How Do You Gauge Success?
Alright. Welcome back. New episode. A new day.
Danny:Lost Boy Scouts podcast. Lost Boy Scouts. Good to do the clap anymore.
Tyler:I don't think we need to do the clap anymore. It's so easy now. Whatever I figured out, it's, like, so easy.
Danny:Yeah. You said that.
Tyler:I'm really excited about how easy we've made it on our I've ourselves. Yeah.
Danny:Yeah. You said that, that, all it was was a quick quick edit, and Yeah. We decided to release, like, the following day.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It it was it was really you know, you get used to the tools. Right?
Tyler:So, for those of you who want a little insight into how the the sausages made, we use Final Cut Pro to do all of our editing and color grading and all that kind of stuff, like syncing the all the, you know, intro and all that stuff, the music. And, when you're just dealing with one file, just life is so easy.
Danny:Do you see that it has, like, too much of, like, storage and stuff? Like, are you noticing that you're you're running out of room on some of your devices that you need to
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Unclutter?
Tyler:Yeah. My, my server died.
Danny:Oh, shit.
Tyler:It's okay. Apple has a good trade in program right now. They gave me $400 for it, and, I was able to swap it out, upgrade my laptop. So we'll be editing on my laptop, which is, you know, not ideal if you want a little bit, but I think the new m three chip and
Danny:Yeah. My app I have a new MacBook that I got last year, I
Tyler:think.
Danny:And holy moly. Yeah. It's impressive. Yeah. It's yeah.
Danny:It it it's one of those things where you're, like, because I'm an Apple guy like you Yeah. You know, you as you upgrade, all of a sudden, you're, like, what the heck? This thing is far past my reach of
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Knowledge. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Yeah.
Danny:So last, last time we kinda did the year end review and Yeah. We rushed through some of what we were going through and what what's happening. And so now we're, like, looking forward to, like, the next couple of months of you know, you as you go on, it's like chapters. Like, that's how I think about my my schedule for the years Yeah. Chapters.
Danny:Right? Yeah. What what am I working on? Mhmm. What do I have goal wise and expectations and realistic setting?
Danny:Like, we talked about when you when you write that letter to yourself, did you go overboard, or did you keep it realistic? You know? And I hope our audience does some of those things and and sets themselves up for success. Right?
Tyler:Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely.
Danny:You went to Saint George?
Tyler:Went to Saint George for work. They do our annual, like, it was typically sales kickoff, but I think they've incorporated the whole company now. Right. Had an amazing opportunity to do a couple hikes. It was just nice to be in the sun.
Tyler:Like, I don't I can do the cold. I can't do the cold and the gray
Danny:I agree.
Tyler:Like, for very long.
Danny:Agreed.
Tyler:So even though it was only, like you know, there was a couple days where I was in the low, you know, mid forties, It still felt, like, really warm. Yeah. High one day was, like, 52, and I was like, this is summertime.
Danny:There we go.
Tyler:Sun was it was blue skies and sunny. And and Your
Danny:mom came out?
Tyler:My mom came out, hung with kids. No drama there.
Danny:That's good.
Tyler:Yeah. She's stuck stuck around a couple extra days being it's the you know, we're right on the right on the, you know, the verge of the the anniversary of Nick losing Nick. And Yeah. I think she just needed some extra time with me, and I was totally cool with it. We took her on a bunch of errands that I had to run that day when I got back.
Danny:So Good.
Tyler:She was just happy to just kinda tag along and
Danny:Did she and she drove here and drove home?
Tyler:Yeah. She she drove here and drove home.
Danny:And how was did she make it home already?
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah.
Danny:She have plans for Monday?
Tyler:I asked her that after you brought it up to me and on on our phone call, I was like, oh, man. I should probably just dive in a little bit more. So my darling cousins, they they bought a bench at a park in Castle Rock, Colorado.
Danny:Okay.
Tyler:And that is dedicated into the memory of Nick. And so they are rallying people to to to just kinda be there on that day. So I think she's planning on doing that and, you know, just kinda being with with some of her her extended family that's that's out there. She's got a a sister that's out there and, obviously, you know, her nieces and nephews that were close to Nick. The the boys Nick's boys, are all planning on being there.
Tyler:They're gonna do a dinner. Yeah. So I've told my kids we're ditching on Monday. We're gonna go play hooky. We'll go maybe we'll go to a trampoline park or something.
Tyler:I told my dad we'd we'd meet up for dinner maybe Sunday night and
Danny:Oh, cool.
Tyler:Hang out and
Danny:Do you plan to go to training on Monday at all, Monday night? Or would you be
Tyler:I don't see why not. I don't see why not.
Danny:Will you be making sure that the kids and because you'll have the kids that
Tyler:I will have the kids. You know, I think they'll be my goal would be to get them out of the house most of the day so then when we come back, like, it's I can just slip out and
Danny:They can do some homework and stuff, and you can go have some you time and Yeah. Get your mind off everything for the
Tyler:Yeah, man. That that like, it's too important to my routine to miss. I was so glad I went last week. I was sitting in all these meetings. They gave us one free day, where they really wanted us to go, like, meet external members, and, man, I have so many thoughts on, like, my ability to make friends and, like, how I act in crowds and, just a lot of enlightenment.
Danny:But As far as critiquing, you you Yeah. My to yourself a little bit.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But Wednesday, I was just, like, so done with people that I was like, I need to go train. Yeah.
Tyler:I need to go train. Yeah. Yeah. And and so I think I got a lot of people that were like, oh, wow. You you you're really dedicated.
Tyler:And I'm like, yeah. I choked out some randos because I didn't wanna choke
Danny:you all out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's better for me to go do this here in a safe environment than, than do it to you where the not safe environment.
Tyler:Right. Our CEO seems like a really good dude. I don't know him that well, but you just see him on stage, and they they all just kinda have this swagger and this arrogance, and you're just like, I don't know I could choke you out.
Danny:I got you.
Tyler:Oh, yeah.
Danny:Yeah. That's so funny.
Tyler:Your back and make you squeal like a like a school girl.
Danny:That's so funny. And so yeah. So, you know, 6 days away and and the the idea of of that whole year passing and where you are different in your life and and how you'll address that will be important going forward after year 1 because, man, after that, it's kinda like
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:What do you do? Yeah. You know, do you do do you honor Nick on a certain day? Do you honor Nick on a certain time?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Do you every day be, like, no, I'm just grateful for him so I don't have to, like, set time aside? You know, I don't know about that kind of thing. I always I know it's so weird because you go, we're so crazy to think Yeah. That our life is so great that we're not gonna experience loss. Yeah.
Danny:Right? Yeah. You're not gonna experience loss.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Right? And loss like that.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Right? And there's other losses that could be 10, 15 times worse
Tyler:Sure.
Danny:On you. Sure. And so you have to decide at those moments of, like, how will I do these memories? What will I do? And I think, you know, hopefully, you guys figure that out, and it's just something that you can go to every whatever you decide.
Tyler:Yeah. I I mean, that's my that's my fear. Right? And I'm sure our our listeners are kinda getting sick of us, you know, just expressing about it, but, you know, I'm grateful for the space that you hold. And, like, that's my biggest fear is, like, losing that memory.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:Like, because I am grateful. He I am not would not be the man I am today without him. Sure. I'm you know, I just have so much more love for my nephews, for for his his, widow. You know, and and it it is.
Tyler:It's it's you know, I don't know if it'll be a day. I don't know if it'll just be, you know, we do a some sort of celebration, but I do see us, like, that we'll we'll probably pick a day where, you know, we hate No booze. Yeah. We really just yeah.
Danny:You know, stay up the booze.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No.
Tyler:I've I've been been pretty shy of it ever since his the poker game that that his neighborhood put me through. Yeah. Yeah. But, yeah, you're you're absolutely right. Like, just how do we honor the memory and just kinda really
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:Really remember.
Danny:I think that's important to decide and to make sure that you you have a plan because year 1, you know, you're already expecting it. After that, it's, like, probably gonna become one of those things where you'll have to remind yourself that that happened, you know, because your life is going to, like it's crazy to how much in a year life changes. Oh, yeah. I Always think about that, like, how crazy you could like, you could literally change the course of direction tomorrow of how your life is going. You could change it tomorrow.
Danny:You may not even see it until a couple days later. I honestly I mean, like, this is such a you know, it's a it's an interesting way to look at things, but no way would I have thought that I was where I'm at now
Tyler:Mhmm.
Danny:A year ago. No way. No way. I I would have thought that I was doing something completely different. Yeah.
Danny:Every time I see those kids wrestling and doing their thing Yeah. You know, and see the little breakthroughs, I'm like, man, this is kinda cool that I'm that I'm seeing this again with fresh eyes. Yeah. And so I thought I think about like that with, like, some of those tragedies is, like, look at things with fresh eyes. You know?
Danny:Look at things that you're like, I'm stoked about this. Yeah. I'm excited for this, and and you could be sad for a moment, but remember, like, Nick doesn't want that. No. You know, he wants you to be stoked, though.
Tyler:He wants us to he wants us to live. He was a liver of life. Yeah. Absolutely.
Danny:Yeah. And so for us, we have a lot of change going on in our house as well, I told you, but Misty got a new job. She's excited about it. She's gonna be working at one of the health and, wellness centers here in town, kinda running their, their front office and management stuff. And so we're excited about that.
Danny:She's got a great personality for that, plus her work ethic is second to none. Yeah. It's in I'm so inspired by her and so in awe for her because, you know, she doesn't get regular days off. She has her schedule Mhmm. And then the you know, then they build her schedule, and then, okay, those are the days that I don't go to work, and so she has to plan all of her shit.
Danny:Mhmm. She plans her hair, her nails, all of that stuff a year in advance, and then it's like, hey, I need this time off because when she's scheduled for work, she goes to work.
Tyler:Yeah. That's incredible.
Danny:Day off. She doesn't take, if she doesn't feel good, she figures out a way to go to work. If she if if something's bothering her, she figures out a way to go to work.
Tyler:Oh. She
Danny:has to, like, do all this jumping through the hoops to just to get somebody to cover a shift for her Yeah. Because she's like, no. That's my job. And and I'm inspired by that because my job is not like that. If I don't I don't wanna if I don't wanna go in, I don't go in that day.
Danny:Yeah. Whatever. I don't Well, I
Tyler:don't you talk about planning, man. I'm I can barely plan tomorrow, let alone, like, a year in advance. I'm like Yeah.
Danny:I went to breakfast with her and her new employers who we know. We we we know them pretty well.
Tyler:Yeah. We've we've repped them on the podcast because they helped, they helped sponsor the the, the The men's men's ascent.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:Of course we did.
Danny:So she'll be at mountain Elite? Mountain elite Yeah. Massage. Yeah. She'll be over there, and she's with, those they're great.
Danny:And I went to lunch breakfast with them, and they're great. They were they're so great. And she mentioned something that she's she's she's like, you know, I'm really gonna work on my energy and how I my energy affects people because what she said was when you see CJ, her, she has, like, this quiet talk and she, like, does this, like, the way she talks is really, like, quiet and soothing. And she's like, I was in I really was inspired to be a little bit more like that, to be to work on that because we come off like, you know Yeah. Yeah.
Danny:Barking all the time. Yeah. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, and shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, and let's fucking go. And, you know, you're like, yeah. Let's go.
Danny:Yeah. And she was like, I didn't get that feeling from CJ at all. And I was like, really cool for Misty to have that wherewithal to see that and be like, no. I wanna work on that.
Tyler:There is there is definitely something special about CJ. I got a massage from her after I lost Nick, And, you know, I've I've I've I've known CJ for a long time. I've had the the benefit of having a lot of massages from her, but, like, we were just chatting, you know, and I'm kinda telling her the story and, like, it's it's amazing. She's massaging me, and she's just like this miracle worker. I I shoot you not.
Tyler:She was just, like, so therapeutic that, like, the next day I went in to to do something, to drop something off. And I swear she had a cold. Like, she got sick. Like, whatever energy she pulled out of me, like, it affected her in a way where she was physically feeling it. What the I I swear I swear on and and she was like, oh, no.
Tyler:You love you're you're so Yeah. You're
Danny:so She talks so good.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. You know, she she downplayed it, but I was like, there is no way she did not take something from me because I left there feeling completely different, a completely different energy
Danny:Right.
Tyler:Than than when I went in. And, you know, to see her have a cold, I just know that there is there was some connection and that energy there that, you know, she's she's some she she works magic.
Danny:She does. Yeah. I don't know if you know this, and I don't know if I'm supposed to tell you, but they are putting the sauna in there.
Tyler:Yeah. She's she's mentioned that before. I feel
Danny:like that's a good getting a sauna, so I'm excited about that because they want a place to like sauna, you know Yeah. Like a consistent while things are going on for us. And so with that, like, that's a big change in our household because, you know, my goal, like I told you the first on this last podcast was to work my ass off for a 100 and 120 days. No breaks, just work my butt off, and and and that's changed a little bit in the last week, because part of, you know, what I wanna talk about tonight is gauging your how do you gauge success? Like, how do you gauge success?
Danny:Like, how how do you see success? How I asked my both my boys, how do you gauge success? Because I asked my question myself this question of, like, how do I see success? You know, where how do I see it? Because it's such a broad spectrum of things.
Danny:Right? And part of what I feel like is I'm I get these, like, little jolts of energy in something that I'm doing, but do I stick it out to the end? Do I, like, stick it out to the end? Jujitsu for sure. Like, there's no end for that for me.
Danny:Right. So how do I find success there? Yeah. You know? I get my butt kicked every time I go in there.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:There are times when I go in there that I'm like, I'm not this is gonna suck tonight. I'm not gonna do anything right. Yeah. Am I the easy round? Yeah.
Danny:Remember when I told you Yeah. Yeah. Like, am I the easy am I the rest fucking round? Yeah. You know?
Danny:And how do you how can I, like, how can I keep going back if I don't feel success? Right? Yeah. Work. Where Where do I find success?
Danny:Husband. How do I find success?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Mother. How do I find success? In this big broad spectrum. Mhmm. You know?
Danny:And so my question to you, Tyler, is is, do how do you gauge success?
Tyler:That is a great question. To be honest, I as you're talking, I'm like, success is just a social construct. It's all of what we see. And I think, unfortunately, we live in a country where success is measured by material
Danny:Agreed.
Tyler:Things or status about who you are,
Danny:not what you are. Sure.
Tyler:So I rely specifically in the jiu jitsu gym. I rely on on my mentors, those upper belts that correct and complement my game. Nothing feels better than getting a compliment from professor or an upper belt or, you know, even just having a good round. Like, maybe maybe you are the easy round, but you have that one you have that one round where you accomplish a goal, you hit a sweep, or you Yeah. Catch a submission, and you're like, that's why I came today.
Tyler:Yep. Right? So that's that's where I measure that success. And I realized that, like, it that's a harder measure for me, and so I do rely on that kind of external source of of validation. Really, the where I'd like to move to from a business perspective, from, you know, a a personal perspective is, like, am I am I happy?
Tyler:Am I accomplishing the things that I want to accomplish? And I think it's really hard to gauge because there's so much external stimuli that that just blast you constantly. Well, I'm not I'm not driving the right car. Am I driving the right car? Am I living in the right neighborhood?
Tyler:Do I have, you know, the the right number of zeros in my bank account? Because those are all things that that people would say are markers of success. When when, really, when you look at, like, how fragile life is, man, maybe maybe just maintaining health is success. Right? Because you talk to somebody who's on life support or or going through cancer or battling some sort of disease, you know, waking up in the morning might just be a success.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. You know? Somebody who's struggling with sobriety, success for them might just be one day sober at a time. And every day you wake up and you you hit that goal of being sober, you are successful.
Danny:Sure.
Tyler:So I don't know that that that we need to, like I think we need to determine your own individual markers. I don't really necessarily know how to do it.
Danny:And this is where I find interesting because as I'm listening to you, this is exactly what happened with me and my boys. Mhmm. Is my boys, they did the same thing. They were, like, saying the same things that you were saying. Well, I just have this as a success.
Danny:I see this as success. Because I think as a man, It's really hard to say, am I successful when you have so much life left? Yeah. Right. Am I successful?
Danny:Right. Am I successful? Did I did I do something successful? And I think my personal opinion about success is how do I respond to failure? Yeah.
Danny:Oh. Oh.
Tyler:Say that again. Right? Yeah.
Danny:How do I respond to it?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:How do I how do I respond to something not going my way? Oh, yeah. Right? Yeah. That's deep.
Danny:How do I go tomorrow if I lost the girl? Yeah. If I lost the job? Yeah. If I lost somebody close to me?
Danny:How do I go? How do I wake up tomorrow and do the same thing that I was supposed to do today? Yeah. Do the same thing. Yeah.
Danny:Right? Because as a man, it's really easy to get lost in your own thoughts of why you're not successful. Yeah. All these things of, like, do you make enough money? Mhmm.
Danny:Are you good looking enough? Do you have the right body?
Tyler:Right. Oh, yeah.
Danny:Is your penis size the correct size?
Tyler:Right.
Danny:You know? Yeah. Yeah. Right? Yeah.
Danny:And you got you have all these these things out in front of you that tell you no. Yeah. No. You're not.
Tyler:Well, there's all these gurus. There's all these social media.
Danny:You have these 20 year olds that tell you how to fucking live your life.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:I'm a I'm a life coach. Really? Yeah. How? Yeah.
Danny:Yeah. Could you imagine a 20 year old telling you that you're not successful, like, because you don't have the same shit that he does? Yeah. But it's like, what if but but we go back to the same thing. Like, how do I respond when I don't live up to those expectations that I hold of myself?
Tyler:Yeah. Right? Yeah. I I think, you know, somebody who's dealt with loss in a lot of different ways, like, for me, I've had to start to reframe that loss as the universe is is clearing something out to make way for something better. Right?
Tyler:And so whether or not I'm being successful at that or not is my willingness to be receptive to the message. Sure. My lack of presence in the moment, in any moment is really, you know, that's where I I really should be should be measuring my success. Because if I'm future future building or constantly stuck on the future, then I'm missing everything that's going on around me. My kids will grow up without me, you know, me really being present because I'm, I'm worried about, you know, living up to what Madison Avenue, the marketers think is important.
Tyler:Maybe because that is what they've done traditionally. They've told you that your life isn't good enough if you don't have x y z product, and your life will be better if you purchase x y z product.
Danny:And you know what then happens? X y z products gets version 2. Yep. And guess what you don't have?
Tyler:Version 2.
Danny:You don't have version 2.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:Everything in our life right now is, like, you need to upgrade. Yeah. You need to upgrade this to make your life better. Really? Really?
Danny:Yeah. Because I go back to my question about my question is is how do you gauge success?
Tyler:Right.
Danny:Well, you know, something that, like I told you, that I got from Alex Hermozzi was, what would 85 year old Danny Mhmm. Think right now is to look back on my life and say, you were successful.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Because only I care. I truly only care about my success. Right. Right. I want you, Tyler, to be successful.
Danny:I want you I want so bad for your life to be successful, but I'm not responsible to ensure that you're successful. Yeah. I'm responsible for my successes for you to go like, oh, man. I'm gonna keep up with Danny. Yeah.
Danny:Right? And so gauging it, that has zero input to I mean, it really doesn't matter to me why you gauge success. What matters is, like, how do you respond when the shit hits the fan? Are you running at the firefight Yeah. Or are you running away because you're, like, I'm too fucking I might I don't know what to do.
Danny:Or you'd be like, fuck it. I'll figure it out as I go.
Tyler:Yeah. And there's probably opportunities for both. Right? Like, need there's not to say that one way or the other is the the good way. Sometimes you might need to retreat.
Tyler:Right? Sometimes you might need to retreat and reevaluate.
Danny:Yourself.
Tyler:Yeah. Protect yourself. Is and and and sometimes you may need to run into it. Right? What's the story of the buffalo?
Tyler:Right? Like, the buffalo will run through the storm storm. Because it knows the better food is at the, you know, at the end of the storm.
Danny:Yep. And and and so making this a full circle thing is, like, just remember, like, for failures, like, if we don't fail, if we're not putting ourselves out there to fail, if we're not, like, going, you know, going full steam ahead sometimes. Yeah. We don't see how far we can take things. Right.
Danny:That's not like I mean, and I'm not even I'm not I'm and I definitely am not a proponent of vices. Right. Vices are good and bad, though. Right. Right.
Danny:But you have to, like, see the limits of what you're capable of.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Right. And I believe that this right here, the fact that we've been doing this for so long Yeah. And we are like, nope. This is this is part of our plan. Right.
Danny:This is our plan. If we were to be, like, tomorrow, you know what we should do? We should start a podcast on this. We should start and then in 5 weeks, we get that, like, burst of energy, and we're like, oh, but then oh, man. We have this idea.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:But we stay consistent in this. Yeah. We stay in this platform. We find out what we're talking about. Yeah.
Danny:And I measure my success on those kind of things.
Tyler:Yeah. Right?
Danny:What have I been doing long enough to be like, man, I'm pretty good at that.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:I'm pretty good. I haven't quit. I've quit my job. Yeah. I haven't quit my family.
Danny:Yeah. I haven't quit my my my job as a husband.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And I, for sure, haven't quit jujitsu and the grappling arts. Right. You know? So there are times that I think I'm pretty good at that. Yeah.
Danny:You know? So I can measure Yeah. A little bit of success on that. Yeah. Where I fail is when I don't get that burst of energy, and do I put my shoes on and do the exact same thing tomorrow?
Tyler:Right. When I think I think sometimes we we sometimes we get so worried about failure that we don't even start. And, you know, I just came from down in the valley where I helped host a it's called Principles Over People.
Danny:Okay.
Tyler:It's it was set up by by my therapist. It's a men's group he's trying to start this year where we really talk about how principles you know, how to apply principles to become a better human being. And one of the things I brought up in the meeting was that, like, we have these experiences, positive and or negative. It doesn't matter. They're they are experiences.
Tyler:We can personalize them and make them about us, and we can say, poor me or look at me how great I am, but that's not really the point. Sure. The point is to gain wisdom from these experiences to propel you further.
Danny:Sure.
Tyler:Right? And so, you know, let's not personalize the experience. Not let's not personalize what the external world is telling us success is. Let's build our own definition, and let's use our own wisdom and and hard work and and principled efforts to to propel ourselves forward. And while we're doing it, if we can link arms and and raise other men up with us, why not why not take a couple of your best fellows with you?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Yeah. Why? Why? Why is it that as men, sometimes we like shoot shots at each other to break each other down because you do something better than me or you look different than me or or just something and we get in the way of each other Right. As opposed to, like, we have a common goal.
Danny:Yeah. Here's our common goal. Yeah. Let's let's figure out how to get to that common goal, and then you know what we should do? The people that have done it already, we should ask them questions.
Danny:Yes. And we should be like, hey, how did you do that? Yeah. Can you show me how you did that? And if they are like, man, nobody's ever asked me that I did that.
Danny:Here's how I did it. And we're like Yeah. Cool. Man, great. We just gained We gained perspective.
Danny:We gave insight. We gained the ability to grow. Yeah. Right? And if a man does not keep up, You don't have to cut him out, but it's not your responsibility to make sure he keeps up.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. There's only so far you know, there's, like, this whole theory about well, we've talked about lobsters, but you put lobsters in a bucket. Right? They start pulling each other down.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:Right? You you you you you can't you can't you you know, you wanna surround yourself with those people that that push you to be better.
Danny:No.
Tyler:And, yeah, you you you don't wanna be hanging on to dead weight. Get rid of those friends that are bringing you down, that are keeping you stagnant. Yeah. Because I think that's where that is true failure. True failure is remaining the same, remaining in a homeostasis because it feels safe.
Danny:Because it feels safe.
Tyler:And that's what our brain often wants the trick us to do. Right? All our brain cares about is being safe
Danny:Yep.
Tyler:And and maintaining safety. And and and it will often create problems so that it has, you know, a use. But a lot of times, like, we have to be we have to be smarter than our our brain. Right? Like, we have to remember that we are in control.
Danny:I agree. And I don't know the failures that 5 year years ago, Tyler went through.
Tyler:Yeah. I have
Danny:no idea what 5 years ago Tyler looked like. Yeah. Same with me. Right. You have no idea what what I was struggling with, what I was going through 5 years ago.
Danny:All you know is that where we are right now Yep. We bond. Mhmm. We we fight for the same fight, and what we went through brought us to where we are now. And it made us who we are.
Danny:Mhmm. It made us the strength that we have. Right? And it's obvious when you when you see when you do the same thing, like, we do jujitsu. Yeah.
Danny:Right? We both practice jujitsu. I have 10 years of jujitsu under my belt. You have a year of jujitsu. We can see that.
Danny:Yeah. We can see that there's a disparity in the fact that, like, I've been doing it longer than you. Yeah. Right? But living as a man, living as a man, we've both been doing the same thing.
Danny:Yeah. And look at where we are now. We look at where we are. Look at who we are now. Yeah.
Danny:We wake up every day. We smile. We we go, and we do the things that we're supposed to do. We still go to our tribe. We still practice something that makes us better.
Danny:We still accept failures. So can we gauge our success off of that? Yeah, for sure. Because we don't look at the failures. We don't think about the failures that we went through because they weren't failures in our eyes.
Danny:They were they were learning blocks. They were learning lessons, you know, because we didn't give up. Yeah. We have not stopped. Right.
Danny:And things have beat us down. There have been some things that, like, beat the shit out of you. Oh, yeah. That beat the shit out of you. Do you still are like, man, I am struggling with that today.
Danny:Yep. But Yeah. Your ability to be successful outweighs your ability to be like, fuck it. I'm taking fuck it. Fuck it.
Danny:I'll just go drink myself to a stripper.
Tyler:Yeah. You
Danny:know? And so I gauge your success. I can see Yeah. That you're successful.
Tyler:So so what you're saying is really that that the the measure of success is in your your ability to maintain consistency Always. Rather than you you are successful if you are maintaining consistency towards whatever whatever your your end outcome is.
Danny:And always knowing that, like, when when shit hits the fan, that you're not going to just cower
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Curl under a ball and put somebody else out there to take the damage. You're gonna be like, nope. I'm here. Yeah. I'm good.
Danny:I'm good.
Tyler:How would you measure your success as a parent? Is it is it the same? Like, obviously, I'm you know, you're always a parent. You even when your children are are grown, and maybe that dynamic changes shifts a little bit. Always.
Tyler:But for the most part, you're still the parent. You still have, you know, years of wisdom, decades of wisdom that your child doesn't have.
Danny:Understand. And I think, especially in the fact that parenting is so organic that everything that you do is the first time that you've done that.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Right? I think that's the first time I've done that. Maybe I've had an experience where something was close, but what my kids give me is the first time that I'm doing that at that moment. Mhmm. Right?
Danny:And so you give yourself, like, leeway to make mistakes, but you never ever ever ever Falter in them knowing that you are there, that no matter what, you're there. And so when you when somebody pays a compliment to you and you're like, man, see, you have no idea what just happened.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:In my house.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And what I just said to my kid. And they're like, oh, you have the greatest kids. You're the greatest. You guys have a great relationship. You're like, you have no idea what we just did.
Danny:Yeah. I think that you can say to yourself, that's pretty good success.
Tyler:Right. Yeah. I think that's that's interesting too specifically with relationships. Right? Your ability I I I personally would measure the success of my relationship based on the ability to repair.
Danny:Sure.
Tyler:Because nobody's perfect. Right? You're gonna have those moments when your nervous system is just whacked and you you pop off and yell at your kids. And Yeah. Not only do they need to see you create and and initiate that repair, they need to see that humility because you're teaching them that for their own future interactions.
Tyler:But, you know, it it's good for you to to find that humility and and to say, hey. That this wasn't right.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:Let's correct this.
Danny:Yeah. Regulation. Regulating things. We talked about that before, like, regulating your emotions. Yeah.
Danny:Having your kids see you regulate yourself or dysregulate yourself. Yeah. Could be a you know, could could work both ways. Right?
Tyler:Yep.
Danny:You're you're not regulated, and all of a sudden, you're you're self medicating and Yeah. Or you're you're, like, yeah. Not today. Man, your head down on your phone all the time. Yeah.
Danny:What do they do? They mimic everything that you do.
Tyler:Absolutely. Right?
Danny:I think, like, for me and my boys especially, and I was excited to ask you that question. I want I almost, like, texted it to you so many times, but I wanted to do it, like, in live form. Yeah. Yeah. In live form where you were, like, where your brain goes Yeah.
Danny:Starts answering. Then you start then you can digest it a little bit. Yeah. And you can start to see, like, that there are so many ways to gauge Yeah. But there's so many ways to also, like, critique.
Danny:Yeah. Critique. Maybe I'm not as successful as I thought I was. Yeah. Yeah.
Danny:What maybe maybe this is why I'm not, you know, doing the things that I maybe something is getting in the way. Maybe I'm getting in the way Yeah. Of seeing how great I actually am as a man. You know, when you when you propose those kind of questions and, like Yeah. All of a sudden, it's like on the spot.
Danny:Boom. Now you have time to digest it. Yeah. Going forward, like, my both my boys have have since texted me other things that they thought later on.
Tyler:They can digest it. You know? It's it's true. I think when you get in your own way of success, that's that's the exact personalization I was talking about. Right?
Tyler:We're personalizing an external stimuli.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:Yeah. And I think it's good. I think it's good to be reflective. I think it's good to be like, let's put ourselves on the spot and then have to really think about the question.
Danny:Like, I
Tyler:wanna hear what you have to say in the moment, and, then, you know, let's see how your brain works out. I I I mean, we're just giant computers. Right?
Danny:So true.
Tyler:Sometimes we take a little bit longer to compute things than Yeah. Than than necessary, but
Danny:Yeah. And the one thing that we we both the the my boys and I both talked about because I've been really trying to keep to capture being in this moment and, like, not moving on and not finding the next thing that keeps, like, that makes me happy. You know, like, I'm a simple man. I do simple things, you know, but there's some skills that I lack. Mhmm.
Danny:You know, some skills that I just don't quite know. And I'm and and and sometimes it's probably because I'm afraid of failing. For a couple of weeks, I put myself in bottom side mount. I let guys mount me. I talked about that.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah.
Danny:And it sucked, you know, and I got a rib injury now, so I can't quite do it. But I I don't want to go down there, you know, but I'm willing to go down there and struggle. I do not know Excel or any of those spreadsheet stuff, but I really wanna learn how to do them. And so I've decided, like, the next couple of my next couple of months, I'm going to sit and just be okay not knowing. And so I'm gonna ask a lot of questions like, hey, what would you do here?
Danny:Like, what do you do there? And I don't know what's gonna happen. I I really don't.
Tyler:I think you're gonna be on the have you seen like the Excel spreadsheet games?
Danny:No.
Tyler:No. There is like a legit competition for Excel
Danny:Really?
Tyler:That that, like, formulas and and that kind of stuff. Yeah. It it's it's intense. These guys are fast.
Danny:It's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. I have no idea about those things, but I want to get better at them. I think, like, for my own personal businesses and business things, I need to know that I can, like, focus on a skill set and just stick to that skill set.
Danny:Yeah. And I think it will benefit me and future endeavors if I am able to accept the fact that I just don't know. Yeah. And that shouldn't be a reason to stop. Mhmm.
Danny:Because if I stop jujitsu because I didn't know jujitsu, I wouldn't be where I'm at today. And if I take the same, take the same look and I take the same ideas about that and approach them the same way, just be humble and grateful that people are willing to accept the fact that I'm I fumble fuck this thing like crazy.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:What do I do with this? How do I create this? And, you know, tell me the same thing 10 different times.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:You know? So you gotta learn somewhere. Yeah. You know? And so I I we've we we all committed to the fact that, like, there's just some skills that we're gonna get better at.
Danny:Yeah. You know? And I think that's that that's a measure of a man.
Tyler:Yeah. I think that's that's so true.
Danny:Any skills that you're, like, working on currently that you're like, I don't know what to do or how to do this, so I'm going to figure it out?
Tyler:On the opposite end of that, are there any skills you're like, I I don't need that. I will never need that.
Danny:No. I don't know.
Tyler:You don't know? No.
Danny:What about you?
Tyler:That's what I'm saying.
Danny:Do you have any skills that you're working on right now?
Tyler:Yeah. I mean, obviously, with each episode of the the podcast that comes out, I went back and I look at, like, how is our color looking in Yeah. Like, over the life of the episodes. And I'm noticing that, like, it's kind of all over the place. Right?
Tyler:So I'm I'm trying to get more standardized in in doing that. Like, for me, this is it's it's kind of a hobby. I know that there's plenty of people out there that do this professionally, but, like, you you know, making sure that we we have a kind of a professional look to what we do here, is is important to me. Right? Like, it it may just be 2 dudes sitting in, you know, a studio, like, rapping to each other, but, like, I want there to be a level of professionalism.
Tyler:Like, that's why I invested in in equipment that, like, will help capture and and and engage the audience. Right? Like, could you imagine that how terrible this would be listened to if it was just, like, you and I on our phone, like, yeah, trying to record?
Danny:It goes back to that whole idea of, like, this version of Tyler Mhmm. What could teach this version of Tyler, what he could teach episode 1 version of Tyler. Yeah. Like, imagine, like, if if episode 1 version of Tyler seen now, what what this version of Tyler, he'd be like, damn, you made it this far, bro. Yeah.
Danny:I mean, like, in 47 episodes Yeah. Some people, I've heard, people have said, you guys sound like you've been doing this for your, like, 10 years.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:It's like, no, we've not been doing it for that long. They're like, holy crap. How fast how fast you've you've made it because it's like what you said is consistent. Yeah. It's always consistent.
Tyler:Always consistency.
Danny:What about skills that you don't think you need? So you absolutely don't think you need.
Tyler:Skills I don't think I need. It's hard to say. Yeah. I I don't know if there's anything that, you know, I guess probably, like, roof a house.
Danny:I was gonna say I have one. I have one that I just thought of. Yeah. Handle a gun. Like, I Yeah.
Danny:I truly don't know if I need that. Yeah. I have no idea how to how to, anything about a handgun. Yeah. I've been around rifles, and I've hunted and stuff, you know, and I don't like them still.
Danny:Yeah. Yeah. But I I truly have only, like, had a handgun in my hand maybe less than 5 times for sure.
Tyler:I think it's 1
Danny:of those if I need it. Yeah. Sorry.
Tyler:Oh, no. I think you're absolutely right. I kinda maybe I'm on the other end of that. I'm like, I I it's something I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't tell the story of the podcast.
Tyler:It's one of those things I swore would go to the grave with you. I had a negligent just discharged with a handgun.
Danny:You did.
Tyler:And it scared the absolute shit out of me to the point where I'm like, my neighbors are gonna call the police, so I'm gonna beat them to it. I was cleaning it and just new to guns, and, yeah, it went off in my house. Luckily, my family was all off. Nobody was around.
Danny:I have the most inappropriate joke Do it. That I just thought of when you said that. It's a very inappropriate joke. You just do it. It's the first time, you know, as a guy, a young guy Yeah.
Danny:Here in the shower.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:You start cleaning your cleaner, and all of a sudden it went off.
Tyler:What is this what is the saying? This is my rifle. This is
Danny:my gun.
Tyler:1 is true.
Danny:I tell that people all the time, like
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:I say that all the time. When you said that, it reminded me of my joke when I'm like, oh, yeah. It was my winner once and it went off. Dude. Really?
Danny:Yeah. So do you remember Jordan blue belt down in Lehigh? Yeah. He dry fired his gun and it was loaded and shot his hand. Do you remember that?
Tyler:I didn't know that.
Danny:Did you see the picture? Uh-uh. Brutal. Yeah. Shot, put his I I I don't really know what this means, but dry fired.
Tyler:Yeah. I mean, that's essentially what I I thought. I didn't know. There's a difference between, like, hammerless guns, which don't have, like, you know, the the typical right? And the the gun I was using was was hammerless, and so you couldn't tell,
Danny:like, when I Cocked it. Cocked it.
Tyler:They racked it that there was a there's one in the chamber. I wasn't I didn't have the skills as a new gun owner to to do that. And I'm assuming that's that sounds
Danny:He I guess, he held it to his hand, pulled the trigger, and I guess there's there's no way to make it's one of the gun. I'm probably fucking this up. Put the handgun to his hand, and he'd done it a 1000000 times, I guess, where it, like, pulls the trigger and it doesn't do anything because it doesn't have a way to do it.
Tyler:Yeah. If you push the slide back a little bit, it it won't you won't shoot the gun. The guy the gun won't physically fire.
Danny:That's what he and boom and shot his hand. It blew out the backside of his hand, which to me is, like, again, why I'm not ever doing that kind of thing.
Tyler:Yeah. It was sorry. Go ahead.
Danny:Go ahead. No. You I was
Tyler:gonna say it was one of those things where, like, after that, like I mean, I to me, the the the second amendment is use it or lose it. Right? Like so I just took it upon myself to get every bit of training I could I could take every bit of training, and then to pass that training down to my kids. I mean, the the the second amendment was built, you know, was established for a reason, and I hope to god we never have to to get to that because it's it's bloody and it's horrible. And I hope that I never have to use it.
Tyler:Did you see the story on the that that popped up just recently? This body cam footage of a gentleman you in Utah, caught in the act of stabbing his parents. And the cops have like, they bust in the door. And that footage just popped up just recently, like, in the last few days. I hope to never be in those situations.
Tyler:I don't wanna be in those situations. I'm really grateful for people that have the mental and emotional capacity to do those those type of things. And, you know, if you guys ever need to rap about it and Yeah. You know, wanna just chat, like, well, I'll I'll I'll I'll listen because I'm really grateful for what you do Yeah. So I don't have to do it.
Tyler:Because I I'm I'm like you. Like, I I definitely don't like, I went through a phase where, like, I felt like I needed a gun to be safe, and I'm like, I don't I I don't think I'm there anymore. Right? Like, I don't think I don't think that's quite the case. And I think that was a lot a lot of my ego.
Tyler:A lot of my ego was like, oh, you need to have these guns, and now you're, like, cooked. You're, like, badass because you're, like, Jason Bourne or whatever. Like, cool gun, you know, John Wick or whatever. And you're like
Danny:I'd be the guy that, like, stuck my gun in my pocket and shot myself to the leg. Like, fuck. I'd be that guy. Who's that guy's name? Because that's who I'd be.
Danny:Yeah. Yeah. Whoever that knucklehead is. Yeah. Yeah.
Danny:You know?
Tyler:That that was did you ever see that video of the there's that cop teaching teaching an inner city school about the 9 millimeter, and he discharged and shoots himself right in the leg.
Danny:Oh my gosh.
Tyler:And you're like, it's not a toy. It's a toy. I'm good.
Danny:I swear to god. Yeah. Somebody get a tourniquet. Yeah. Right?
Danny:I I the I have so many stories of people that I know that have done stupid shit with a gun, and I think that's why I don't need one. But, again, a skill set, like, that I just I don't think I I I don't know if I need it. I probably do. Like, I probably need to get more comfortable around them, but I'm terrified of them. Terrified of them.
Danny:Yeah. I'm terrified of what they will do or what what, you know, like, I was talking to the I was teaching the Tripp and I were teaching the white to blue belt, moves or class the other day. And, I was telling him, I was, like, the greatest thing about jujitsu that I've learned is that I just say sorry, walk away. Because I have no idea that could you imagine seeing trip meeting Tristan, you don't know him, thinking that you could kick this punk's Right. Ass and that dude tunes you up, and you're, like, what the hell?
Danny:Anthony's clearly Anthony, you look at Anthony, like, yeah, I'm not fucking with him. Yeah. Tripp, you're like, I wanna fuck with him. Yeah. And that dude would hurt you just the same.
Danny:So I don't know what I don't know what people know. So I'm like, no, man. I just wanna smile and go about my way and fist bump and be, like, hey, what's Yeah. Sorry, you know?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know, man. That was in we we'd been having this conversation with me and my boys the other day, and it it it brings me back to the things that we're trying to do with with this whole platform.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And the idea that I know I know for a fact that we stay consistent in what we're doing, and we don't we don't wander, we don't falter. We we stay in our lane that we're doing with with our paths that we've set. Yeah. And in who knows? It could be 5 years.
Danny:Could be 10 years. But those people that meet us in 10 years will never know the struggles that we went through to get there. Yeah. You know? And so this right here to me is how I gauge it because I think we are moving in the right direction.
Tyler:Dude, super insightful. I appreciate the topic.
Danny:You with your working towards your masters on to help with family therapy and to help with therapy, myself continuing to breathe and work with High Life breathing and and getting it getting those those ideas out there along with what we're doing on on this platform Mhmm. Is only gonna project us and propel us to be very successful men
Tyler:Mhmm.
Danny:That people look to and be like, oh, I wanna be like Tyler and Dan.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah.
Danny:You know? And the guys that are just barely starting, like, their podcast stuff and their Yeah. Their social media stuff are, like, asking us questions like we are like, we like, we know how we're doing. Yeah. You know, we're like, shit, man.
Danny:We go and do a basement and just Yeah. Get down and talk and one rap, and we're going. And Yeah. I think it's amazing. And so I think if if if that's all if that's it, if that's it, 85 year old Danny will be stoked Yeah.
Danny:That I experienced this in my life. Right. You know what
Tyler:I mean? We put it out there. It's gonna live on YouTube forever.
Danny:I know. And I have a friend like you. Yeah. You know?
Tyler:For sure.
Danny:Because because we're pretty busy right now. We don't see each other as much as we have before in the past. Yeah. But it's not like I get upset or anything because I'm just stoked that that you're doing what you're doing.
Tyler:It's it is it is amazing because I do feel like we have one of those friendships where, like, it it is busy. You got the wrestling, and I'm working. And, like, I well, we'll check-in on each other. You were very good at, like, I'm I hope I'm doing better at, like, you know, hey. I haven't heard from you in a few days.
Tyler:Like, let's just check-in. But it's like it's never one of those things where it's like we I feel like we could pick up right where we left off, and I think that's the beautiful thing about that about our relationship. So, yeah, super grateful for that.
Danny:Yeah. What you got coming up
Tyler:a couple weeks? Man, just trying to keep warm. Dude. It is stupid cold. Yes.
Tyler:Stupid cold.
Danny:Insane. Yeah. I had to I put every layer of clothing that I possibly could put on Yeah. Just to go outside. Yeah.
Danny:Yeah. So gross. I got I don't
Tyler:I don't have much going on, you know, Just keeping keeping warm. I don't think I'm gonna make it to Florida Florida this year.
Danny:Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah.
Tyler:I'm I'm super bummed about it, but just budget wise, that's that's one of the other things I'm trying to work on. I'm trying to get good with money. Get good with money. I got that's the name of the book I'm reading right now.
Danny:Get good with money.
Tyler:Get good with money. Guys. Because I like money and money likes me. Yeah. Sure.
Tyler:Yeah. So we're we're trying to get good with it.
Danny:Good. Good.
Tyler:So really just just training, you know, gonna try to ski a little bit and, you know, just be with my kids.
Danny:Yeah. And, yeah. Hopefully, I'm I'm trying my hardest to get off next Monday so I can come train and see you guys and make sure I'm there for you that night. Yeah. We got we're busy with wrestling.
Danny:Well, I Florida. And then come home, wrestle for a couple days, and then leave New Mexico
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Couple days.
Tyler:Do you have any, contenders for state?
Danny:No. No.
Tyler:The new too new of a program?
Danny:But we do have some kids that will definitely turn some heads. Cool. We have we are a fledgling program. We are learning a lot with each other. It's it's a very cool dynamic to have a father and son be able to be Yeah.
Danny:On the same page, and we have 2 of those. Me and Tristan and then Larry and Jared, both father and sons, and we get along. We'd you know, we don't butt heads over everything. We let we let the proof be in the pudding. Yeah.
Danny:The kids are starting to buy in. We're really working hard on mentality right now. We're really working hard on, like, enjoying the moment and, like, feeling like you belong there and not, like, I'm a poser and because some of these kids are really, really good and, like, you can get really, really good with wrestling in a very short amount of time if you trust every single thing that the coach teaches you and you do exactly the way the coach teaches you. If you think, oh, I'm a do it this way, it's just like jujitsu. If we did it our own way Yeah.
Danny:We have to go back and correct so much. Yeah. So if we just do it the way the professor teaches us, then you're 5, 10, 15 steps ahead of everybody else. Right? Yeah.
Tyler:Because you're like,
Danny:oh, I've seen this before. Oh, I've seen this before. Oh, I've seen this before. So it's repetitive. Right?
Danny:Yep. And with grappling arts, repetitive repetitiveness is the key. You just do the same thing over and over and over and over, and then you find little tricks to get you back to that position that's makes you happy again. That's how wrestling is. So I think that we'll turn some heads.
Danny:I think that we'll improve a lot, and, I'm excited. Learning the parent side and the budget side and the bullshit Yeah. Is not fun. I was on a conversation with Kurt, Fudge today, who, thank goodness, he takes the time. He's so busy.
Danny:But we're on an hour conversation of just some of these things that I just gotta get better at, you know, which is why I did this so that Tristan didn't have to deal with the shit that that I have to deal with, which is the books and the bullshit. Yeah. It's a lot. Yeah. Yeah.
Danny:So I appreciate this conversation. I'm so excited to talk to you about this. Yeah. I was like, I'll I'm not even joking when I tell you. I almost texted you last night so you could have preparation.
Tyler:I'm so glad you didn't.
Danny:Yeah. So So
Tyler:glad you did. It makes the conversation that much more organic and authentic. And that's what we strive for. Right? Like, no, you know, no filters on this on this, this.
Tyler:It's it's raw. It's real. It's what it it's, you know I agree. Then maybe a little bit of editing, but
Danny:Yeah. Nothing that takes away from the
Tyler:whole
Danny:Yeah. The whole dynamic of it. So cool, man. Well, I appreciate you.
Tyler:Yeah. Appreciate you.
Danny:Grateful for you.
Tyler:And here's to our listeners. Thank you. Hit us up on socials. Yep. If you got questions, if you want a topic that we wanna or a book you want us to review Yep.
Tyler:We're we're we're taking ideas and and open to discussing things that that maybe you're struggling with.
Danny:Yeah. For sure. And, come see me at Highlife Breathing if you're looking to get into any kind of breathing help with your life, if you're just looking for space, we can hold space, we can both both do that for men. If you're looking for paths, things to change, areas that to improve, don't be that guy that just beats the shit up beats the shit out of yourself Right. Because you don't see yourself as who society's supposed to see you as.
Danny:Yep. Keep keep hanging in there because
Tyler:Keep fighting the good fight.
Danny:Shit's not that serious.
Tyler:It's not that serious.
Danny:Sunday open mat Sunday open mats?
Tyler:Yes. I'll be there.
Danny:Come come see us in
Tyler:Come see us in open mat. Yeah. Especially if you disagree.
Danny:Come hang out. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. Alright.
Danny:Cheers, everybody. Cheers.
