Brotherhood, Boundaries, and Becoming Better Men
Welcome to The Lost Boy Scouts podcast. What episode are we on? Do you know?
Tyler:I stopped counting.
Danny:30 I think we're, like, at 30
Tyler:30 something?
Danny:38. 38? 38. Wow, dude. Yeah.
Danny:What a crazy
Tyler:Sounds about right.
Danny:That's insane. Yeah. It's getting a little cold in Utah.
Tyler:It's it is. I'm digging the hat.
Danny:Thank you. Yeah.
Tyler:Digging the hat.
Danny:I'm, yeah, I like I like wearing my cowboy hats every once in a while.
Tyler:Yeah. Fits in with the community.
Danny:Yeah. Figured I'd, I I I like driving around with it sometimes, and, I was born in Texas, if you didn't know that. Oh. Yeah.
Tyler:Okay.
Danny:My dad was in the military. And I'm sorry. I have to hang now. That's the worst. Bothered me, and I've I just barely found it.
Danny:And then I, like, now I'm gonna, like Just be stuck on it. You know?
Tyler:I had one of my I had one of my toe that got infected after Wednesday.
Danny:Oh, no way.
Tyler:Yeah. I've been pouring, stuff on it. It's actually good now. Like but Wednesday after Wednesday, it was, like, super sore because
Danny:Yeah. You know,
Tyler:they kinda bleed and then
Danny:Wednesday was insane.
Tyler:It was tough.
Danny:Wednesdays have turned out to be really heavy hitters. Yeah. Lots of energy. Yeah. Usually about 4 or 5 black belts on the mat Yes.
Danny:Plus, plus all the other Yeah. Monsters that come in. And 17, I think they said 18 people, 20 rounds, and not one easy round. Then you look at yourself and you're looking across and you're like, fuck. Yeah.
Danny:Am I the easy round?
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. You know? Right.
Danny:Damn. Am I the easy round? That's when you're like, you have to, like, look within yourself and be like, gosh, man. I gotta dig deep. Right?
Danny:Yeah. But it actually was fun. I mean, I was really sore. I could my forearms, like, my forearms are sore. My hands are sore.
Danny:Oh, everything. How about you?
Tyler:Everything. Yeah. Everything was sore. I could not walk Thursday. So I I had an incident a week ago Monday rolling with Nick Howlett.
Danny:Okay.
Tyler:You know, I got into a good position. I caught him in turtle, and I'm like, cool. I've been wanting to try this Armin guillotine that professor showed a few weeks ago. I don't often usually, I'm the one in turtle.
Danny:Yeah. Yeah. Usually, I'm
Tyler:the one turtled up. Hiding. Yeah. Please don't kill me. Yeah.
Tyler:And I'm like, okay. This is a great time. You know, Nick's not a small cat. No. He's he's he's a he's
Danny:Leg like tree trunk.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. And and we're not to say he I'm not saying he's he's fat, but he's, like, he's built. He's stocky. He's, like Yeah.
Danny:He's thick.
Tyler:Corn corn fed, you know, hunk of beef there. Yeah. Masculine beef. Yeah. And so, you know, you you do this where you, like, shove your arm in and you break you pull back the arm.
Tyler:And I went to pull back his arm and it just didn't budge. It just didn't budge. It was like
Danny:He didn't move at all.
Tyler:Yeah. Imagine, like, going out to, like, a big thick tree and trying to, like, just push it over.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:And that's about what it was like. And I was like, well, shit. I think I need to hit the weights a little bit. And because, I mean, height wise, we're about the same height. Like, shoulder like, he's, you know, he's just he's just hardy.
Tyler:He's, like, very hardy. He's yeah. And so I've been trying to incorporate more weights into my into my just overall health care.
Danny:And you did weights on
Tyler:I did weights on Monday Wednesday this week, and the way it just worked out with my work schedule, the way I went down, it was like, that was those were also the days I rolled. So Thursday was like, I can't move. I was like, the 10, man. I needed oil oiling, and I'm still still a little weak. So if anybody out there, like, does, like, legs a lot and can tell me, like, am I lifting too heavy?
Tyler:Yeah. Is that why I can't walk for 3 days, or is it just because I'm just out of practice?
Danny:I might be able to get a belt. Right?
Tyler:I'd love to know. Yeah. It probably is. So but it has. It was been it's been some monster monster days.
Danny:Yeah. And, everybody's getting ready for the belt test, which means, like, you know, there's a lot of things going on in the academy. So you have, like, a lot of stuff happening. You have, like, a little groups that are training here, little groups that are doing things that they need to take care of for the belt testing. And so you can feel the buzz of the gym is starting to get to that.
Danny:Yeah. Next Saturday is the belt test, and there is gonna be so much so much new color going on at the academy. You know?
Tyler:I know.
Danny:And, what what a crazy way to, like, think about things because, like, there's always progression. Right? Yeah. And you can always see progression. You can always see, like, how things are are progressing.
Danny:You can see with people, how they're progressing. You can see the people that are going to class
Tyler:Mhmm.
Danny:That are trusting the moves, and you can see the people that are watching YouTube
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Thinking that that's the way that the training goes. Right? You know, as a as a newly minted blue belt, technically new in your journey. Right? Right.
Danny:If you don't go to class, if you don't stay at open mat, it feels kind of like you're always rusty. Yeah. When you are consistent, it feels like you're ahead of the game. Right? Mhmm.
Danny:You're you're part of the you're part of the progression.
Tyler:Yeah. Even getting that 3rd or 4th day in. Right? If if I train 2 days a week, I feel like, okay. I'm maintaining.
Danny:Sure.
Tyler:3 days, okay. I'm progressing.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:You know, 4 days, like, I'm really progressing.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:But, like, if I'm just hitting one day a week, if I'm not consistent 2 2 days a week, I do feel like I'm I'm backsliding.
Danny:Yeah. It's kinda like that in life too. Right? Like, if you're if you're present for all of your things. And so with the new color and all that stuff, there's gonna be I feel like, again, our academy is gonna kinda level up again.
Danny:Mhmm. And I wonder, like, how it's going to see because we're about to have 6 black belts under, professor.
Tyler:That's so awesome.
Danny:Black belts.
Tyler:That's so awesome.
Danny:Which is insane.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:You know, I was with him when he didn't have one black belt that was technically under him.
Tyler:Right?
Danny:And, yeah, and, you know, I mean, by the time this comes out, we'll be, you know, we'll be getting ready for that because it it comes out on my birthday the day after your birthday. Right? And so, yeah, it's kind of exciting to see what's gonna happen. And can we keep, the people that we have here, you know, and keep the keep the keep the excitement? I feel like the community is pretty good right now.
Danny:Our women's program, I think we have 10 women that are training. That's awesome. Built the I built the group. You know, I have my group chat text. And I was like, man, we have 10 women that are on this group that train, you know, and that's really kinda cool.
Danny:That's, like, how you know your gym is healthy if you like, a healthy women's program. You know? Yeah.
Tyler:I mean, it also says that the standard of the gym is really high because it's clean because I wouldn't imagine that, like
Danny:And the dudes are nice and
Tyler:the
Danny:dudes are, like, gentle Yeah. Monsters, you know, like,
Tyler:you
Danny:know, to take it easy. What's, what's new on your plate this last week? Anything crazy?
Tyler:Yes and no. Yes. What do I wanna what do I wanna share? Right? Like, what do I wanna share?
Tyler:I I feel like yeah. I in in a lot of ways, there's been a lot of craziness. Mhmm. At the same time, I have to, like I mean, I think you gave me some great advice in the midst of the chaos. Yeah.
Tyler:Like, what is my part? And I think my part is what I feed it. And, like, so, you know, I probably will refrain from sharing too much, but I I realize I've been I've been feeding some bad habits and some addiction.
Danny:Yeah. As we go on, I'll probably pull a little bit out of it because I because I think it will be really important for us both to share some some personal experiences with
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:With the topic tonight. Yeah. Yeah.
Tyler:I think my biggest thing is I just wanna be careful of of the other parties affected.
Danny:Sure. And and Well, use it as, like, your friend.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This person I know.
Danny:Yeah. This person I know.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, yeah, it's really been a week of, like, I've just been feeling like I I felt this week that I really had to just kinda sit with myself.
Danny:Oh, yeah.
Tyler:I had to sit with myself in the silence because I've been feeling like for the past couple weeks, if I'm not moving, that I'm stagnating and that I'm, like that I'm getting far behind and that, like, I'm not progressing where I want to progress my goals, and that it's led me to kind of, like, some kind of frantic moments. So, like, really intentionally, like, slowing myself down. Yeah. Intentionally slowing myself down. And and, you know, generally, what that looks like is that I will, you know, I'll focus on work.
Tyler:I I had to, you know, double down on focusing on myself, hence the the working out. Like, there's some, unfortunately, some some young ladies that I had to cut out of my life because I'm like, I just It's just not
Danny:part of the process. It's just not part of the journey.
Tyler:Not part of the journey that I need right now. I still feel like I have a ton of emotional residue stuck to me, which sucks. It's been two and a half years, and I would like nothing more than to, you know, scrub that bong out, if you will.
Danny:Clean out the water.
Tyler:Yeah. Just rinse out that water and,
Danny:like Damn. The residue is not fun anymore.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That residue is is yucky, and it tastes disgusting. In a lot of ways, I feel like I hit
Danny:It's moldy.
Tyler:Yeah. A rock bottom there. Yeah. And and I I also just kinda coming into some acceptance that, like, oh, wait. This isn't like like separating love from an emotional residue
Danny:Oh, sure.
Tyler:From, like, an emotional addiction to something.
Danny:Yeah. Sure.
Tyler:And and really, like, working with my therapist and working with my men's group to kind of, like, talk through some of these things and reframe some of these things that I classified as love.
Danny:And
Tyler:I think that's why the young ladies get cut because I'm like, I'm not in a place where I'm actually can feel that for very many people.
Danny:Right. I understand that. Like, it would be really hard to to be in that to be in that position. Right? Because, as you progress as you progress, as you move on in your life and you see you're like, man, I'm doing all these great things.
Danny:Man, I'm doing all these great things. You sometimes forget to see what you're actually doing
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And what part you play in, like, some of those contentious Yeah. Situations. Right?
Tyler:Yes.
Danny:That's that's for me sure me, man. Like, that's the things that I struggle with is if I'm in the fight Mhmm. I care about what I care about.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Right? Yeah. If I'm in the fight, I care about what I care about. Mhmm. And and if if it's what I care about, I care about it.
Danny:Mhmm. It may not align with what you care about, but if you're in the fight, you care about what you care about. Yeah. And finding that common ground of, like, okay. I can see your point.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And I can put my my own wants and needs aside for a second.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:I can see your point, and then we can make progress. Usually, what happens is, for me, personally, I'm in the fight. Yep. I care about what I care about. I don't care what you care about.
Danny:Mhmm. And now I've attached myself to these feelings for me. Yes. And then what happens? You go into self preservation, self protection.
Danny:Right? Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, well, you don't give a shit about what I'm going through, so guess what? I don't give a shit what you're going through.
Tyler:Yep. Yep.
Danny:You know? And that's where I think men especially especially because a lot of times, it's like banging your head against the wall. Right? Yep. Banging your head against the wall and hoping for another outcome other than a sore head.
Danny:Yeah. You know, like, I can get through this concrete.
Tyler:Yeah. One of my favorite Instagram accounts, the holistic therapist, she posted something just recently. Like and it resonated so deeply with me after this last couple weeks. It it was, healthy people will walk away from situations that are where they're not receiving what they need from the relationship. Yeah.
Tyler:And unhealthy people will sit and beg for that kind of that Yeah.
Danny:You're looking for that. Yeah. Validation and acceptance
Tyler:of Yeah.
Danny:Look at what I'm doing. Right. What I need. Right. Why can't you help me, like, save me, protect me?
Danny:Like, I need all these things from you, and you're, like, not doing shit. I just
Tyler:want that. Yeah.
Danny:You know?
Tyler:Yeah. So so going back and examining the wound a little bit and saying, like, what is this that I'm really feeling?
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:And, like, what does this really mean? And, like, again, like, you if you fool me right, like, I especially, like, in a, like, a long term relationship, like, I have to then go back and, like, reframe a lot of things. Sure. Am I really as gullible as, like, I I think I am? Like
Danny:understand. Yeah.
Tyler:You know what I mean? Like Yeah. I have to, like it's it's not just a shame on you. It's a shame on me too. And I'm like, I have to, like, completely reevaluate the situation.
Tyler:Right?
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:And I have to and and if I go back and I do that reframing and I actually can build a different structure of the relationship because of that reframing, you know, it's it's entirely possible that there is a completely different relationship on the outside Sure.
Danny:Of of
Tyler:that of that reframing.
Danny:And and from the outsider looking in, like, you can see, you know, there's always your side, my side, the real side. Yeah. Right? Your story, my story, then the Absolutely. I think about that a lot when I'm, when I'm in a in a fight with somebody that, 1, I may not care about, 2, I have no intention to care about, and 3, probably don't really care if it progresses.
Danny:Yeah. It's your side, my side, and then the truth. Right?
Tyler:Yep.
Danny:Now going to the people that I really care about, there's definitely your side. There's definitely my side, and I wanna find out how we can find common.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Like, let's get to a point where we can I care about what you care about? You care about what I care about, and now we can work to the middle Right. And find some of that. Part of that problem is is, like, what if the person on the other end is in that that idea of, like, I don't care about what you care about. You know?
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You get into this, like, when arguing with an idiot, make sure he's not doing the same thing.
Tyler:The same thing. Yeah. Yeah. You're you're right. The easy round?
Tyler:Yeah. I didn't fight the easy round. Yeah. I think that's so true, Danny. I think you there are some relationships where you find that, hey.
Tyler:This is worth investing in.
Danny:Investing in.
Tyler:And that's where I step back and I get curious. Right? I seek to understand rather than be an than to be understood.
Danny:Sure.
Tyler:And that is some place I'd like to be. And, unfortunately, for me, in in certain particular relationships, I am still stuck almost as an addictive cycle in the dopamine hit I get from
Danny:Attacking.
Tyler:Attacking. And it's been years worth of years worth of decades of it. Like, my mom and I, like, we still go at each other. Like, I'm a teenager and she's, you know, the my mom, and we're we're now at a level where we're we're peers. Right?
Tyler:So
Danny:Yeah. I I talk a lot about that. My mom, as you know, my mom had a stroke Yeah. Last so the today is Friday. It it's started to present itself, I guess, last Friday, so about a week ago.
Danny:Saturday was when it really happened. And it brought into context a lot of things because my brothers and sisters and I I with my brothers and sisters especially, like, we fight, but I always think, well, we're brothers and sisters. Like, I really don't care how mad you are. Mhmm. When shit hits the fan, you're gonna be there for me.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:With my mom, especially, I know, like, if something happens to my mom, my brothers and sisters, we rally we rally to my mom because she's alone. Yeah. She, ruminates about a lot of things, and I had think I have that.
Tyler:Yeah. Bless her heart. I have that as well.
Danny:She ruminates. Yeah. Ruminates. Like, if it if she's struggling in it, I know. Mhmm.
Danny:I know she's struggling in it because everything that she's doing, everything that she's posting
Tyler:Mhmm.
Danny:Everything she's talking about, everything she's texting me about when we have conversations, it always revolves back to what I can tell she's ruminating about. And I think I have that where I ruminate about things. You know? I I, get stuck in my head. I play out conversations.
Danny:I play out scenarios
Tyler:Mhmm.
Danny:Of how things could go better, how things could go worse, and then worst case scenario, best case scenario, and I'll do it for days on end about something that I'm ruminating about. Yeah. You know? And and when when that happened last Saturday, you know, my brothers and sisters and I got together, and there were some things, some contention that we had to talk about. Mhmm.
Danny:You know, some some just to make sure that we were always on the same page, but also, like, some things that they felt that I had done, you know, that I've done in our relationships. And I listened to them. I could have, you know, pointed my finger back at them. Well, okay. Well, what about when you did this?
Danny:But I just listened to them, and I always told them, like, okay. Cool. Like, I understand that, but it's what you care about.
Tyler:Mhmm.
Danny:Like, for instance, I care about calling you for your birthday. Like, I care about calling each of their kids for their birthday. And this is how I presented it. I said, I care about what I care about that. But if you don't and if you don't call my kids for my birthday, I get upset about that.
Danny:Yeah. Because that's what I care about. Right?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And that's where it's you look at that and you reframe it, and you're like, well, you can bicker about that. We could fight about the fact that I do this. You don't. Now I'm gonna be mad at you, and then you've what happens? Tit for tat.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:We start keeping score
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Of what each other's not doing, not not of what each other's doing. Yeah. Right? And when you ruminate over those scorekeeping things and you start to play out scenarios of what you could, what you will, what you should do, the score just starts to, like, really
Tyler:Right.
Danny:Tally up. Nothing's even happening.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:I'm not fighting anymore with them.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:But in my head, I've ruminated. I'm keeping score. I'm keeping track of what they haven't done instead of keeping track of what they have done. Right. And when we got to the bottom of that, all of my, you know, my brothers and sisters, we we were both we we all could understand, like, at the end of the day, we want what's best for each other.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:Right? We want what's best for my mom because she's single.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Right? So we have this common we have this common thing that we're that we can. Plus, we want our families to be able to get together without contention. Right?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And so we did walk away from there with really good knowledge of each other and the understanding that while we say we're gonna wipe the slate clean, there's still gonna be things that, like, let's say tomorrow, they don't call my kids for the birthday. Yeah. Now all of a sudden, I'm like, woah. Back to square 1.
Tyler:I can't just Yeah.
Danny:I just told you that you you this bothered me now. Yeah. What the what the shit. Right? As opposed to just being like, no.
Danny:It's okay. Like, we're gonna make progress. We talked about it. It may not change overnight.
Tyler:Yeah. But
Danny:we're gonna make progress. Right?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And that's easy when you do it with a loved one.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:But what about with somebody that you just, man, you love, but, oh, there's just so much contention there?
Tyler:It's it's that's where you're it's so interesting that you say that you're a ruminator because I'm definitely a ruminator myself. Like and I will get to those points, where I'm like, fuck it. Burn the ships. Like, I've already gone through every scenario. Right?
Tyler:Like Yeah. It's like, did you ever see that War Games with, with, like, that old eighties?
Danny:I think I have.
Tyler:Yeah. Matthew Broderick. Right. Right? And they get the they get the computer to play TikTok Yeah.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. Itself. Yeah. And it finally realizes, yeah, that's what I'm doing with these arguments in my head.
Tyler:Right? Like, I'm, like, computing them all out and tallying shit up, and it it creates an enormous cognitive load, which then the next time you have to interact with that person, your brain has already exhausted itself on the conversation. So you're just that much more
Danny:And your fuse is so
Tyler:soft. It just shortens your fuse. Right? So, yeah, I think it's important to to, to, to take, take a step back and I'm, this is gonna be one of those points where I'm gonna say, like, I'm learning. Right.
Tyler:And I think I have some solid advice and I'm, I'm giving solid advice to myself as much as I'm sharing it with, with other people. But like, you have to take a step back and just get curious, get curious. And how powerful is it? Like when you see that, I like to think of like a pride of like lions. Right?
Tyler:Right. Like when you see like the the the, you know, the king of the lion pack. Right? Like, there may be other male lions around that are doing things or or other things, and he doesn't care until he cares.
Danny:Till he cares.
Tyler:Until he cares. Yeah. Right? And and it's typically gonna be something that, you know, it really gets to him that that he cares. Right?
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:And so how do I get like that? How do I how do I become that mentality where, you know, you've you've you've said this mean thing, you said that mean thing, and I just kinda like, okay. Whatever. Yeah. Okay.
Tyler:Yeah. You know?
Danny:Yeah. And, man, my personal experience with, those things comes from finding solace in being able to be like, this is these are the things that I really care about.
Tyler:Yes.
Danny:And if I and and I really care about them, and I will share them with you. I don't share them with everybody. Yeah. You know, not everybody gets to see where my goat is tied up.
Tyler:Yes. Right? Because, like Yeah.
Danny:Man, sometimes if somebody knows where your goat is tied, and that's kinda one of those funny things where, like, where my goat is tied, that's where, like, if you start teasing me about something, and I've just told you that, and it starts to get under my skin.
Tyler:If I exploit that.
Danny:And now all of a sudden, you're like, keep going. Keep going. And now I'm like, okay. Well, I'm gonna lose my patience. Right?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:I don't show very many people that. I don't talk a lot about those to very many people because for 1, you have to really be in my inner circle to understand those things. 2, if you if you I'll give you a pass first. Right?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:2nd, I don't really give too many passes. Yeah. 3rd, I start to pull myself away from the relationship. Yeah. You know, I don't I'm not gonna play those games anymore.
Danny:Yeah. But if we both understand that and we both tease each other the same way, like, it's okay. Like Yeah. We'll tease each other. Yeah.
Danny:You know? But I know that we have a solid relationship. Yeah. Right? Even if I tell you, hey.
Danny:That hurt my feelings, you're gonna be like, no, man. I get that.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Tyler:No. I think that that that's interesting. I think we did that episode on kind of being vulnerable and and sharing those vulnerabilities. And I think it's definitely something that's hard for men to do. I do think it's important that we have kind of an inner circle of men, but I do I also think it's equally as important that it's small.
Tyler:Right? Like, you can have a big group of friends. I am just to a point where I don't trust a lot of relationships personally
Danny:Personally.
Tyler:Yeah. Because of how my relationships have turned out.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:Some of that, I have had to go in and say, like, okay. What in what in me is wounded that I need to heal so that I can now, strengthen my relationship with this person?
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:Right? You know? In a in a lot of cases, it's it it stems back to my childhood abandonment, my childhood trauma, those type of things that that were honest honestly somewhat subconsciously learned, but are manifesting them or man excuse me, manifesting in maladaptive behavior in in my relationships now.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:But I'm I'm I'm fully with you. Right? Like, there are it is I think it's important to keep your circle tight.
Danny:For sure. And learn how to man, when you have to be brutally honest with somebody Right. You have to tell them Yes. And we had this conversation where I was like, hey, Tyler. Just so we're clear.
Danny:Like Mhmm. I I'm not I I I don't wanna be a part of that.
Tyler:Mhmm.
Danny:I don't wanna be a part of that thing, and here's why. Yeah. And you've had to be like, hey, man. I'm Danny, like, I'm not cool with that. Like, I'm not okay with that.
Danny:And we both have had to when you have those, like, clear cut conversations with another man, you look him in his eye and be like, hey. I'm not cool with that. Mhmm. And here's why. Yep.
Danny:And if that person then goes, hey. I got you.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:I understand. Noted. Do it. I will fix on what I'm fixing on. I will work on what I'm working on.
Tyler:Mhmm.
Danny:And you will know that I'm that I understand where you're coming from.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:Now it's not one of those, like, next time it happens, You know, you have to still kinda give that person a pass because they're learning. Right?
Tyler:Yeah. And So let me sorry to interrupt, though, but what what is your what it because because to me, like, what are your indications that somebody's actually working on it? Because to me, like, I my thought is action is always more
Danny:100%.
Tyler:More more valuable than words. I I definitely there's a lot of people that will throw words at you, but, like, never back it up with action. And so if, you know, if I if I slip, but you see that I'm making, you know, progress through action, right, it's okay to slip up. You can you can have those conversations to a point. Right?
Tyler:Or or I think
Danny:you know right away. I think Yeah. Honestly, here's how I believe, honestly. I think you already have an indication of the person prior to that misstep. Yeah.
Danny:Prior to it. Right? You're like, okay. I'm gonna share some information with this person, and maybe that person maybe, like, a couple of days later, like, somebody asked you a question, you're like, okay. The only person the only way that you knew that is if that person told you.
Danny:Like Yeah. You know, that's the one indication of if they're a gossip. Right? If they're a talker. Right?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:The other thing is if automatically, you are a good read on person. Mhmm. You're a good read on people. Right? If you give that person a couple passes, right, and they continue to make progress, it you may have to give them a pass in a different area.
Danny:Mhmm. Right? But you've already know. You've already got a read on that person that they want. They want to be better.
Danny:They want to to improve their life. Right? If that person has given you an icky feeling from the get go Mhmm. Constantly gives you icky feelings from what they do
Tyler:Mhmm.
Danny:Right? And you're like, oh, man. Oh, that kinda caught me off guard. Yeah. What happens, I think, in my opinion, is you just start to withdraw Yeah.
Danny:From that relationship. They may not even know that you're withdrawing from the relationship. Mhmm. This is really important with women. Yeah.
Danny:Really important as a man with women. As a married man as a married man. Right? My if if I have, you know, I have, like, friendships with women. Right?
Danny:Friendships with them. My wife has friendships with men. If we start to get icky feelings with like, oh, that kind of caught us off guard.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Could you imagine if I continue the relationship and my wife was like, hey. I already told you, like, I don't like that. My wife is gonna see right through that. Right?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Right through that.
Tyler:Yeah. I think that's a a really great point. I think those relationships with the opposite sex like, I think it's funny. I don't know. Do you remember, was it Mike Pence when he was running for president with Trump?
Tyler:They were giving him shit for, like, not having lunch with with another woman. And it's it's certainly something I probably wouldn't do if I were in a relationship. Right? Like, it does kinda start setting a standard.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:You know, we I might get mocked and, like, I might get mocked for that, but I I honestly don't think that there's anything anything wrong with that. I think you wanna avoid situations where, you know, if you something could be perceived as bad because I'm not worried about what I'm gonna do.
Danny:Sure.
Tyler:I'm completely in control of my actions, right, and and willing to take accountability for my actions. But there is an aspect of how do people out there perceive things and how are things perceived. So, you know, you're walking through the gym. You know, if you were walking through the gym and and some some pretty young thing comes up and talks to you, Danny, and it got back to Misty, right, like, it it may have been innocent, but the way whoever perceives that Perceived. Yeah.
Tyler:It could it could totally, you know, throw a wrench in your relationship.
Danny:So Perception is 3 tenths of the law.
Tyler:So 4 tenths of the law. Yeah. Yeah.
Danny:You know? I agree. And, yeah, you you always wanna make sure that, like, you set clear boundaries Yeah. Clear boundaries with yourself, clear boundaries with your relationships. Yeah.
Danny:Especially for me, like, I don't bring a lot of, you know, random people around my family. Mhmm. I don't bring a lot of random people. Most of the people that I bring around my family are friends. Yeah.
Danny:Really, really good friends. Yeah. I don't have a lot of people over in my house because I never wanna make Misty uncomfortable. I never wanna make, you know, my kids uncomfortable. So if you I get a weird feeling from you, you are never getting an interview like my house.
Tyler:See, I I totally agree. I kinda feel like what I've noticed is that people that are insecure people that are insecure, they will gossip. 1, because they need to gossip so that they feel important, and it's because they don't know how important they are. Like, they haven't built a self love or a self, version of themselves that loves themselves. Right?
Tyler:So they gossip because they want to be in the thick of things. 2, fake people, they have a certain vibe. You can fake a vibe, only for so long. Sure. Right?
Tyler:And and and fake people will typically have large transient populations as friends. Sure. People coming in and out I agree. Constantly changing friends. Like, one of the things I pride myself on is, like, I'm still friends with the kids I was friends with in high school.
Danny:Same.
Tyler:Like, granted we're not, like, super tight homies. Like, we're not hanging out every weekend, but, like, we're still in a text chain together. We still send each other memes from time to times. You know what I mean? And and these are guys that I trust, I grew up with, and our lives have all kinda gone different directions.
Tyler:We all have our own families and, you know, we've gotten together for a few guide trips. And and and I think that that that's important. I'm like you. I think that, you know, real people will intentionally have tight circles Yep. Be just because they know they know the consequences of
Danny:And they'll know what what your what you what like, you'll have similar things where you're like, that person caught me off. That person rubbed me the wrong way. Yes. And we'll both feel that way.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And we'll both start to put the our women and children towards the middle because we're like, hey, man. That guy is giving me the wrong vibe. Right? And so we'll do that when we're out amongst the amongst the regular people. Yeah.
Danny:Right? You'll start to do that kind of stuff. Yeah. Another clear boundary that I put on myself. Like, if it's a serious conversation, I don't have a serious conversation with a person of the opposite sex Yeah.
Danny:Unless it's my wife. Yeah. Like, if there's a person that has an issue with me or that wants to ask me questions, I don't respond to them. Yeah. Because I think you may not like my tone when I snap off at you.
Danny:So I may ask you, hey. Do you have like, are you married? Or, like, is your husband around? Or Mhmm. Is your dad around?
Danny:Or, hey. What if my wife what if my wife spoke to you as opposed to me speaking to you? Because I say a lot of swear words. Mhmm. I have a very gruff personality sometimes, especially if you've caught me off guard in a situation that I'm not comfortable with.
Danny:Right? And that has happened where I've had to be like, hey, man. Like, stop there. I don't wanna have this conversation with you.
Tyler:Yeah. It's just it's just easier to to, like, avoid the conversation all the not necessarily avoid the conversation, but, like, redirect the energy. Right? Like, you've got to you've gotta question somebody's intention if they reach out to you. You know, I certainly I certainly have friends that are married, and I I I it's the same way at work.
Tyler:Like, I didn't even there's this connotation that you have, like, when you go to a corporate job. It was funny. You know, I work with people of the opposite sex in the corporate world all the time. Right? And, when I was married, like, somebody coined me their work husband, and I was like, no.
Tyler:I'm I'm actually not really cool with that. Like
Danny:like Yeah.
Tyler:We we work well together in, like, this, like Yeah. Corporate experience, but, like, I don't really want that, like, kind of connotation that, like, I'm your work husband. Right? Like and we can even be good friends, but, like, still, like, to me, there's a boundary there. Like, this whole bullshit around work husband or work wife, you know, I think it's just I I think it's a lack of knowing yourself and a lack of under like, having real boundaries.
Danny:Well and I think, like, you know, if you put that out there and let's say your wife's not, like I mean, like, Misty is pretty she is conservative.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Right? And she's very, she she's actually really conservative with things. Yeah. And she sometimes doesn't have the same kinda humor that I have.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:So, like, when somebody said that about like, if somebody said that to me, like Yeah. If she heard that there was a woman at my work that somebody said that's Danny's work wife, my wife would be like, holy I mean, I would be that's that's not that is a clear boundary that my wife does not play.
Tyler:Would she take it out on you, or would she
Danny:probably both. Yeah. But my wife is also, like she's very aggressive towards if you have hurt our relationship, her relationship, or her, she she'll let you know. She's not afraid to let you know. You know?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And I've had to remind her, like, you can't go at a man like that. Like, you're not you you can't go at a man like that. You can't like, because if that dude is not, like, cool with that and he snaps off at you, now I'm for sure getting involved. Right? Yeah.
Danny:I'm for sure getting involved. Yeah. Right? And I have that understanding because there are boundaries that I have. Yeah.
Danny:Right? And my rumination that I'll do, I'll play that fight out of my head. Mhmm. You know? I will play that fight out
Tyler:of my
Danny:head of if somebody hurts Misty's feelings or, like, if I if we've, gotten to a point where, like, somebody's hurt both of our feelings, you know, and Yeah. Now we're both, like, wanting to fight. Mhmm. I'll I'll play those things out of my head, and now I'm like, when I see that person or I'm around that person, I'm sure they feel my energy that I'm Yeah. Cool with them.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:You know? Yeah. I've I've I I think that when you're working on yourself and you're going through all man, you're like, man, I'm I'm trying to progress mine. I'm trying
Tyler:to progress.
Danny:Regression is such a normal part of that life. Regression from, like, you're I'm I'm doing good. I'm doing good. I'm feeling good. Something triggers me.
Danny:Fuck. I'm so far backwards. How did I get so far back? How did I end up how does it like, I'm in the same spot that I was a year ago? Yeah.
Danny:And I think that's where men, especially men, start to really struggle. Oh, for sure. I definitely in a regression.
Tyler:Yeah. I definitely get really hard on myself. One little one little trip up, and I'm like, god. What the hell? Why am I trip up.
Tyler:Why am I why do I feel like I haven't progressed at all? And, again, it's partially me not seeing the progress. Right? This progress progress in life is slow. A lot of progress in life is slow.
Danny:So slow.
Tyler:And and and that's okay. Right? Like, it it that's you you can go out there and you can bust ass and you can make a ton of progress, but, like, real real good quality progress is is is fairly incremental, fairly
Danny:And you don't see a single thing about it.
Tyler:And you very rarely see it.
Danny:People around you see it. Yeah. It's just like jiu jitsu.
Tyler:Yeah. Exactly. You know? It is. It is.
Tyler:It's it is exactly like that.
Danny:Nobody's giving you a stripe in
Tyler:life. Right.
Danny:You know? But you can but you can see progression.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So being kind to myself and realizing that, like, sometimes you fall into those bad habits just because there's like that attachment to the, the dopamine hit. I need the dopamine hit.
Tyler:Right. Like I need the dopamine hit of it's like, it's like when you quit smoking or, you know what I mean? Like you get
Danny:anything out of your life. That's made you feel good for so long, but really is bad for you?
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Your brain is it kinda gets hardwired to it.
Tyler:That's why I get so pissed that I ruminate because I know that my brain is building those patterns, and I'm like, I don't want my brain to build those patterns. I know it's not helpful for me to ruminate.
Danny:We've had conversations where you've said, like, that addiction. I'm I mean, I feel like I'm addicted to this. Mhmm.
Tyler:I
Danny:feel like I'm addicted to this. And there's times when I'm like, I don't know what you mean by that. Mhmm. Until I put it into perspective of that fact of, like, man, like an addict
Tyler:Mhmm.
Danny:Something. Right? They're doing all this great stuff. They're doing this 12 step program. They're doing this 30 day coin, 90 day coin, 120 day coin.
Danny:Take a drink. Man.
Tyler:Boom. Right.
Danny:Was even a none of none of it even existed. Yep. None of it even existed at that point. Yep. That is how bad, like, right, some of that addiction.
Tyler:Oh, absolutely.
Danny:I'm sure, like, porn for men, man, if if you are if you I I can only imagine what it's like to be you know, because that dopamine hunt, hit from porn is real.
Tyler:And it's twice it's twice it's twice the load. Right?
Danny:And if you are, like Twice ruined. Yeah. Sorry. Literally.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah.
Danny:Yeah. If you're if you're if you are like, if it's ruined your life, and I know guys that it it has ruined their life.
Tyler:Have you have you sorry. I'm not I'm not gonna get a detract too much, but, like, have you and Misty gotten into the the Real Housewives, or No. Those are secret lives of Mormon Wives?
Danny:No. Is it good?
Tyler:It is it is, have you ever seen a car accident? Yeah. You know when you're, like, you're about the This is about to happen? Yeah. You're, like, I can't believe this is happening.
Tyler:Yeah. It's like it's like all of those trashy Real Housewives show, except for they've made the, the the women and the couples in it. They're they're now, like, 20 years younger than and have a a lot less. They they still have maybe the same amounts of money, maybe a little bit less money, but, like, it's it is horrific.
Danny:It really is.
Tyler:It really is horrific. Like, I had to watch it, 1, because I'm, like, I wanna see what places what places do I recognize. Like, I recognize the Mercantile there in Midway. They were they they were recorded in.
Danny:No way.
Tyler:Yeah. And some of the places, down in Lehigh where I, where I go where I work, some of the restaurants down there.
Danny:No way. Yeah. Because, like, in the Mormon culture, like, it's a the the people that I know that were, like that it ruined their lives and their marriages, they were Mormon. Yeah. And I was like
Tyler:Oh, it'll kill it'll it'll absolutely kill your marriage.
Danny:Yeah. Could you imagine, like, you've worked on it for so hard, you've worked on it for so long, and all you've done man, one click. Next thing you know, you are full 3 sheets to the win, and you're, like, 100% into this porn Yeah. Thing, and you've it you know you know you know it's going to ruin your life. You know it's going to ruin your marriage, but you still do it anyways.
Tyler:I would challenge I would I put this challenge out there. Like, give me one redeeming quality of porn. Is there one redeeming quality to all of the smut that's out there?
Danny:Man, every you know, the funniest thing I mean, I've told you this before. The funniest thing I've ever heard is the more porn you watch, the smaller your dick gets.
Tyler:It's
Danny:it's true. True. Guys have ginormous wieners.
Tyler:It's true. And that and your, you know, your training your you're training yourself to speed the orgasm. Right? You're you're getting the dopamine hit from constantly being flooded with new. The only redeeming quality is if you're participating in it and making money.
Tyler:And even then, like, there is the amount of drugs and the amount of, like bad. I mean, look at Ron Jeremy. Right? Ron Jeremy was like the, oh, look at look. Look at this guy.
Tyler:He was talk Everybody knew who he was. Right? But you look at him now, and you're like, holy
Danny:I don't think there is. I tell my boys all the time, like, be careful with that stuff, man. Man, know that it's not it's not real. It definitely desensitizes you.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And and and and most drugs desensitize you to things. I think, like, eventually, you do things that you probably would never do in your normal life. To me, that's, like, the ultimate sign up of of a regression. You are you're making so much progress. People see you making progress.
Danny:They don't see what happens behind closed doors. Mhmm. But, eventually, they see it. Right? Eventually, they see it.
Danny:Yeah. And for me, regression when when I'm in a moment of regression, I I'm really hard on myself, and I tend to feel so bad that I, like, turn into this, like, sloppy lovey what please don't catch me. Please please forgive me. Please please let me back to being, like, where we were before because I fucked up so bad. Yeah.
Danny:Sorry about that. Especially when I was drinking heavy. Yeah. When I was drinking heavy, man, I would wake up in the morning, and you'd I'd be like, who do I have to apologize to today? Yeah.
Danny:Who who do I owe an apology to? Right. And I wouldn't remember because I'm I was so drunk the night before. And in my head, I was like, man, I was having a great time. I'm I'm my my stomach hurts.
Danny:I'm sure I was laughing. Right.
Tyler:Well, I
Danny:was probably just puking.
Tyler:Oh, yeah.
Danny:You know?
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah.
Danny:And when I was really happy with hard alcohol, you know, I was like, man, I I would have a good time. I know I was having a good time, but not everybody around me
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:I can assure you they weren't having a good time. I can assure you they were like, which version of Danny are we getting tonight? Are we getting the Danny that's gonna cry? The Danny that was gonna is gonna fight? The Danny that's going to probably, like, do stupid shit that that is gonna be really, really horrible?
Danny:Which version are we getting? And nobody wants to be around that guy.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. I I it's interesting. I just watched this movie, and one of the characters has pulls out his his big this big old bong, and he's like, you wanna if you want to leave now, like, she's talking about leaving this, this, leaving this place. And she's like, he's like, if you want to leave now, I'm taking off right now.
Tyler:And she's like, no, I actually don't like to participate in things that, that keep me from feeling. And I'm like, it's true. A lot of that, a lot of that is a lot of, and it's not just alcohol or substances porn. We're we're we're killing something. We're killing it, feeling we're killing it, feeling how, how.
Tyler:I mean, I, you got, like, if you are a man that is married and you are even casually watching porn, like, what are you, like, what are you numbing? Like, how how good is your relationship?
Danny:Yeah. Right?
Tyler:And you
Danny:can't be honest. Apparently, you can't be honest. You can't. No. You can't talk about what's bothering you or what you need.
Danny:Right. And, honestly, like, you've probably dived so far down that rabbit hole that Yeah. I mean, your wife's probably not gonna fulfill some of those things, you know.
Tyler:You're right. Because they're they're actors. It's it's there's it's, you know, remember when you found out that that WWE, WWF was fake. Right? Like
Danny:No. It's not.
Tyler:All of that stuff is is is it's a show that they put on. Right? And it it's just And you
Danny:don't wanna be you wanna you want to really feel good about yourself. Yeah. And none of that stuff is going to make you feel good for a long term.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:I don't know what I don't know what it is. I I believe that, like, we have this false idea that our lives are supposed to be this perfectly happy, healthy fantasy land
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Of great feelings, of great sex, of great drinking, of great hanging out with your friends all the time, doing all this cool shit all the time. Yeah. For sure. I think that that's part of life. What I also think is that it's bullshit.
Tyler:Yeah. I think a lot of what we're told life should be is is a marketing ploy
Danny:For sure.
Tyler:To get us to buy more stuff.
Danny:More stuff. Yeah.
Tyler:Buy more stuff. Right? Because even you look at the and this is again, this goes back to, like, I've I've tried to create more on Instagram than I consume, but what I have curated on Instagram is very much curated. You are seeing a small sliver. You are seeing a small sliver, and I think that's what's interesting about this TV show.
Tyler:Like, obviously, these these Mormon housewives, like, started a TikTok. Right? So you see the small sliver of TikTok. Now these this population has opened up. You're getting a little bit more behind the scenes.
Tyler:Even the TV show is still very scripted. Right? Like if, if they weren't constantly bitching at each other, complaining, nobody would watch it. Right. So, but you're really only seeing another small sliver, to elicit some sort of emotion.
Tyler:Right. And so I I think you're absolutely right. I I I do think that, like, most of what we're told to be is is what we're told to be. Like, we very rarely do we authentically create, and and you have to be in a very healthy place to authentically create. I'm not saying it's impossible.
Tyler:I think there's people out there by the millions that are authentically creating.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:Some of the most successful people in the world have been able to tap their authentic creation. I love Rob Dyrdek. I don't you know Rob Dyrdek? A famous skateboarder from, you know, the nineties. He's about 50 years old.
Tyler:He was on he was sponsored by DC Shoes. Growing up, like, he wasn't, like,
Danny:the greatest big bladdy. Robbin'
Tyler:Bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Tyler:So he that was his TV show. Yeah. And, like, if you've watched the progression of his career, and I've only kind of watched it because, you know, I grew up kind of in the skating scene in high school and, like, I was always into skaters. You saw him go from the Robin Baid Black where he hires this bodyguard to protect him from skating, and then he goes then he has his his his next show, and then he does this clip show, Ridiculousness.
Danny:Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Tyler:You know, and he has the Fantasy Factory show. And, like, you've seen his life actually, like, really progressing in in his podcast and in his social media stuff. He actually shares a lot about what he's done to kind of, like, get to this authentic place of creation. And, like, for him, it all started around, like, how do I make a career out of skateboarding?
Danny:Right.
Tyler:The same thing with, like, you you know, the guys in jujitsu, they're now, like, trying to authentically make careers in jujitsu. We talked about last week, Chris Jones. We talked about
Danny:Craig Jones.
Tyler:Craig Jones. Excuse me. Craig Jones. Chris Jones is I know who Chris Jones is. Chris, I I mean, you get confused there.
Tyler:Craig Jones with you know, Gordon Ryan. Like, these guys that are authentically trying to to make it in the other fighters, that are that are that are popular out there. Right?
Danny:Yeah. Right now, the jiu jitsu community is up is insane right now. It went bad right now.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:It's not going it's not good right now. There's there's some stuff that's happening in the jiu jitsu community right now that is really bad.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And, I feel bad about it right now. Because I don't know. There's some things that have happened in the last couple of weeks that I'm like, man, I don't know. Like, some of these guys have gotten a little too big for their Yeah. Pitches.
Danny:Yeah. But the authentic ones, those guys that are authentic and when you're around authentic people, yes. For sure. But social media has definitely captured some people, and, they've gone off the deep end on some shit. You know?
Danny:But I think that's in every, aspect Every every genre. Of every genre.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And I think, like you said earlier, we live in this world where we're marketing these marketing tools
Tyler:Right.
Danny:To make us believe that what we're doing is not enough and Yes. That we can that we really can get more. We can find more. It's like
Tyler:you said fuck hustle culture. Man, I used to love Gary v, and I still really do love Gary v.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:But his his hustle and grind and his hustle and grind, like, I get it. He's back east. He's New York. He takes, you know, Wine Library TV from from a $1,000,000 a year to $5,000,000 a year, and, like, kudos to him. Like, I love to look up to him as a mentor, but, like, this hustle hustle and grind culture, like, it's exhausting.
Tyler:And it's
Danny:killing people. It's killing people for sure. You cannot. Like, I tell people all the time, like, no, man. Like, you're you're missing out on things like we've talked about.
Danny:Like, there are things that I will not sacrifice.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:I'm not sacrificing shit for
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:I'm not. I'm not sacrificing.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:You know, I I love I love jiu jitsu. Right. I love it, but I'm not giving up my Saturdays every Saturday to go to do jiu jitsu. I love to to learn more, to be more Mhmm. To do more, but I'm not I'm not sacrificing my mental health just to get tired.
Danny:I already have a busy ass week. Right? And, I think that's part of it is, like, you see progression in either dollar signs, relationships, status symbols. You know? You see that as progression.
Danny:And if you don't see those things, then what you feel like is you are in a regression. You feel like I'm not living up to what my what my expectation is. Right?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And so that's where I say myself personally, I give myself a pass.
Tyler:Mhmm.
Danny:Like, I'm like, man, today, I did not breathe.
Tyler:Mhmm.
Danny:Damn it. That's okay. Yeah. It's okay. I'll I'll tell you this time last year, had I not breathed, I would have been I would have been I would have been furious with myself because I had a goal of 365 days to breathe.
Danny:Now I can give myself a pass. I don't breathe. Like, you know, there's days where I'm like, okay. Today, I don't wake up, and I I I don't feel differently. I feel okay.
Danny:The first time I didn't breathe, and I didn't do a breath work session, I really thought my day is going to be ruined.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:But it wasn't. It was okay, and I thought, okay. I'm good, man. Like but I go back the next day. I do the same.
Danny:I do my routine. I feel great about myself. You give yourself passes. Give yourself, like, man, if you're in a regression, if you feel like you're regression, like like how last week, you know, we were when I was telling you, I was like, man, what part are you playing in this?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Like, are do you have a part in this?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Is sure. I'm here in your side, and I love you.
Tyler:Mhmm.
Danny:I'm gonna be on your side no matter what. Yeah. But let's look at it let's look at it as if I wasn't on your side.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:Let's look at it as if I was the enemy. Right. What would what could I say then? Mhmm. What would I be able to tell you?
Danny:You need to man, stop doing this. Yeah. And then what I would say is, like, if it starts to affect the relationships that you actually care about
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Man, you probably need to change something.
Tyler:Yep. Yeah. No. I think that was the biggest. I I met I met with my I meet weekly with my therapist and my we we have a men's group that we meet every Thursday night.
Tyler:And, of course, I bring, you know, situations to them and we talk about them. And I, for the longest time, have allowed other people's opinions. I I I believed that my value was earned, and I I would because I was told my value was earned. Right? Not just from my my mom, but I think intrinsically in kind of the Mormon culture, you're the provider, and you have to be a big earner.
Tyler:You have to be a 6 figure earner. And I'm like, okay, here I am a 6 figure earner. Why aren't I happy? Right. Right.
Tyler:And so I start to internalize a lot of that stuff. And, and when somebody calls out your, your lack of ambition and I'm like, I have been anything but ambition.
Danny:Value that about yourself. Like that thing where you when I told you, like, this is what I care about. Yeah. Now you just called me out.
Tyler:Exactly. Exactly. I'm the first of my neither of my parents went to college. My brother didn't graduate. I'm the 1st person in my family to graduate college.
Tyler:I'm the 1st person in my family to make, you know, 6 figures at a at a at a corporate tech job. Like, I've held titles that I have have meant a lot to me. And, you know, if my hustle hasn't been up to your standard, then fuck you quite frankly. It's not my problem.
Danny:Yeah. You care. You care so much about that moment. And if it comes from a person who you care about or you or you value their opinion, times that by a1000000. Right?
Tyler:Right. And so you have to stop. You have to stop and say, okay. What does this person what does this what does this person value by pushing this agenda on me? Sure.
Tyler:Right? What does it say about them?
Danny:Sure.
Tyler:What does it say about them? And then what does it say about me if I continue to engage in the argument? And and that's where I have to step back and say, okay, this is the part I'm playing. This is where I need to I need to give myself a little bit more grace and just say, you know what? You don't have to defend.
Tyler:You can be you can be that lion and be like, okay. Alright. Yeah. It's good.
Danny:Yeah. The lion doesn't have to fight every fight. Right? The fight only fight the ones that are the most important.
Tyler:Right. Right? Yeah.
Danny:And and I and I and we go back to that, and and I do think that's a great analogy. Like, you don't have to fight every fight.
Tyler:Right. Did Muhammad Ali take every fight? Like, I don't know his boxing. Maybe. I I don't know his boxing career that well.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:There's probably a point in his career where he probably told people no. No.
Danny:And and I think you have to, like, look at that whole idea of who do you want like, are you a better version of who you were yesterday? Yes. Are you a better version of who you were 5 years ago?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Like I told you, like, you you know, 20 years ago, Danny
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:20 young 25, Danny, 26 year old Danny, we aren't hanging out because I might have pushed, you know, you to do things and, pushed our relationship to, to do things that, unfortunately, I did. Unfortunately, I did. Yeah. You know, I pushed people away. I pushed people out of, my life because they probably couldn't handle who I was.
Danny:Mhmm. Thank god. Thank god my wife stuck with me through these times because I was wild. And, you know, that young version of myself where I was drinking so much and doing negative things, I've been right now, I can look back and I can say, I'm a better person. Have I regressed?
Danny:Yes. Do I still have moments of regression? Yes. But for the overall big picture, I'm a better person than what I was then, and who I am now, I'm proud of and who I am as a man, as a mentor. I can look you square in the face and tell you that I'm a better version of Danny.
Danny:Yeah. You know?
Tyler:Yeah. I like this version of Danny.
Danny:The best. Yeah. He's a pretty good guy.
Tyler:I appreciate him.
Danny:And you give yourself Yeah. What about you? I mean, like, do you tell yourself, like, you're a better version, or is there so much work that you feel like you have left to go?
Tyler:I tell myself every night before I go to bed, congratulations, Tyler. I love you. You made some good progress today.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:And and I don't know where I stand. I I I kind of with myself, I'm I'm I'm pretty happy with the incremental progress. Yeah. I'm not always happy with my decisions in, with that I make. But I I tell my children this quite a bit.
Tyler:Like, I have an unconditional love for you. I may not love some of your behavior
Danny:Yes.
Tyler:But I love you no matter what. Yeah. Gotcha. And and and that there's no duality in that. That there there like, there can actually be excuse me.
Tyler:I don't know if no duality is the right term now that you like. There there is a duality in that. Right? Like, loving you unconditionally, but not liking your behavior, Like, they can coexist. Sure.
Tyler:They can absolutely coexist. There are some people that don't understand that.
Danny:I agree with you.
Tyler:There are some people that don't understand that concept that your behavior is unacceptable to me, but I still love you.
Danny:Sure. Yeah. No. I agree with you.
Tyler:And it's because they have shitty parents. I'm sorry. I'm just gonna say it. They have shitty parents.
Danny:Agreed.
Tyler:Shitty unemotionally unavailable parents.
Danny:They have probably shitty people around them that have gassed them up so much that they don't have to internally Yeah. Internalize that. But, yeah, so I hope that, we we we talk about that progression and regression. I hope our base, our audience understands that that is how life, works.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:You look at your whole big picture. You look at the whole big idea of who you are, who you were, what you wanna become. Mhmm. You look at the big picture, and then you decide, okay. What can I take out?
Danny:Mhmm. What can I put in, and what do I want to, like, really like, I wanna make that, like, part
Tyler:of who I am? Yeah. Stop personalizing the the external stimuli that's telling you you're not good enough.
Danny:For sure.
Tyler:And and unless unless there is some actionable behavior change that you need to make. Sure. And if you can see that, if you can get curious about that, then you're winning.
Danny:I agree.
Tyler:You are winning.
Danny:I agree with you. Yeah. And so, you know, in closing, that's that's to me, is one of those most important, ideas of where men can go. Mhmm. You know, where where we can become better men or we can become better, role models.
Danny:Mhmm. You know? Where and where we can become better, like, where we need to be monsters. Yeah. You know?
Danny:We don't always have to be monsters. Yeah. We don't always have to fight. Have to fight every fight. Mhmm.
Danny:But we sometimes need to fight some of those internal fights where you need to fix what you are, who you are so people can see that you're you're you're actually making progress in life. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So what, let's see. What do you got coming up?
Tyler:Let's see. What do I have coming up? Birthday season? Birthday season?
Danny:We're about to be birthday week.
Tyler:Yeah. Birthday week next week.
Danny:I'm so excited.
Tyler:It starts it starts tomorrow for me.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:I don't have my youngest here, but, I did drop by something special for her at school.
Danny:Good for her.
Tyler:She's excited. She's adorable. She, definitely a highlight. It is birthday season for me. I have a birthday July, August, September.
Tyler:You know? So Nice. And then Your
Danny:birthday is Thursday.
Tyler:Thursday.
Danny:Minus Friday. Yep. Belt test, Saturday. Day. Barbecue.
Danny:Barbecue. Family barbecue. Yeah. Man. Okay.
Danny:We we will for sure get the bus out because the colors are in.
Tyler:They're popping. Right? They're popping. And we got new equipment. I'm dying to test it.
Danny:Yeah. Last week was crazy for me, but I think, like, we if we can try to get something together. We're driving tomorrow. We're gonna get in the Jeep tomorrow and drive up up Lake Creek, come down Wolf Creek Pass, go up Mere Lake Highway, come down Mere Lake Highway, and go to the notch for dinner.
Tyler:Okay. Cool.
Danny:So we're gonna spend 4 or 5 hours in the jeep driving, looking colors.
Tyler:You're gonna go out to the center?
Danny:Yeah. Yeah. So we're heading straight up center, going up Lake Creek, going around up in there, coming down by Mill Hollow.
Tyler:Yep. We did that yesterday. We did that last Saturday, Mill Hollow.
Danny:Up Wolf Creek Pass, then go into, like, Soapstone
Tyler:Yep.
Danny:In the Uintas and then come back down. Yeah.
Tyler:And
Danny:then we'll come down to the notch, have dinner.
Tyler:Nice. Yeah. We did we did last Saturday, we did we did out to Mill Mill.
Danny:Oh, yeah. That's easy road.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's pretty washed out. So let a little air out of your tires and
Danny:There's a bunch of roads up there that we go around and look at. There's a tree up in the that I've written Misty and Isaiah. Aw. And so we might head up there and look at that.
Tyler:Cool. There's ton of people out there who start hunting season.
Danny:That's bad.
Tyler:Where are your orange?
Danny:We won't get out of the Jeep.
Tyler:Where are your orange? Where are your orange?
Danny:So we have that. And then belt test, we're excited about that. By this time so Friday, man, Preston, I'm so proud of you, dude. Yeah. I'm so proud of you, Preston.
Danny:Preston's getting his black belt on Saturday, so this will come out Friday. The next day, he'll get his black belt. I'm so proud of him. That dude has been with me my entire journey. I told him that there's a good chance that I will cry because he means so much to me.
Danny:He is he is, like, he has been such a good example and such a good person for me to have in my life at the time that I needed it. We've been friends for now almost 9 years, I think. Wow. Is that right? Yeah.
Danny:Almost 9 years, I think. 8, 9 yeah. Almost 9 years we've been friends. We started the 1st month of jiu jitsu together, and that's how we became friends. And it was insane to me that I became friends with them.
Danny:It changed my life like that because and so, Preston, I'm so proud of you. I hope you hear this before you get your black belt. If it's afterwards, I'm sure you'll have seen me cry. Yeah. And, I'm excited, man.
Tyler:I I hope you're watching the YouTube on your cyber fuck.
Danny:Yeah. Cyber fuck. On
Tyler:your cyber fuck.
Danny:That's awesome.
Tyler:Yeah. Definitely. Congratulations, Preston. Like, would love to to toast you and just, like, thank you for like, I don't you probably do realize, like, the the level of, the lives you've touched just through your passion in jiu jitsu is, unbelievable. And I'm grateful for you.
Tyler:I'm grateful for, your missus who allows you to just
Danny:I know.
Tyler:Train
Danny:Everything.
Tyler:And, your kids. Like, just getting to know your whole family has been a blessing in my life and super grateful for you. Still. Congratulations. Yep.
Tyler:I I'm I'm sure I'll say this to your face on Saturday as well, but, like, I wanna just put it out there in in in the ether that it will
Danny:live on the other. That outlives us all. It'll be on the cloud.
Tyler:Yeah. In the cloud, it'll outlive us all.
Danny:Alright. Good.
Tyler:Yeah. Appreciate you, Danny.
Danny:Appreciate that. That was fun. K. Yeah. Take care, guys.
Tyler:Cheers, everybody.
Danny:Be good.
