Little Sips and Save Your Grips
Welcome to the last Boy Scouts podcast. We're your host. I'm Danny.
Tyler:And I'm Tyler. We're super excited to have you join us for another episode, whether you're, catching us on, your favorite podcast, preview area or you're you're hitting the the YouTube. We just appreciate a little bit of your attention.
Danny:Yeah. We're gonna start with the cheers.
Tyler:Cheers, for sure.
Danny:Cheers, brother.
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. We just got out of some monster rolls tonight.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:Monster roll. Twenty rounds?
Danny:Twenty rounds. It was good. We use I usually don't stay for 20 rounds on, Thursday because, I go to work 4 o'clock in the morning and, get off, go teach 2 kids classes, and then usually stay for adult class, but, man, Nick showed up and
Tyler:Yeah. When the black belt shows up, you wanna be there.
Danny:He's such got such a good presence on the mat. Like, when he comes on the mat, you can feel that everybody's energy changes.
Tyler:Yep.
Danny:And and everybody knows that, like, you have to up your game when he's on the mat, So you can feel that everybody's kinda, like, preventing or or holding on to a little bit cause they know they have to go with him.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:And he can make you move and do a lot of things to you.
Tyler:Which brings us to our topic. Right? Little sips and save your grips.
Danny:Little sips, save your grips. That's, we like that.
Tyler:Yeah. And I know that we were we promised a a guest for jujitsu lifestyle part 3. I think we're gonna save that because we've had some, had some things come up that we're we just we just really wanna rap about.
Danny:Right.
Tyler:And, ultimately, we don't wanna become a jiu jitsu podcast, although we're always likely going to be talking about it. Yeah. I really do think we wanna serve men's mental health, men's issues Yeah. And those kind of things. But for us right now, jujitsu is the way we work through a lot of those issues.
Danny:It is. Yeah. And we we can always, like, reference back to Jiu Jitsu and have, like, little tidbits from Jiu Jitsu or little tidbits from, professor that we can throw in there. Yeah. But like you said, we don't wanna be a jujitsu podcast.
Danny:That's not kind of our platform. No.
Tyler:I mean, yeah. It is a it's a huge part of our life style. In fact, we had this amazing opportunity to meet with master Sour
Danny:It was awesome.
Tyler:This Tuesday.
Danny:Man, we are so lucky that that was our we talked about this before, lineage. But, if you don't know, Master Sour Pedro Sour, unassuming. Unassuming when you meet him, such a nice guy. When he talks to you, he's, like, has this really cool way of delivery. Like, this really cool delivery.
Danny:And when he talks to you, Tripp and I were talking this about this on the way home. He makes you believe that he knows you.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:He has that really good gift, and I think, like, I wanna develop that.
Tyler:Oh, yeah.
Danny:I want people to think that I that, like, that I'm their that that I really am that that I really am your friend. Yeah. You know?
Tyler:Yeah. And I mean, he he takes everyone hit in his association under his wing. He was really pushing for affiliate days amongst his association. Those people that prescribed his flavor Yeah. Of jujitsu, his academies, or his like, it it's really it is an association.
Tyler:It's the the Page of Sour, under Gracie Jiu Jitsu Association.
Danny:Yeah. So a little backstory. He was born and raised in Rio de Janeiro. He told us about that. And he did other martial arts, but his best friend or his good friend just happened to be Hicks and Gracie.
Danny:Right. Could you imagine that you're that later on in life, you're, like, you know, you meet you're 15 years old, and that's your friend, and you're, like, you whatever. You're getting into trouble surfing and all that stuff, and he's his friend. Right? Yeah.
Danny:And hitting the, Hixson was telling him all the time, like, come to come to jujitsu. Come do this jujitsu that we're doing. And finally, eventually, Master Sour goes and his instructors, Helio and Hixson. And he said, my partner for the first however many years, I can't remember what he said. It was, like, 20 years.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:His partner was Hickson Gracie. That's who he went to train with.
Tyler:Which in reality, that's through his black belt. Right? Up until you get your black belt, you are training with basically the the seeds of of what is Brazilian jiu jitsu. Right. The original the original
Danny:The originals. The OGs. The OGs. The OGs. Yeah.
Tyler:Man, he'd I I loved that he was, like, the first thing that out of his mouth was white belt mentality. White man mentality. Yeah. Right? And because we've we've we've pushed that topic so much here on the podcast and and how it is reinforced.
Tyler:You're just, like, I get it. You bring that mentality with you in any aspect of your life that I'm constantly learning.
Danny:Yeah. Yeah. Everything he said was we're gonna talk about this as a white belt. Mhmm. I'm gonna approach this and remember, we're white belts.
Danny:Yeah. And eventually, he gets his black belt from Helio and also from Hixson, because Hixson was he was he was a big part of, Hixson's life that he gets a black belt from both of them. And he of his lineage, he's one of only 16 black belts awarded by master Helio Gracie. Wow. He only gave 16 black belts, and, Pedro Sauer is one of those guys.
Tyler:So the author of the bible here,
Danny:Helio. Yeah.
Tyler:Right there. You probably can't see him right here. If you're on the YouTube,
Danny:you can see There it is.
Tyler:There's the Bible. Yep. So the the man that authored the Bible here, the the jiu jitsu Bible.
Danny:Yeah. And he talked about a little bit about, like, his how he ended up in Utah. But he comes to Utah in 1990. It's like December and he comes in the cold. Yeah.
Danny:Living from he went from, Brazil to California with Hixson to start, helping Hixson run his schools out there in California. And then he comes to Utah And he there was some of the black belts that he actually started with at that seminar, which is in itself is such a cool idea because Right. We're standing looking at these black belts that we know Mhmm. That we don't even feel like are this hierarchy of black belts. And when you're training jiu jitsu, like, you almost lose sight because you're around them so often that these guys are, like, the the royalty of Utah.
Danny:You know? Yeah. And our professor, Mike Diaz, is in that lineage of people that he he gives a black that that he awarded black belts to.
Tyler:Right. He's in the main trunk.
Danny:He is.
Tyler:Like, a main a main branch, a big branch.
Danny:A big branch. And and he talked about that, but one of the things that, Master Sours, known for is everybody knows about the Gracie combat or the Gracie fights, and that's where they would test their the Gracie system against other martial arts. And you could come in and you could challenge, a Gracie black belt or a Gracie fighter, and you they would have these these little fights and and that you tested yourself your skill against their skill, and they wanted to prove that their their skill was was valuable. Yeah. You know?
Danny:Yeah. And in Utah, Master Sour ends up in 19 94 ish, fights, mister Utah, Lance Bachelor. Yeah. And he's a huge, weightlifter.
Tyler:Which I mean, a big dude. Not super tall, and you can you can Google the video. I watched the video earlier today, and then I watched, Master Sour breakdown the video, and I learned some interesting tidbits, which I'll interject as you tell the story here. Sure.
Danny:And, it we're gonna put the link on our on our website. We're gonna put the link with our social media stuff just because I think it's a it's cool. It it's really interesting to watch this this fight happen. And if you're a jiu jitsu practitioner, you'll understand that he's self defense fully self defense. And his only strikes are just to advance position.
Danny:Yep. Right? And so he ends up fighting Lance and arm bars him in the fight, and there's so many things that are happening, and they describe what's going on. Right?
Tyler:Yeah. Yeah. And then and literally, the moves that he uses are straight from the white to blue test.
Danny:Really? Like,
Tyler:the the moves that you would use. Right? That close the distance as he's opening up the fight. They close the distance. Right?
Tyler:The few strikes that he does, you know, land are, you know, just to to enhance his position. And ultimately, we know he wants to get it to the ground. Right. He he doesn't want to he doesn't wanna stand with, you know, mister Utah because he's a he's a Huge. Barrel chested dude.
Tyler:Yeah. And, you know, it's interesting because he didn't he had never seen this person before. They happened to be going to a radio station here in Utah, and, you know, somebody had lined up, Pedro to or Master Sour to to talk about jujitsu on this on the local radio here in Utah.
Danny:Right.
Tyler:And, that's when kind of the fight kind of started happening. There was this this body builder that was kinda saying, like, he didn't think that he he thought it was all size and muscle. Right. Size size and muscle will always brute force will always, you know, win the day.
Danny:Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. And for those of us in this, art, we always have to remember that it's a martial art. Mhmm.
Tyler:That it
Danny:is a martial art. And, master Sour was saying that our number one job is to keep our body healthy.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And in the fight, he does a really good job of taking no damage. Mhmm. No damage. And there's blood on the ghee, but it's not from him.
Tyler:I mean, he didn't really even look like he was out of breath. Yeah. Like, I got done with training today, and I'm, like, I tried to use what he said on Tuesday to, like, you know, save 35% so you can come back tomorrow. Yeah. And I'm like, that that's that's always kinda my goal.
Tyler:Right? I don't wanna burn myself out. I'm 40 years old, 40 plus years old, and, you know, I I wanna be I want I see myself as a black belt someday. And so I wanna save that energy so I have it, you know, for those those younger guys.
Danny:And Yeah.
Tyler:You you definitely feel that that when they talk about the white belt spazzy, it's the lack of skill and the the exertion of force Right. And pure muscle.
Danny:And you think that that's going to do what and and that and you can see Lance, in this fight believe that he's gonna be able to overpower and outstrength master Sauer.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And there is little to no exertion that's that master sour does. And at the end of the day, we we that's how we want to approach life. We wanna always have something extra in the gas tank, and he talked about that like you just said. Yeah. He talked about that extensively.
Danny:Save your body. Save some save some gas to come back for tomorrow because at the end of
Tyler:the day,
Danny:we need you on the mats. Right?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And in, at the end he he does beat Lance, and you can kinda watch the video, and there's some excitement. There's some there's some controversy at the end because I don't think Lance wanted to own up to what happened. Mhmm. And when you Google that or you watch it, you can go to Reddit and see, like, some of the controversy that came out of it. And you'll watch the video, and you're, like, that's not true.
Tyler:In in the in the breakdown video that I watch of of Master Sour kind of talking about it, he says he heard he heard his elbow pop.
Danny:Right.
Tyler:He heard the elbow pop. He he knew it was injured and or broken.
Danny:Right.
Tyler:And and Lance probably wasn't aware that he had heard him, so maybe, you know, I don't I don't know. I haven't read much of that controversy on Reddit or anything like that, but you can tell when you've you you can feel
Danny:You know.
Tyler:You know. Right? If it's happened to you, if you've been in that position, you know you you're in a precarious position.
Danny:Yeah. And, just so we wrapped it up with, Master Sour, when you meet him, it's it's awesome. And I'm sure that that that's with every, jujitsu practitioner at that level. They really are unassuming. Mhmm.
Danny:They talk very quietly, and they say that the best way to self defense against a fight is to walk away.
Tyler:Walk away. Well, I loved I loved he told so many stories. He's a he's a he's such a such an orator, such a troubadour.
Danny:He does.
Tyler:He tells all these stories about, you know, taking people to Brazil and taking them to the the statue of Christ and, like, how this young man is trying to hustle this this bunch of, tourists that that Master Sauer is is kinda guiding around the statue. And, you know, the police show up and the police are, like, you know who you're messing with. Right? Like, to this to this hoodlum, this street hood
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:That thinks he's tough stuff. You know, the police who have trained jiu jitsu there in Brazil are like, that he's like a coral belt in jiu jitsu.
Danny:In jiu jitsu.
Tyler:Yeah. He's like, you should beat him up. You should've just I should've just let you beat him up. Yeah.
Danny:We'll walk away.
Tyler:We'll walk away.
Danny:It was awesome. And, he ends up he he got, in 2,005, he was awarded the best jiu jitsu teacher. That's what they they think he's the best jiu jitsu teacher. And when you take a seminar from him, he does a really good job of breaking down the technique from the very beginning of a white belt, how a white belt would use it. And as you keep going, he does add on to higher belts.
Danny:But he showed a technique, and I watched all the black belts go and and and and then try it because they said, well, I never seen that. Yeah. I never seen him do that before.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:I never seen how he manipulated the arm, locked the arm, and they were all trying and doing the moves that he was showing. And to me, that's what you want.
Tyler:That's funny because in the breakdown video, he tells that he he tells a story about how he's teaching a a a police seminar in Murray High School, down in Salt Lake, And Lance's coach shows up to the the seminar, and he didn't he had no clue what an armbar was. No clue. And he showed him, you know, the position that he got him in, and and he still felt like even after showing the coach that the coach had, he wasn't prepared. He wasn't ready.
Danny:Right.
Tyler:He wasn't ready. And the interesting thing was is, like, this fight took place a few weeks after UFC won. Oh. The very first UFC. And that's I think that's kind of what sparked the radio conversation, and that's what sparked this kind of exhibition match.
Tyler:People were kinda hyped because, you know, Gracie ends up Gracie ends up winning that that that, Ultimate Fighter won
Danny:Right.
Tyler:Which was a wild format back
Danny:in the day, like Crazy.
Tyler:Way different than what we
Danny:Yeah. We know now.
Tyler:What we see today.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:But just his his need to not, like he didn't he knew he needed he doesn't need brute force anymore. He doesn't need to flex. He doesn't he knows he can protect himself.
Danny:Right.
Tyler:He's built up enough confidence, and that's what you do by showing up to the mats every day. You build up enough self confidence in your skill and in yourself that you know you're mentally tough.
Danny:Right.
Tyler:That you don't it it doesn't affect your nervous system when some young street hood is is up in your face because you're, you know, you you've took away his hustle.
Danny:Right.
Tyler:And that's why walking away is you can do that. Mhmm. You know, your ego likely won't allow you to do that if you are not able to really interpret the messages that your nervous system is is is telling you. Right? You get stuck in that fight or flight, and you've now gotta I've gotta I gotta puff my chest up.
Tyler:Yeah. I gotta be I gotta be a man. I gotta I gotta I gotta show my virility, or I've gotta show
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:I gotta exhibit this masculinity or whatever we wanna call, whatever that is, that machismo, that bravado. Right? Like, you bump chest and and, you know, hopefully, somebody's level headed enough to to walk away. But if not, and it escalates into to violence. Right?
Tyler:You know that you can take care of yourself. Yeah. And it's it just becomes something that you don't need anymore.
Danny:Yeah. And you don't have, like you said, you do not have to prove it. You don't have to show what your strengths are because your friends know your strengths. Right. And your friends are the ones that you practice your techniques with on the mats.
Danny:Mhmm. They're the ones that love you.
Tyler:And and
Danny:he kept saying to share information, to share tidbits, to to share jiu jitsu. Don't hide jiu jitsu. And he said, always smile. Either you're gonna have a good day or you're gonna have a great day. And I always think about that because professor told us that one day, any day on the mat, you're gonna it's a good day.
Danny:If you get a if you get a submission, great day. Yeah. Great day. Yeah. But if you don't, it's okay.
Danny:You just had a good day. You know? So not every day is great, but every day is good. You know? And we don't have to, like you said, we don't have to go out there and puff our chest and fight every fight.
Danny:Look for every submission. We need to save our grips
Tyler:Mhmm.
Danny:And take little sips.
Tyler:Like like like eating hot soup.
Danny:Like, eating hot soup. What a Jeff, Professor Curran, Jeff Curran, if you guys don't know him also, he, under Master Sour, he moved to Utah just to be with Master Sauer Yeah. And train, and we went to his, camp in Florida. Great guy, Jeff Gran. We, we appreciate everything he does, but he's the first one that told the story of the soup.
Danny:And the idea is you don't grab a hot bowl of soup and chug it and just put it in your mouth and burn your mouth. Yeah. What you do is you take little sips because that's how you're gonna enjoy it, and you're not gonna burn your mouth.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:That's the same way you approach jujitsu. Just little sips. Yeah. Little sips. And and he was, Master Sour was saying around the edge, Make sure you stay around the edge.
Danny:Don't go in the middle because it's it's too hot. Yeah. And, those little tidbits, those little tiny things that you can pick up from these unassuming individuals is where where we wanna go with this with this podcast. Mhmm. Because, Tyler and I, we are not aggressive.
Danny:I've had moments in my life where and and and I appreciated what he said about this. He said, the people that you're are your friends, though you were your friends, like, when you were aggressive, like, when I was an aggressive man, when I would like to fight, go to the bar, and everybody knew that I was gonna pick a fight. And I now looking back at that, I'm not a not a big fan of that about myself. But he said, the people that know you then that knew you then, and now that you're doing jiu jitsu, they know that there's a difference. Yeah.
Danny:They know there's a difference in you.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:And that's jiu jitsu.
Tyler:So somebody tell my that's another popular trope that's going around. Somebody tell my ex girlfriend that I got my blue belt. Yeah. That's such a funny one. Right.
Danny:Yeah. And, the idea is is when you meet these men and especially, like, Tyler and I, we don't know everything, and we're not we're not saying that we know everything. But there is an idea now in certain social media influences where it's all about aggressive and all about agro and all about, I'm the most dominant alpha male figure, and you should buy into what I'm selling because I have the plane. I have the girls. I have the the the this aggressive personality, and I have this tough look, and I have all these muscles.
Danny:And when you sell that picture to young men who are lost
Tyler:Mhmm.
Danny:And who don't have the idea that that that person is also doing the WWE
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Figurine match macho man macho man Randy Savage. Right. That's still just a persona.
Tyler:Yes.
Danny:Right?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And not everybody can reach that level. And I get what they're saying. I understand what some of these people say, but we're unassuming.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:We don't have all the answers. We've we're still making our own mistakes. Right? Yeah. And we're in our little environment and our our common unity, and I I'm not as I'm not a big figured man.
Danny:I carry myself well, I think, but I'm not aggressive, and I don't wanna portray that.
Tyler:Yeah. I I think it's it's, you know, I I don't wanna call it toxic man masculinity Sure. But it it it kind of is old school masculinity in the sense that it's, like, you know, everybody everybody kind of idolizes the, rip rip from Yellowstone.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:Or you know what I mean? Not like, oh, I'm gonna kick some guy's ass and, you know, nobody can kick my ass or it's like this this bullshit bravado.
Danny:Right. That you
Tyler:this like, it is it's a a it's a front that you have to put up. And I think, recently, you know, I I sent you a message.
Danny:Yeah. And and and you were it triggered you.
Tyler:It it I was definitely triggered. Yeah. I was definitely triggered. And I think this the line in that triggered me most was that, you know, this coach that I've I've paid, actually said the world needs less compassion. Right.
Tyler:And I'm like, that's bullshit. The world has been operating on less compassion for most of, our human existence.
Danny:Right.
Tyler:Right? You know, I don't care what race, creed, or or religion, or spirituality you subscribe to. At the end of the day, I respect, I see the divinity in you as a human being, and and I hope that and and I respect it, and I hope that you do the same. But to to operate on this machismo of the world needs less compassion is is bullshit. Yeah.
Tyler:It's absolutely your dad not asking for directions, teaching you horseshit principles Right. For a for a lack of better a lack of better term. And when you see coaches that operate in this manner, that operate, and I'm gonna call out Watson Fitt. I don't know if anybody's seen him on Instagram. He's a huge dude.
Tyler:He's huge. Huge. And he's got millions of followers. He reminds me of a Dan Blizron. Do you remember that?
Tyler:Can you remember that character? Yeah. Right? Like, where it's like and and that is part of the problem with the social media to today, and this is why you probably see me posting a lot less. And what I do post, I'm very curated.
Tyler:I'm almost a little intimidated. Not not that because I don't wanna be this cult of personality.
Danny:Right.
Tyler:Right? Because the cult of personality, I believe at its core, at its intrinsic core is narcissism. Right. It's protecting my ego. Right.
Tyler:Right? I don't care about you unless you listen and do what I say. Right. I don't care about you. Right.
Tyler:I don't if you wanna follow what I have to say and what I'm teaching, what I'm doing, and and I will coach you as long as you walk this path, then you are good. Then that that is that is cult of personality.
Danny:Right.
Tyler:And I I've escaped that already once in my life.
Danny:Right. Right. And it's hard it's hard because you can find value in stuff that they're saying. Like, you know, you know, I, I appreciate like, what Jocko, Goggins, some of those guys do. Like, I appreciate what they do.
Danny:I don't personally wake up at 4:30 in the morning
Tyler:Right.
Danny:And go and do these crazy things and I, but I appreciate what they do.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:I, I think it's, it's a very select few people that have that ability. I know some people that have that ability that can wake up and do those things. I just I can't. But I don't think myself less Right. Because I don't.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:I don't see myself in the mirror as don't be a puss, Get your ass up. Go do this bullshit. And I'm, like, man, I'm not going to. I'm not going to. I'm I know that about myself.
Danny:Yeah. I have a hard time getting in the cold plunge. 100%. Yeah. I will tell you that it's one of the greatest things that you should do.
Danny:I preach it like it's nobody's business. Yeah. I don't personally get in the cold plunge every day. Tripp, he gets in there, and he stays in there, and he's and he's got his music going, jumps in there and he can go in there for 5 minutes. Yeah.
Danny:Sometimes he's like, dad, come on. And I'm like, nope. Not gonna do it. Yeah. I don't see myself less, but if I prescribe to those or if I if I believed in those ideologies that I'm less of a person, then I'm going backwards.
Danny:Right. Do I have a strong personality to go, doesn't really matter to me what you think. Yeah. Sometimes. But what I think about that when I hear those things and when I watch those things is somebody's listening to that guy and they cannot live up to what he's saying.
Danny:Absolutely. And they see themselves as less. Yes. And so that cult personality, they cannot get to that point.
Tyler:Yes.
Danny:But they can't stand strong enough and go, I'm I'm still okay.
Tyler:No. And then then and I think in intrinsically, that was was my issue. Right? When we see this cult of personality acting like this, and we we accept this, and we adopt this, we have issues where we go out and we we're not kind to women. We see women as a body count.
Tyler:Yeah. We see we see money as a way of of proving our worth. And when you see statistics like the the percentage of men that actually commit suicide Yeah. It's like something in the 80 80 percent of of suicides are white males.
Danny:Right. And
Tyler:that's not I'm not cool with that.
Danny:No.
Tyler:And I'm not cool with that because we we we they believe they had likely what's led them to that is this belief that they have to be the this impossible standard.
Danny:Right.
Tyler:And and it's not about the impossible standard. It's about the baby steps, the incremental process, the showing up for yourself every day. If you stop showing up for yourself, you're not in the gym or you're not doing something to move your body, yeah. I get it. Let's let's do something.
Tyler:Let's fix that. What are the things that are in your control? I love, Jockos has this quote about mind control. Right? And it's not about controlling somebody else's mind.
Tyler:It's about what thoughts you can control in your mind.
Danny:Right.
Tyler:And what are you in control of? What are you capable of? And and setting some goals and putting yourself on a path. Get yourself on a routine. You know, I know you I know you don't wake up at 4:30 every in the or in the morning, but I do know you have a breath work routine in
Danny:the morning.
Tyler:I do. And I know you've got a stretching routine every morning. Yeah. You're not, like, immediately waking up and and scrolling Facebook.
Danny:Right.
Tyler:You're not immediately jumping on, you know, Instagram.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:You're not jumping on the porn websites.
Danny:Right.
Danny:Right? Like Yeah. Gosh. That in itself, like, all those little things that that people get lost in.
Tyler:Exactly.
Danny:And I think like I said, I think that that the the Watson fit Yeah. Watson fit. I I I read I watched some of his things, and like I said, I think he has a place. I think they have a place with certain people, with certain individuals. But what about the people that cannot that that do wake up and go, this is my life.
Danny:Yeah. This is my life. And I'm going to I I log into my social media. The next thing I know, I'm looking at OnlyFans, and then I'm down the path of these dopamine hits that are causing me to feel inadequate. Absolutely.
Tyler:Those are the type of people that where where life is happening to them.
Danny:To them.
Tyler:They haven't figured out. They are in charge of making life happen for them.
Danny:Right.
Tyler:And and I'll be the first to admit, I've spent a majority of my life in that spot. Life is happening to me. Why is this shit happening to me? Right. Not understanding, that that how much more I was in control of, how much more effort I could be putting in.
Danny:Right.
Tyler:And and it does take sometimes it takes the help of a therapist.
Danny:Mhmm.
Tyler:Sometimes it takes the help of a coach. Sometimes it takes the help of a friend or a a mentor or a jujitsu buddy. But you have to be humble enough to ask. Right. You have to be humble enough to say, I'm I'm I'm really struggling with this.
Tyler:I'm really struggling with with with Pornhub. Yeah. You know?
Danny:Yeah. Yeah. And and and you have to understand that, like, who you asked for help from. Because, like, what if I asked for help from this, like, agroaggressive person that I'm already intimidated by, and I asked him for help. And he's, like, well, I don't wanna help you.
Tyler:Quit being a bitch.
Danny:Quit being a bitch. Yeah. That toughen up.
Tyler:Toughen up.
Danny:Man up. And you're like, I don't know how. Yeah. I'm I'm telling you, I don't know how.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:And you just start pretending, emulating everything that they're doing and all of your friends and all of the people around you that you're around, who know you for who you are are, like, that's not really who you are. Yeah. And now they're even more turned off.
Tyler:Yes.
Danny:And now you put all this effort into being this person who you think you're supposed to be, but you can never attain. You never can get there because your personality because you may have some softness. I have a lot of emotion. Mhmm. I was raised by a single mom.
Danny:Right. I was both my brother and I were around 3 girls. We we are strong men, but we have a lot of emotions. We, in certain things, we could probably be like soft, soft. We may have some ideas that we just are not manly in other people's ideas.
Danny:Right?
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And so if you're in that little environment and you cannot get to this, I'm gonna be aggressive. I'm gonna be an alpha. I'm gonna do this. Then what happens? You start pretending, then you're angry at all the people that was crazy.
Tyler:Yeah. That's
Danny:the first thing that happened. That but you go you get angry, and now what happens? You need to release all of this aggression, and you don't know how, so you start doing some crazy things.
Tyler:Right. And I I look at the the the dating scene and and how broken it is out there. Like, you you know, you're you you go break a woman, and now she's broken for somebody that is that is has done the work. Right? Yeah.
Tyler:You know what I mean? Or you go break your son, and he's then perpetuating the the the the cycle of trauma. Right. And and and so that's the goal that's the goal, I think, that we are trying to to to challenge men too. Like, little sips.
Danny:Yeah. Little sips.
Tyler:You know? There are demons you have to address. Mhmm. Sit with yourself. Learn to interpret the messages that your body and nervous system are are giving you because that's what they are.
Tyler:Don't anesthetize them. Don't don't numb them Right. Through the the various amount of drugs, whether it's a drug drug or it's a synthetic drug like video games or social media
Danny:Right.
Tyler:Right, do the work to make those tiny steps day by day. I I I've been going to Al Anon just because I find love that. I love so I find so much value in the 12 step program that I just wanted to learn more about it. Like and, you know, Al Anon is for friends and relatives of alcoholics. And while I I I don't all have a direct tie to those, those groups, you could put in any addiction.
Tyler:Right? Because addiction, it comes in many forms these days. We can be addicted to food. We can be addicted to a lot of things, but the the principles of Al Anon are so simple. Mhmm.
Tyler:There's all of these little mantras and and statements that they give you day by day. You know? Yeah. Let go and let god. Right?
Tyler:Like and it's it's these little things that that we use to reinforce ourselves when we don't have our our jujitsu partner. Right. When we don't have our our therapist on speed dial. These little things that we can, we can rely on.
Danny:And it is.
Tyler:It's just baby steps. It is really just baby steps to get us to to that thing. And there's no there's no finish line. I'll never be, you know, complete. I will always be a work in progress.
Danny:Yeah. For sure.
Tyler:But I will always be in connection, and I believe the highest currency you can have as a male is your own self awareness.
Danny:Right. For sure. It it really is. It really is accountability.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Like, knowing when you're doing something wrong. Mhmm. You know when you're doing something that doesn't feel correct.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:When it doesn't feel like it's your path, when it doesn't feel like it's your your your purpose. And we talked about like this, and we're going to cover this in a in a in a in a new in another episode
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Of whenever a man is doing his purpose, whenever he's doing his purpose, he knows. He feels great about himself. He feels so confident. He doesn't have to act. He doesn't have to pretend.
Danny:He is fully inside of himself, fully aware of himself, and he's doing his purpose. And I've heard that from other men, other people that I subscribe to. And part of that also is is continuing to ask questions that will gain you further ground in the next step. Right?
Tyler:Right.
Danny:When we go back to, jujitsu, if you start as a white belt, then you're, like, okay. What's the next progression? Yeah. What's the next progression in that move? What's the next progression?
Danny:And that is such a cool way to to look at things and always knowing that if you if you fail, just go back to square 1. Yeah. Just start back at the beginning Right. And life is over.
Tyler:And there's no shame in it.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:Right? And I have been, and I and I speak from experience because my mess is my message. Right? Mhmm. So I will I I I should give credit where credit that that credit is due.
Tyler:So the same coach that said, you know, the world needs needs, less compassion. He also said, your mess is your message. Right. And I'm I'm here I'm here. I'm I'm I'm believe of that.
Tyler:Right? Like, I if if you wanna live via negativa, you can look at the way I've lived in certain aspects, and you're more than welcome to pull from these examples. I'll give them
Danny:to you for free. Sure.
Tyler:Because it is my self awareness that has set me free from them. And I'm not trying to be or die on my sword here or or or say that I'm perfect, but, I I am a work in progress. I'm a work in progress every day, but we we have to be kind to ourselves. Right. We have to be compassionate with ourselves.
Danny:We do. Yeah. We have to be compassionate with other men. I believe that a 100%. I believe that you need to be very gentle sometimes with other men because you do not know their story.
Danny:And men sometimes have only 2 switches, off
Tyler:and on. And if you're on that path, if you're on that path to self progression, to conquering your demons, to to mastering yourself, then you don't need to you don't need to chest bump. You don't need to posture. You don't need to do those things.
Danny:Right.
Tyler:You focus completely on your own personal progress.
Danny:Right. Right? Yeah. And we're not saying one thing I wanna make very clear, like, I'm not saying that because of where I'm at in my life and because I'm not as I'm not where I want to be at the end Mhmm. That you shouldn't subscribe to me.
Danny:All I'm saying is is we can do this together.
Tyler:Absolutely.
Danny:And I'm going to be sometimes a pillow, and sometimes I'm gonna be a hand. Yep. Right? Sometimes I'm gonna be soft landing, and other times, I'm gonna smack you and go be like, we gotta get going, man.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:Right? And that's part of what we want to do with every one of our friends, everyone in our community, everyone in our academy, sometimes you have to be like, Hey man, this is the way we do things. And then other times it's, you can't be aggressive because that person may quit. And the ultimate quit is, like I said, I've had 2 friends that that committed suicide. That's the ultimate quit.
Danny:The ultimate quit because I look at it and I go, why? Yeah. My memories are now why? Like, why? What what happened?
Danny:Right. Right? And I'm not saying that that's the way it should it should have unfolded. I'm just saying that I don't know why. Right.
Tyler:I don't know why. And and and that you'll you'll know, you'll never
Danny:You'll never know.
Tyler:You'll never know.
Danny:You
Tyler:know, and and it it comes back to, you know, these type of coaches, this cult of personality. They tell you what to do. And we talked about this on a previous episode where when you tell somebody what to do, it's encoded in, you know, our lowest form of mental functioning, and it's not effective. It's not an effective way to coach to tell somebody what to do. You shouldn't do it with your children.
Tyler:Right? There's there are some ways of setting boundaries. Right? But boundaries are bridges that help us build trust, and we do that's how we should treat our children. Right?
Tyler:We build a boundary for them. You know, we may need to dictate to them. We may need to parent them and that, and that's okay to occasionally step in and say, you need to do this, But then you also need to be able to be compassionate in the way that you tell him to do that so he understands, and it's not encoded in that that that fear. Mhmm. Because if it's encoded in fear, that's that lesson is never learned.
Tyler:You'll end up just having to tell him again. Have you ever find yourself, man, I told him to do a 1,000 times to do it. Right? Yeah. Well, that's why Yeah.
Tyler:You're not teaching the message in a in an effective manner that's that's that's that's that's being learned in long term memory.
Danny:Yeah. Yeah. And that's the roundabout. Like I said, we we're at the end of the day, I'm not purposely calling people out. I'm just saying there's other ways to do things.
Danny:There is other ways. And I'm I can be a very soft pillow
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:And I can be a very strong hand.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:And what I noticed, wrapping this back around to the little sips and save your grips
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:Master Sour, and we had, all these other black belts standing in front of us, and there was some assume there were some people that you're, like, look at that guy, and you're, like, that dude's tough. Yeah. And then you look down the line, and you're, like, man, each of those guys are tough in their own way.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:And you could go to any of them, ask them a question, and they'll show you.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:They're not going to aggressively tune you out, turn you off, get you away from them. They're going to show you. They're going to teach you, and and they're going to tell you the smallest, littlest details of how to find that position. Yeah. And that's
Danny:the kind of person that I want to subscribe to. Yeah. That's the kind of person that I want to subscribe to. Yeah. That's the kind of person that I want to subscribe to.
Danny:Yeah. That's the kind of person that I want to subscribe to. Yeah. And
Danny:that's the kind of person that I wanna subscribe to.
Tyler:Yeah.
Danny:That's the kind of person that I wanna be.
Tyler:Yeah. Little little sips is for me, Take those tiny steps to address those demons. Yeah. The the savior grips, don't grip on to any thought or idea too hard. Right.
Tyler:Be a white belt and be willing to change your mind if you're wrong. Right. Be self aware.
Danny:Be self aware. And those people, like I said, those people have their place. And if you subscribe to them and you feel like what Tyler and I are saying is wrong, We we wanna hear your input. We wanna hear where where you're coming from on that, and I will give you space to listen. I will give I will listen to you.
Danny:I will I will hold space with you. I'll hold court with you. And if we need to escalate it onto the mat, like, oh, I'm I'm I'm not professor said, or master Sauer said, if the attack is on and the submission is about to happen, why are you not gonna smile and laugh, and then hopefully that person shows you that technique. Right. He's like, if if you're the man that's the person that's mad and pissed that that guy tapped you, nobody's gonna wanna show you anything.
Danny:They're just gonna wanna keep tapping you.
Tyler:Right.
Danny:Because they enjoy that. Yes. You know? Right. And I thought that was, I, that was so funny to me because I was like, oh, so true.
Danny:Whenever the academy is buzzing and we talked about the honeycomb buzz, Everybody is smiling. Everybody's laughing. Everybody's having a good time, but there is some serious intention going on in those roles. Absolutely. And people are trying to tap each other, and they are it's a martial art.
Danny:Yeah. And you're trying to survive. And I thought that is such a good way to look at it. And that's a good way to look at life.
Tyler:Right. Just anacondas slowly moving into positions Yeah. Working their magic, and yeah. Yeah. Oh, man.
Tyler:What a fabulous episode, Danny. It
Danny:was fun.
Tyler:I this is thank you. Thank you for holding the space, and thank you for letting me, send you this text and and and working through it and mentally just being able to wrap my head around the the world needs less compassion. Yeah. Because I don't believe it. And if that's what you subscribe to, we're we're more than happy to to go some rounds in the Park City juju jiu jitsu.
Danny:Yeah.
Tyler:We're there every Sunday. Hey. Do you wanna mention the fundraiser that we're doing?
Danny:Yeah. Okay. So, we are working with Utah 1033 Foundation. This foundation is for fallen officers' families. They the foundation takes the money, and they they they make those support the family of fallen officers from the initial go, from from when it happens to I think they even help with scholarships, therapy
Tyler:Cool.
Danny:Helping out with that. So on June 10th in, at our our Lehigh location, June 10th, 6 PM, we're going to have an open mat. That'll be a couple hours. It is it's $10 to do the open mat, and all of these proceeds go to the foundation. We're gonna give this whole entire proceeds to the foundation.
Danny:We're gonna have food trucks, bands, open mat. We are looking for raffle items. We're looking for sponsorship. If you or your company want to donate raffle items, sponsorship, you can contact me at, compassionate_gentleman on Instagram. And, we're going to try to make this event really fun.
Danny:I know some people, that have benefited from this this this little foundation, and it really is a good thing. We wanna, help, with these fallen officers' families. If it happens, we we love our police officers. We love the police officers in our academy, and and we're grateful for what they do and what they put down the line.
Tyler:And it's a community. I know that, I know that police are constantly under fire. Right? Like, they have a very difficult job. They meet with all kinds of different people in various different situations.
Tyler:They're called to be not only to, you know, protect us physically, but oftentimes they're they're they're thrust into situations where there's something more, you know, where a therapist or counseling or or medication may even be be needed. And and and so, you know, it's very important that we support our communities. Right? And and supporting our police, whether it's becoming active in a charity like this or or getting out there and just understanding who the officers and and police officers are in your community or or being aware of of in your neighborhood who who's aware. We so often live in our own bubble.
Tyler:Yep. Get out of your bubble. Let's wrap up today, Jenny. One more I
Danny:wanna make one more. Sure. One more, to one of our listeners. She knows who she is. We're here with you.
Danny:I know you got the news. I know that this is not exactly what you are looking forward in your journey, but we're here for you. We we know you. We love you. And, we're pulling for you.
Danny:I'm sure that everything is going to turn out the way that it's supposed to. And we're giving you a big hug right now. We love you very much. She knows who she is.
Tyler:Yeah. Cheers.
Danny:Cheers. And, so, Tyler, where can we find you?
Tyler:Yeah. Lostboyscouts dotcom, lost boyscouts on, Instagram, Facebook, and or Twitter. Always reach out, man. We love hearing from our fans. We're getting constant feedback more and more downloads.
Tyler:This, this little engine is gaining steam.
Danny:Yep.
Tyler:And we we we're just gonna keep chugging away. So For sure. Please reach out and yeah. Same for you, Danny. How do we get a hold of you?
Tyler:Give us one more time.
Danny:Again, compassionate_gentleman on, Instagram, Facebook. And, like we said, this topic, if you feel, like you wanna discuss it more, you wanna, like, come and pick our brain a little bit more, give your side of how you feel about things, Park City Jujitsu, you know where we're at. We train in Park City. We have an academy in Lehigh, Sunday open mats at 11, AM. And, we're we're here for you.
Danny:We're we we'd we'd like to hear from you. Yeah. I appreciate it. K? Yeah.
Danny:Little sips. Little sips.
