing up and all the water

was backing up out of the drain line. And

I was discussing it with some coworkers and

they were like, you know, that's like sewer

water. Right. And I'm like, uh,

Man, and like, so Ben and Brynn stay downstairs

and probably Cozy goes down there a lot because

you had your projector down there and you

had your stuff down there. The family area,

yeah. Dude, it was insane. When, you know,

to kind of like fast forward a little bit,

when you told me what exactly was going on

and then sent me pictures, I was like, what

in the world?

I caught a whiff of something smelly and

I was like, you know, it's not that bad,

but it's not that, you know, it's tolerable.

And it took them 50 plus days to finally

address it when they finally pulled out the

flooring. My neighbor came over and was like,

did somebody die in your basement? Because

there is a smell. And it was, yeah, there

was mold growing from the laundry room all

the way under the brand new flooring. Landlord

or the not the landlord company the rental

company that was managing it wasn't connected

with the owner I finally got connected with

the owner and the owner was like super apologetic

Cost him close to forty five thousand dollars

worth of damage Because of the negligence

of this the the leasing company. Oh my god

coming to look at it Yeah, and this isn't

this was a hundred year old home. Yes, like

one of Heber's oldest I

Properties well, and so like Tyler sends

me videos. He's like dude. This is because

I was like hey, man What's going on like

we hadn't been able to connect very much.

I had gone out of town Yeah, we were we we

just hadn't been able to connect because

you were like dude. I'm dealing with this

crazy shit, right? Yeah sends me this video,

and he's like this is what I'm living in

right now all of his shit in a Storage bin

because they gave him a storage bin to load

it right yeah, then Every like, you know,

when you look at your house and your drywall

about this high is cut all the way around,

which is exactly what I would have thought

as a homeowner, like cut the drywall and

stop the stop the water from going up. Right.

Yeah. And he's living in these conditions

like he's like, dude, my house is a mess.

My all my shit is upstairs. I'm in shambles

and I'm thinking, man, this has got to be

the worst possible thing that could happen.

Luckily, right. Your kids were out of town

for a little while.

Yeah, my kids were gone on spring break with

their mother. Yeah And I kind of had an inkling

that like hey, maybe it's time to move on

from this house Like I really liked it. It

was such a good location And they did for

those on the podcast just listening. It was

about waist high So about three and a half

four feet high that they cut of the drywall

insane to get it all dried out. I Like I

said, they had mold growing, you know in

in the floor Underneath the the the floor

that they put in they put that flooring in

while I was there you were there Yeah, they're

like hey, man, just throw your shit in this

storage bin and we'll uh, we'll we'll come

about it Whenever we get to yeah, right.

Yeah, and I and so luckily, you know you

had put in for like you said you were like,

hey, I'm gonna maybe it's time to move on

you have some money and Yeah, you know get

some downsides a little bit get to a different

place for the kids Yeah, find a different

area. I mean Heber if you're not From Utah

is insane growth, right? Yeah, it is like

the what they're doing on this mountainside

is insane, right? Yeah, and so like there

are options for you to do you don't have

to live in that it was a cool spot Oh, yeah,

centrally located. I'm not gonna lie. I was

a little selfish today driving over like

I This sucks. I could just get out of my,

I could really walk to your house.

We were like two miles apart now.

Easily have a couple beers and not think

anything about it. Today I was like, well.

I have to drive 40 on the way home, or like

take all the back roads to get to my house.

Selfish, it was selfish of me. But when you

told me the story about the landlady, like

having zero clue. Yeah. No clue that this

is even going on. Yeah. And her, her, like

how she felt. Yeah.

Like you could feel for her, like. Oh, she,

she started sobbing on the phone. She was

like, I'm so sorry. Like you guys could have

gotten really sick. And I'm like, here I

am dealing with a cold now. And I'm like,

I don't know if it was just the stress of

a solid week of moving by myself. I hired

some movers, but I had to pack all the stuff

up. I had to get out. Because I was breaking

the lease, it pushed the speed of the move

up. You had to go. I had to go. In order

to prove that the house was on. Unlivable

unlivable.

Yeah. Yeah, and you were like, I mean once

you make that once you make the commitment

it's like go time, right and and and unfortunately

like sometimes all of that weight falls down

on you and and not that you're like This

sucks, but you're probably like this fucking

sucks. Yeah, right. Yeah, I'm kind of grumpy.

Uh, nobody's here to help me This would be

a lot easier if people were to help me and

pack unpack put away Just just make my life

a little bit easier.

Yeah. No, and I had some great help my dad

and his his wife came up And my nephews here.

Oh Good. Um, you know, I wasn't the funnest

trip for them, but you know, we had some

fun. We ate, we ate some fun. I fed them

well while they were here. We had lots of

ice cream and you know, yes, we did have

to move, but all in all we gave us the opportunity

to change up the studio a little bit. We're

going to be doing some fun things. Hopefully

having some more guests in. Yeah.

Man, the setup is awesome. Yeah, he did a

good job. I think this is a probably like

a good spot for you guys And yeah, I mean

it sucks because it's kind of far away from

school and you have to get the carpool everywhere

down now Yeah, there's probably no easy way

to get anywhere now because you're like have

to get on 40 and then yeah head on 40

Well, you mentioned the back roads and you're

right like 40 is the quickest when there's

no traffic But making that turn out onto

the highways not a nightmare Yeah, the back

roads work would be perfect except for they're

replacing all the sewer lines in the city

So like all the Eastern or north-south roads

are blocked off close my when I leave for

work in the morning My I usually like go

to a turn turn and go down the road to the

stop sign turn right and sometimes I'm like

early in the morning I forget

That middle the halfway down it's closed.

It's not I'm like well now I have to find

my way out of this way, and I'm like creature

of habit right yeah, and man like It is crazy

when you're putting when you're put into

this like this this this chaos and turmoil

of having to uproot Not only your life, but

you know you your kids is life Yeah, and

not that you you uproot them and your kids

are kind of durable, you know but they've

already had like a bunch of shit going on

the divorce and then you know, Nick's passing

and how how they know that that affects you

in itself, right and you're just as a the

whole thing has to be like When am I going

to be able to take a breath?

Yeah. Yeah. It's Theo Vaughn. He has this,

like, I saw a clip of it on social media

somewhere. He's like, here's some more life.

He just calls it life. He's got this funny

way of like how life happens to you. Here's

some more life. Oh, and by the way, here's,

here's some more. You just get finished chewing

on that. Oh yeah. Here's some more life.

So crazy. Gotta be resilient. I think that's

been kind of the focus of the last few months

for me is like, how, how do I really build

some durable resilience and make sure I'm

not,

You're not resilient enough because holy

shit, man It is like fastball curveball fastball

curveball. Yeah, I don't want to swing anymore

Yeah, you but you gotta keep it.

You have to keep swinging. You have to keep

you have to keep crowd in the plate You have

to keep

Yeah, you know after it's funny because we've

talked about like how men in themselves men

in themselves like that's the expectation,

right? Yeah, the expectation is just to get

up every morning Yeah, put a smile on shave

your beard shit shower and shave. Yeah and

and head out on your day and not have to

Worry about emotions or feelings when I can

all reality like we all have emotions and

feelings. Oh, yeah, right And I know like

we've talked about it before we haven't had

we haven't been able to spend that much time

with each other in the last couple of weeks

because one like I knew you're busy as shit

and like Uh, what can I do? I mean, like,

I'll come over and just us two over here.

Like, yeah, I am. I know for a fact that

I'm not the best at that. So I like was like,

Hey man, do you want some help? Knowing that

it's like, well, I'll help. But yeah, I know

I have misty. Yeah. You know, she, she would

tell me, get out of the way. Yeah. You're

messing this up. Like, yeah, which I would.

Cause I'd be like, Oh, wandering around.

Hey, where did, should I put this there?

This looks like where you should go. And

then you're walking behind me, moving everything.

I just moved.

Right. Yeah. And, um, it, it, it's interesting,

like to, to think about that kind of stuff

that you're, you're, that you're just supposed

to go about your day. No emotions and no

support, right? Oh, yeah. Because you do

have support. Oh, yeah. But do you? Yeah.

You know, like, I don't know, man.

Yeah. I mean, it's like, what do I really

need and what lessons do I need to learn

from this? Right. Like. I mean, it's easy

to say like, oh yeah, poor me. I don't have

anyone. Like there's no one like, yes, I

do want somebody special in my life to share

the burden. But at the same time, like I'm

going to own it. Even if, even if I did have

a partner, you know, I I'd hired the movers

either way. They lifted the heavy stuff,

like carrying my mattress. We, we, we, we

both have that Tempur-Pedic. It's like, gosh,

I ain't carrying that. No, it's like hauling

like two dead bodies like you don't want

like moves all over the yeah, it's like there's

no rigidity to it It's like heavy awkward

So like did they move everything downstairs

to you?

Like did they move everything in the heavy

stuff into what you needed to and then into

the yeah Yeah, so I just put it on Facebook

marketplace or ask Kieber.

I just said hey I need I have these are the

items I need moved my bed my And I just basically

said, this is what I need. And they said,

cool, we will do, we'll do, you know, four

hours for a hundred bucks an hour or something

like that. And I was like, cool. And so I

gave them the items and they moved them all

in. You know, they even drove the U-Haul

over as I was packing up like the last little

bit of stuff. And, you know, they, yeah,

they, they moved everything. I mean, it,

there was a big benefit that when they hired

the disaster restoration company, the disaster

restoration company cleared like everything

out of, Basement and just boxed it. I mean

granted. I'm still opening boxes looking

for stuff, but because they just throw it

in boxes They don't they don't care, okay?

But you know it could not have turned out

better or easier for Like move like for the

movie.

Yeah moving yeah So you feel some sort of

like sense of normalcy starting to settle

in Brynn came back So that yeah, I gotta

throw a little bit of like a wrench and things

not like wrench like Brynn coming back is

bad But like she's coming back from college.

So now you have all three kids in the house.

Yeah Yeah, just two where you the last year

you've had just two.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean it is it's it's it's the

new normal of summer, right? It'll be interesting.

I think that's one of the reasons I chose

to rent a little smaller places. I want to

get out I want to travel I want to You know,

use the rooftop tent on the Bronco and you

know, so this hopefully will, while it's

a cool spot, we had a great view of temp.

You know, hopefully we will feel like, oh,

hey, we're a little crowded here. Let's go

stretch our legs and get outside. There's

some great concerts coming up here in Salt

Lake. Utah's a great place to get outside

and go camp.

For sure. Yeah, Utah's great. Utah has a

good mix right now. It sucks right now. This

bipolar spring is unbelievable. On my drive

this morning, Dude, it was insane. It was

insane. I mean like it was snowing like winter

storm. Yeah. Yeah like a wind not a spring

storm, but it was a winter storm and everybody

was driving like like they had forgotten

already how to drive and the semis especially.

So it was traction devices only down parlays

and I can assure you those trucks were like

going and it was windy so like they were

moving all over the place and so a bunch

of times like Like I seen a truck go from

one side of the road to the other side of

the road. And I was like, man, this is insane.

What are we doing? Yeah. Took me an hour

and like 45 minutes to get to work this.

Wow. I don't know. In, um, in may or may

7th dude. Yeah. So yeah, this is, I'm over

it. You know, we're, uh, we, uh, the, the

summer, once the summer starts to pick up,

right. Like everybody starts to go outside

and everybody starts to stretch and everybody

starts to dust that winter coat off. And

yeah. Saturday, Misty and I started to do

some yard work and stuff, but we got a late

start because I kind of slept in and then

we watched, we had breakfast and we watched

a couple of episodes of the show that we're

watching. And she's like, hey, we got to

go outside. And I'm like, okay, it's going

to be fine. It's supposed to be 75 today.

But by the time we went outside, the clouds

had moved in and she's like, we missed everything.

And Sunday it was cold and snowing. And we

were like, oh my gosh, I'm ready for something

different. Yeah. I just want something different.

Yeah. And, and the warmth to come on and.

Oh, I hear you. I hear you. I keep like,

I want to get the motorcycle out. I can get

it out a little bit. And then like, yeah,

the snow comes back. Yeah.

It's insane. Yeah. Yeah. So that was a good

recap, man. I mean, like, I think right now

we're probably able to be able to hit the,

um, um, ground running and, and record like

we wanted to. Yeah. Um, What was your thoughts

on the b-side?

Man, it's it's one that obviously I posted

in the middle of the move. I would I didn't

Danny you thought that there was a Video

out there. I thought so. I don't know. I

I don't know I'm struggling with a couple

of technical issues right now with the studio

set up and I pulled that one down I Having

listened to it now a couple of times, I'm

like, it just is what it is.

It is what it is. I remember the night. So

I remember the night vividly. Yeah. And I

remember just the backstory. I don't want

to get too far into the backstory because

it's kind of like it's so far behind and

there's really no reason to rehash it. But

I had gotten some news that I had shared

with you that I knew that I had to. Yeah.

Right. We are really good friends. Yeah,

I am not going to like find out news and

not first thing whether it's about you or

not Yeah, first thing call you and be like,

yeah, I got some gossip Yeah, and it was

gossip and it was and it was and it was hard

for me because I knew that it was like Alright,

I got to tell you this information that I

got I couldn't hold on to it any longer because

it was already messing with my head already

and And about halfway through, I realized,

well, put the beer down, Danny, because it's

not your night tonight. I was like, dude,

this is going to go one of two ways. Yeah.

And if we both go this way, it could get

pretty like not fun for both of us. Yeah.

And, and I knew like that, that you needed

me to be a really good friend and, and, and

kind of be a good,

Sober yeah, I don't I don't I don't want

to give to you like obviously I knew that

there was gonna be some some The divorce

was painful right this specifically Because

the divorce wasn't a hundred percent my choice

now. Yeah, we were my spouse and I were married

very young, right? She was 19. I was 21.

We followed a particular pattern but But

coming from a broken home, I knew I never

wanted to subject my children to a broken

home. You know, there's a lot of trauma going

on and a lot of patterns that we're playing

on, a lot of work that's been done, but I

knew the second hardest point to the actual

physical divorce was finding out that Um,

there was somebody else in her life. Right.

And, and so that is exactly what we found

out. And I don't want to go too much into

it because I want to protect her story, her

piece and, and you know, her, her partner's

piece. Um, But yeah, you know how I processed

that. As the night moved on.

As the night moved on. And the alcohol flowed.

Yeah, it probably was not the healthiest,

but at the same time.

It's who we are. Yeah. It's who we are. We

don't hide anything. And for one, we're not

gonna hide from our audience who we are.

We are compassionate men with emotions. Yes,

without a doubt that need each other, like

to, to be there for each other. Right. And

to always be like, Hey man, I got you. I

got you. Yeah. Right. And that's kind of

like, when I listened to it, that's what

I remember is like, I could hear when I was

like, okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay. This is what,

this is what's going to happen. And, and

I actually thought there was some really,

really cool information that we shared in

that, in that moment.

Yeah. I think, I think I was seriously honest,

you know, you, you start, and I'm going to

at this point, we'll just call it what it

is. It was self-medicating. Sure. Right.

It was self-medicating with, with alcohol

and, You break down some of those walls.

And I'm the type of person when I drink,

I don't get belligerent. I get happy. I want

to chat. I'll talk your ear off. I'm probably

the worst kind of drunk. I'll just sit there

and talk. Talked on that episode for hours

and probably would have been would have been

fine But you know, you could tell as I started

slurring as my language got more profane

that you know Definitely that that medication,

you know was self-medicated or so.

Yeah Just just for our you know for for our

own To to come full circle in this thing

like I We don't, we don't, we're not the

kind of men who do that kind of self-medication

on a regular basis, but we know of men who

are in that Stuck in that rut of self-medicating

and they don't know how to like. All right.

I got it out of my system Yeah now, yeah,

not only am I gonna do it tomorrow? Yeah,

but I'm not gonna do it for a while Yeah,

because I need to like I need to feel these

emotions and not run away from them. Absolutely.

I know that's how you are. I

Absolutely. And I would, and I would agree

that episode is not a little, a little under

a year old. Yeah. A little under a year old

when we originally recorded it, you know,

it was a different part of my journey. I've

been in and out of my own relationships at

this point.

Like, um, so much has happened since then.

Yeah. I'm so much smarter. I'm so much wiser.

I've so I I'm, and, and I don't know that

I'd have the same, the same response. It

is still painful, but at the same time, um,

there's a lot that goes into those relationships,

right? Like, is it more painful than being

in the wrong relationship, being the only

person that puts in effort? Like the relationship

started to really die when I stopped putting

in effort, right? And that's what made it

easy for her to go out and find somebody

else. I saw that I was the only one putting

in effort and I stopped putting in effort

and it died. It was that simple.

Yeah. And, and man, uh, you know, honestly,

like one thing I wanted to say was to, to

always be, to, to be thankful for, for you

being, being willing to share. Um, it was

a rough night. Yeah. as soon as we talked

about it, it was a rough go, but you, you,

you said, Hey man, we're going to podcast.

I don't know where this is going to go. I

don't know the direction is going to go,

but we're going to podcast. We ended up spending,

you know, long way longer after the podcast

talking and visiting and like, you know,

being, um, making sure that, that we did,

we didn't go, that you didn't go anywhere

further than what you needed to go down the

path. Right.

Yeah, I think absolutely right and I think

when I look at the nature of that relationship

to you know so much of my story comes from

being in this high-demand religion, right

and and I would say a founding principle

of that relationship was It was founded on

that high demand religion. Like we didn't

ask each other a lot of the questions you'd

probably normally ask each other in a typical

courtship because we both came from the same

religious, ultra religious, high demand background,

right? We shared, we shared quote unquote,

the same standards. And when those standards

eroded for us in you know, early 2011, whenever

we, we, whenever we deconstructed that, um,

so much, so much of the foundation of our,

our, our relationship eroded with it. And

we didn't, we didn't backfill it. Um, I didn't,

I didn't see, like, I saw this need to like,

okay, we've got to start backfilling it.

Like, it's just like a house, right? If the

foundation starts to erode, right, the house

is eventually going to talk. And no matter

what, And I don't want to say that I'm any

saint, but I definitely felt as the last

few years of the marriage, we've got to backfill

this. There was a desire on my part to do

some work, to see some therapists, but it

does, it takes two people to want to do that.

And again, I don't want to go too much more

into her side of the story, but I can just

explain my, my perception of my side of it.

Um, and even still, I'm even hesitant to

go there because I do want to protect her

story. I want to protect her, her, her, you

know, I don't want it to feel like, well,

I was this great guy. I was like perfect

and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And no, I think you, I think you've said

it correctly. And, and, and, and like left

some meat on the bone. Because, you know,

we're not quite ready there yet to like dive

that far into what's going on. But, you know,

when we talk about the topic tonight, this

leads us right into that topic of, of distractions,

right? Prioritizing distractions and focusing

on ourselves, right? Focusing on ourselves.

And so why this is coming up is because,

you know, I get phone calls and I talk to

people and I, and some of the people that

I'm helping, they're always like, well, I

want to be able to do this. I want to be

able to do this, but I have these distractions.

I have this distraction for me. Um, my distractions

when I was younger was I had a kid at an

early age. Hmm. But I also knew that I, back

in the day when we were younger, you know,

you went on a mission to the military or

to college. If you're in Utah, most of your

friends were either, were gonna go on a mission,

right? They were all gonna go on a mission.

My group of friends, we were gonna go to

the military. That was the priority. The

priority was you're gonna do that. Now you

have distractions. Distractions would be,

Did I, you know, was I partying too hard?

Did I need to clean up my system before I

went and did the military test? For in the

LDS church, man, there are a ton of distractions

that could keep you from going on that mission.

But for the most part, same thing. You would

clear up, clean up your act for six, seven

weeks, go talk to, you know, the recruiter,

the bishop, whatever you want to, however

you want to do, make sure you were clean

and then you were good to go. But you, but,

as soon as you left, those distractions were

still there. And as we get older, distractions

become bigger, right? And how can you prioritize

yourself, yourself, like myself over a distraction,

right? In my own life, jujitsu is a huge

part of my life, right? Don't if if if there's

something else going on and jiu-jitsu is

it's my night to train. I go to jiu-jitsu

Yeah, if Misty's like hey, I'd like to cook

dinner. I'm like I'm training tonight. Yeah,

that's my priority. Yeah, I'd I do not Waiver

yeah, there's times when I waiver from going

to training like tonight where I'd like to

go to training tonight I would have liked

to go to training, but I had already told

Misty I I need to, I was going to bring her

dinner, you know, and we were going to record.

And so I was like, okay, okay. I'm okay.

Not going to training tonight. Right. But

I have to prioritize where's my focus at

what, what happens with people? Like when

they call me, they're like, I want to, I

want to be, I want to go to class, but the

class time doesn't work for my schedule.

I want to go to open map, but I can only

stay for class because my wife expects me

home after class. Yeah. Right. Um, You have

these things that take all this distress,

all these things. What's more important?

What's more important? And you have to prioritize

what's more important. When me, I think sometimes

I come off or when I'm telling Tyler, Hey,

we're training tonight. Yeah. I have this

going on. I'm like, okay. Yeah. Yeah. We're

training tonight and you're like, yeah, but

I have this going on. And I think sometimes

I come off as like, that's it. Yeah. We're

going to training. You don't get to do anything

else like that. That's what you said you

were going to do, you know? And, and I'm

saying you Tyler, but this happens with other

people and, and how can I, how can I prioritize

what's more important at that moment?

Yeah, I think that's, that's super interesting.

Cause I definitely, again, it comes back

to like this feeling shame and guilt, right?

Like the tools of a high demand religion

and some cultures are shame and guilt, right?

And if you shame and guilt people into doing

things, it's kind of a, you know, it's on

the spectrum of narcissistic things that,

that kind of happen when you shame and guilt

people into doing things, it encodes in their

nervous system is fear, right? And it's not

fun. Well, yeah. And I'm like, I sure as

hell, I don't want to let Danny down. Like

Danny's my friend and he won't like me anymore

if I don't go. And like, I certainly feel

that, but then I also have to say, okay,

calm down. What's real. So I think it comes

down to like, what are your priorities? How

do you prioritize? Right. When I talk about

coming out of a high demand religion, right.

We use guilt and shame as, as leaders of

the church, guilt and shame to correct behavior.

And so I think that distorts a lot of people's

ability to actually pick values for themselves.

Like, so what do you value? Yeah. Because

if you don't, if you don't value, you know,

I, I have a lot of people, I know a lot of

people that are like, Oh, I'm, I'm, I'm really

into health. I'm really into fitness. And

then they'll eat McDonald's, you know, twice,

three times a week or fast food a couple

of times a week, or their diet is just completely

garbage. Right. Well, then do you really

value fitness if you're eating that way?

Right. And I mean, there are ways to remove

the guilt and shame. And I think there's

ways that, that, that guilt and shame can

kind of be a motivator for, for good. Yeah.

Right. Well, just let's say like, let's say

that let's, let's, let's say that you have

like, I'm this, you know, I'm this person

who, who teaches breath work, who, who, who

promotes healthy living. Yeah. But, and on

the backside, here I am, you know, you see

me at McDonald's eating a Big Mac, right?

Or I have an addiction to porn, the background,

right? Or I'm self-medicating with booze

and distracting myself with like other negative

things. It's going to come to the service

eventually, right? Things are going to come

to the surface. I'm not going to be able

to keep that facade on for very long. So

as I start to go, you know, I'm having this

conversation today with my friend because

he was like, I need you to help hold me accountable

to, to some things. And I'm like, that, it's

kind of not my job to hold you accountable.

It's my job to give you like some encouragement,

right? But as soon as I start saying to you,

hey, jujitsu class is at 11 and you say,

well, but me and so-and-so are going to meet

at two because that works better for me than

I'm thinking, okay, now you're being selfish

because guess what? At 11, I need you at

class. The only way that I get better in

jujitsu, which is the craziest thing in the

world, is if you show up to class. Yeah,

if I'm just there with professor yes, I get

professor's attention But I don't get to

practice anything on a person who's actually

gonna give me a feel yep, right Yeah, Kyle,

and I were talking about this the other day

is like on Sundays. You know not a lot of

white belts show up Yeah, so on Sundays.

You don't get to practice techniques. It's

it's kind of it's kind of a training day

Yeah, you don't get to practice things because

most of the time the white belts aren't showing

up because they know that there's a bunch

of upper belts there and they're probably

going to have a rough day. But then I think

to myself, okay, well, that's a distraction.

That's a distraction. You could come there

with the idea of, okay, I'm going to get

my butt kicked, but it's part of the process.

And the guys that are there need me to be

there. Right. Um, and, and that's how I think

about that certain avenue, right? When I'm,

when men are like struggling with addictions

and with distractions that are, you know,

that are like, man, that's, that's a distraction

that could cause some damage in your life.

Yeah. You do have to prioritize them and

that time for them. Yeah. Because they need

you in that moment. Yeah. Right. They need

to be able to talk and tell you that in a

safe place. Yeah. I, I, Started at Instagram,

before I knew it, I was on OnlyFans, and

then I VPNed right in the Pornhub, and now

I'm down this path. And that's a distraction.

It gets in the way of your overall health

and benefits of your life.

Absolutely. Our brain is addicted to patterns,

right? Our brain thrives on patterns. We're

constantly trying to figure out patterns,

right? And those patterns, those synopses

that are firing in our brain, they're carving

pathways into the gray matter, right? There's

a bunch of science behind it. I'm oversimplifying

it quite a bit, but that's why things like

the power of atomic habit That's why things

like the 12 step program are super beneficial.

It's line upon line, you know, it's, it's

day after one day at a time. Right. And you

have to be kind enough to yourself to say,

okay, yeah, maybe I screwed up. Great. Um,

can I do it? Can I get back on the train?

Right. It's when you find yourself that like

it's, it is becoming a problem. It's because

if it's, if it's following kind of the pattern

of addiction and then you do need to reach

out for help. Right. But at some point the,

the catalyst to change is it all resides

within you. Agreed. It all resides within

you. I agree with you. Right? Like that's

why they say that people that are, that go

to therapy, that are brought to therapy and

couples therapy, if they don't want to be

there, they're not successful. Same thing

with like rehabilitation. Same thing with,

with addicts, rehabilitation. Same thing

with, I would imagine even jail. Even jail.

Right? Like, you know, the guys that get

thrown into jail, there's probably a lot

of them that don't want to be there. They

don't care to be there. They don't think

they did anything wrong. And so that pattern

stays. Like, I don't, I don't know. I've

never been to jail.

I've never been cuffed up. Thankfully, it

only happened one time when I was a kid.

But man, yeah, I would, I would agree with

you. I would say that you could put anything

into the category of distraction. Yeah. Anything,

anything could be in the category of distraction.

Then it could then it could be like, okay

now we're going down the path of good distraction

bad distraction Yeah, and then each of those

have that Venn diagram of like circles of

like sometimes they mesh and mix and sometimes

Yeah, just its own little Avenue and it sits

out there on its own where you're like Okay,

I gotta address that distraction For me Because

of where I'm at in my life, right? I'm in

this like weird Opportunity of my life or

like like man, I'm like a rarity. I'm 45

years old both my boys are over 20 years

old and My wife and I are just we have our

patterns of like where we hang out with each

other and she doesn't say very many much

about like when I go to training and Yeah,

you know if I'm if I'm going to training

that night. She's like going to training

that night. Yeah, but if I'm You know if

I'm drinking too much or if I'm Not when

we're together Giving her attention, then

it does become like hey. Yeah, I'm here still

right yeah, but I That's where I think like

self-reflection and self-understanding where

you're like, okay, I'm prioritizing these

things and I'm prioritizing the people that

matter the things that matter the most. Yeah,

right Your kids different stages of the life.

You kind of have to be there for your kids

right now Plus you only see them once every

other week. Yeah.

Yeah, I think that this is the beauty of

human relationships though like the beauty

of human relationships is they actually take

Reflection that we would get and if we allow

it to it can be a magnifying glass people

like to say it's a mirror No, man, I think

it's like a mirror It's like one of those

mirrors that's like has a zoom effect Right

because because misty calling you out and

saying hey, I need a little bit more attention

in this matter You know what? I mean, or

I need you to pay a little bit more attention

to that if you are willing You're right because

you know it's impacting your relationship,

you are more likely to look at it. She'll

see something like jujitsu and she'll say,

well, you know what, when Danny gets back,

he's got a clear head. You know, he's less

aggressive. He probably does drink a little

bit less. Like there was a benefit to there.

She'll let that slide. But if Danny's dipping

too much into the Casamigos and he's had

one too many Pacificos. Hey, Danny, we need

to, we need, you know, that is that that's

impacting me. Right. And that's the beauty

of these human relationships. is they can

drive us to change.

And I think that's how, as a man, you can

start to create this understanding of yourself

and then create conversations with not only

yourself, right? Because that's what I was

telling my friend today is like, you know,

I, I think that we're, you know, him and

I are going to get together and we're going

to talk a little bit about it because I,

I really was intrigued, intrigued my mind

to have somebody go, Hey, I need your help

to, um, to stay focused on this thing. And

in my mind, I'm like, well, you are a, a

very, very, very, Driven businessman yeah,

who puts business first right like business

for you like if you if if it comes to training

or business business wins right if it comes

to training or family family wins right if

it comes to training or whatever input whatever

always win yeah, and I was like I wonder

how him and I are gonna have that conversation

where it's like Okay, well tell me what's

more important right now. Yeah, because I

You cannot watch YouTube and learn jiu-jitsu.

You cannot find somebody to go drill with

you without taking a class and learn jiu-jitsu.

You need to take the class that's given,

and that's the beauty of it. If there's classes

that are available, adjust your schedule

around the classes available.

Yeah, I think the question I like is, because

I find that one, you telling him may not

be the right approach. You saying, hey, what's

this? Frame it is what are you willing to

sacrifice to become the jiu-jitsu player?

Yeah that you want to be right? What are

you willing to sacrifice? Yeah, what can

you can you dedicate yourself to that that

sacrifice?

Yeah, perhaps it's one less zero in your

bank one less comma, but you know like here's

the other part about that is We live in Utah

and it's about to be summertime, right? Yeah.

And what did everybody do in the summertime?

They go hiking, get outside, they go running.

You don't need another person to go hiking

or running. Right. Right. You can do those

on your own. Right. And you don't need an

Academy to have that available. You can just

go on the trail. Sure. Right. Sure. And like

I was saying before, like in the Academy,

I need other people to be there to give me

a partner to learn this art. Right. Yeah.

And then. round that away into your relationships

now. Yeah. You need a willing partner to

create this life that you're looking for.

Oh yeah. I need a willing partner. Like I

need Misty to be a willing partner to create

the life and to focus on each other. Focus.

She focuses on her. I focus on myself. And

then we remove distractions to get the life

that we're looking for.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're absolutely right.

And, and I think like as young men, um, When

we're talking when you talk to young men

like men distract, they're like they're like

squirrels. Oh, yeah, there's something over

there. There's something over there. There's

something over there and I think that's part

of life.

Yeah, I think you're absolutely right. But

I also think practice, like when you're young,

you're practicing for the rest of your life.

The way you show up for homework, the way

you show up for school, that's dictating

those patterns throughout the rest of the

course of your life. Sure. Right? Like if

you're, and this was me, if you're blowing

off class, if you're forgetting to turn in

assignments, like what does that, how does

that, it, That sure as hell manifests in

my work schedule. I'm always like last minute

to get a project done. Like, you know, I

get it done and I do high quality work, but

like, I didn't practice being a good student

to begin with, right? Like our brains are

so much more malleable when we're younger,

we're in record, we're in the record phase

of our brain from, you know, infancy to,

to 28 years old. That's where we're recording

all of our habits. It's so much easier, right.

To pick up a new sport, to learn a new language.

When we get older, that, that 28 plus our

brains are a little harder. Yeah. We have

some wisdom we have some great wisdom we've

learned from our lessons But it takes it

you know that's why there's that saying that

you can't teach you an old dog That's so

true new tricks And you I mean that I don't

I don't believe in that saying like I do

believe you can always learn something new

But you have to be willing Yeah.

You have to be willing. We're proof that

you can learn new skills, putting an effort

into things that you, that you have to have

an enjoyment and a want for those things.

Right. Yeah. And, um, uh, it is funny. It

is true. Like it is a hundred percent true.

Like, um, as you get older, you start to

learn, um, how to prioritize and to remove

things and to, to feel, um, like you're okay

in your own self. Right. Like you're okay

in your own skin. Right. Cause I think like

we talked about in, uh, re reinvention, you

change. There's so many times that you change

your life and you change the direction of

how things are going to go. And, um, man,

like this last week has been crazy for me

because like things have changed completely

for, for me and my path and my direction.

And it started with like, um, what's my focus?

What, what is my priorities in life? Right.

And one of them is to experience like new

things and it just happened that a Bid came

out for Hawaii. Oh nice for us to for me

to put in for a job in Hawaii and they're

hiring five people and There's move money

attached to it. There's a big pay raise attached

to it right don't do it and Misty and I talked

about it and it was like You know, I, I don't

know what's going to happen, but I would

be mad. My plan was to retire in two years,

right? It was a hundred percent to retire

in 2026. But then the, you know, you look

at the numbers and, and Misty and I are like,

holy crap, this could happen. We could change.

It would, it would drastically change her

and I's life if I could do three or four

years. you know, in this environment. Yeah.

But it's a matter of putting myself out there.

Yeah. You know, calling some people, like

doing some research and then just applying

for the job. Right. And so we did decide

to apply for the job. And who knows what's

going to happen? Yeah. We've always said,

like, if it's supposed to happen, It's going

to happen.

That's the beauty of the universe, man. I

go back to the book, The Alchemist all the

time. Yeah. You know, you got to follow those

signs and those omens. Right. And, and like,

that would be, I'd love to like, we'll move

the podcast.

Yeah. So, uh, yeah, that w it was, it was,

uh, It's been kind of like her and I just

talking about it. Yeah. Deciding like, is

this something that we can do? Is this something

that we would do? Right. You know? So in

November, we're heading out to, we're heading

out to Hawaii for, uh, I think eight days.

We're going to go and see. And by then we'll

have no, we'll know by then if we're going

to be moving, but it could literally happen.

I mean, It could happen before the end of

the year. Yeah, her and I are living in hawaii.

Wow, which is insane. That is insane Yeah,

and so I told mike, uh yesterday and I mean

like just even telling mike Like gave me

this like feeling of like no Yeah, it's not

the right thing to do because the academy

and my friends here are so important to me

but luckily like mike has always said um

the benefit of our Academy and what we have

is that I, I could go there tomorrow and

train with Ryland or, or, or, or, um, Luis

chief the Mao and they know who I am and

they'll, they'll, they'll welcome me into

the Academy and I'll have instant friends

out there. And my friends, you and other

people are going to be like, Hey, I want

to go. I'm going to follow, you know, and

I'm going to hang out with you out there

as opposed to like, um, Not knowing, not

knowing. And that's what I think about like

when you prioritize and when you do, um,

when you remove distraction, because the

things that like stuck in my head a lot were,

I don't want to be a supervisor. You know,

I don't, I want to control traffic, but I'm

getting to the age where I can't go to a

facility to an, a higher level facility as

a controller. Cause I'd have to go through

the training program again. And I'm too old

for that stuff, but I could go and be a supervisor.

Um, putting ourselves in that environment

would be a huge learning lesson for Misty

and I. But we're at this stage in our life

where we could. And if it doesn't work, if

it doesn't work, if all of a sudden it doesn't

work, I have my house in Heber, I have my

friends in Heber, and we can come back in

two years and I can retire.

It doesn't matter.

I don't, I'm not forced to stay there.

You know what I'm saying? And what a cool

opportunity for growth, right? Like sometimes

you have to chase those opportunities for

growth because to be honest, yes, you got

a lot of things going here and you'll continue

to progress in Jiu Jitsu. But like when you

talk about the growth of you and Misty as

your relationship, like where is that growing

to? Right. The next phase of growth for you

is post-retirement, you know what I mean?

Like that, that's huge. That's gotta be a

huge, that's gotta be a big rock in your

terrarium of life, right? Your relationship

and that's growth. So like super stoked that

you put yourself out there, dude. And Hawaii,

like that would be cool. Do you know like

which particular island? Oahu.

So I would work on, at Honolulu. Is that

right? Honolulu's in Oahu? I don't know.

I think that's where it is. Yeah. And so,

um, it's, it's crazy because like, uh, most

of our friends in park city either have places

in Hawaii or like, no. So I was kind of like

telling people that, and they were like,

Oh, I know my, my place is over here. You

know, luckily we, I mean, if you know, park

city, you know, that they've got multiple

places. So, um, yeah. My house is here. My

friend's house is here. And, um, We would

be close to you So if we live close to Honolulu

to the airport, yeah, it's then we would

live close to Ryland's Which is Max Holloway's?

Jiu-jitsu coach and Ryland's great, and he's

he's really cool. He's always been really

cool to me He'll be out here in July, and

I'm excited to like tell him that yeah You

know there's a possibility that we'll be

out there hanging out with him, and that's

what Mike said Mike was like I You know,

I don't want Mike was like, you know, I don't

want you to go, but that's selfish reasons.

And I want you to go so that I can go out

there and visit you. And so, uh, it was crazy.

It was a crazy week. It was a crazy week

finding out about it and then kind of putting

the things into place and then applying for

it. That's so awesome.

Yeah, dude. It's insane. Yeah, man. On that

note, what do we got going on? Um, so besides

moving to Hawaii, check this out. Yeah.

Got this the other day, so this is a stay

salty element If you guys haven't done elements

Pretty good. There's salt salt based drinks

But it is in line with our idea of taking

the bus out and selling some drinks out of

our bus Promoting the podcast. Oh nice promoting

ourselves. You know Tyler and I going out

there, and this is exactly what my idea was

and I It's coming to fruition, but this is

kind of what we'll be out there selling.

It's a sparkling water with salt It's in

in Mexico. It's called a suedo and it's good

for hangovers good for the flu good for colds

and It's mineral water salt and you go and

hang out put them together and supposed to

make you feel better so I'm gonna go out

and take the bus out and Sell some of those

I think you and I'll be out there on a Saturday

and tell people where we're gonna be at.

All right we have Mother's Day coming up

for Mother's Day this weekend Sunday by the

time This episode will be out Friday. This

episode will be out Friday. So Sunday will

be Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to all

of our listeners out there Misty said Probably

not gonna get very much fanfare for this,

but she's like, hey, what are you gonna buy

me for Mother's Day? and I was like You're

not my mom. Talk to the boys. I have a mom

and she always, my kids think that is the

funniest thing when I tell her that. They

think that is so funny, but it's not true.

I usually end up getting her something, but,

uh, they think that is so funny when they,

they giggle so hard when I tell her, no,

you're not my mom. I'm not finding nothing.

You know, uh, what will you be able to see

your mom?

Um, yeah, I think my mom's planning on coming

out. She called me and said, Hey, Everything

that's gone on. I kind of need to be a mom

Can I come out and be a mom and I'm like,

I won't say no good Um, what's she coming

out? I think she's kind of being out here

Friday.

So cool. Hopefully I'll be able to see her

Yeah, come over and give her a hug.

Yeah, I think I think I don't I she hasn't

do you haven't made confirmed solid plans?

But we were talking about it last weekend.

I said, you know, I moved in I feel like

I got some place for you to be so cool Yeah,

my mom went to see her mom

Oh yeah. So I don't get to see my mom. Her

mom is old and she's my, she's a great, my

mom's mom is, she's what they would call

my grandmother. So my godmother. Okay. So

in the Catholic church, you get baptized

and you get godparents. So my grandma and

grandpa and my mom's mom and dad are my godparents.

Okay. And in the, you know, that's kind of

like puts you in the Prince Yeah, because

not everybody gets to be you know, your grandparents.

Oh, yeah God's son. So they always my siblings

would always tease me that I was the the

chosen choice So Yeah, so misty's out of

town this weekend. So that'd be good. I'll

be bachelor in it this weekend So I hate

being by myself at the house. So I'll probably

just train a bunch and work on my bus a little

bit and Yeah, you'll have your mom here and

the kids here.

Yeah, but you potentially yeah, I think you

know It's gonna be a tight quarter. So they

all they all show up. My kids will head back

probably Sunday, oh, you know, so sure you

have to work. I do The rink has been kicking

my butt lately. Yeah.

Yeah, I got the work work at the work and

then so let's see here coming up in three

months and Man that big announcement of Anthony.

That's a big one. That was a huge one I mean

that alone is probably worth the price of

admission. So Anthony Pagano Instagram original

kid I'll put that on there for the when we

release this He got a fight. He agreed to

a fight to to a jiu-jitsu fight and I Soon

as we announced it. I mean I got so many

people like what he's fighting I don't think

he had competed since maybe blue belt or

purple belt and I mean he was a high-level

wrestler in high school a High-level jujitsu

guy black belt. That's his is by far The

toughest and the biggest monster I've ever

rolled with yeah, and when he decides to

go I think please don't rip my arm off. Please

don't rip my head off. So I Yeah. So that

was a huge announcement. That was so fun

to get that going on. And yeah, we have that

in July 19th, 20th and 21st. And then, um,

man train hard and try to limit the distractions,

try to keep growing and keep seeing where

things are going with life and. I'm grateful

for sharing your story with us. Sharing that

episode was cool. I appreciate that. I appreciate

you putting it out there. We weren't sure

if we were going to put it out there, but

I'm really glad that you did and I appreciate

it.

Yeah, I think at the end it was the right

thing to do. I think we're here to be honest,

to be genuine, and you have to, sometimes

you have to share that you've succumbed to

the vices. Like by no means are we perfect.

By no means are we perfect, right? We're

men just like anyone else. I think the reason

we do this is because we want to create a

common unity. We want to share our voice

and just be like, it's okay to be. It's okay

to just be. It's okay to be a wreck sometimes.

It's okay to be a mess. It's okay to look

for help. It's okay to ask for help. It's

okay to. you know, to feel. And so that comes

with being a little bit vulnerable and just

putting yourself out there and sharing your,

truly sharing your story. You guys have seen

it all, man. You guys have seen it all. I've,

uh, not, not very much I haven't shared with

this group here. So yeah. Cool. Yeah, on

that note, man, cheers. Thank you for all

the listeners. Feel free to check us out

on the socials and welcome to the new podcast

home. Hopefully you enjoy it.

Thanks for sharing time with us. Yeah. Cheers,

guys.