Lost Boy Scouts Podcast

Swell AI Transcript: S1 E6 Gratitude.wav
00:00 Danny Welcome to the Last Boy Scouts podcast. I'm Tyler and I'm Danny. Thanks for joining us today's episode, man.

00:14 Tyler I'm excited to get into talking about gratitude. Yeah, we really like the idea of gratitude and sometimes it's that maybe you weren't taught gratitude or how to correctly display that you're thankful.

00:32 Danny And I'm going to pull up my notes here because I do like to believe it or not, I do like to prepare a few notes here and there. Attitude of gratitude. You know, I think identifying things that we are grateful for, they just kind of mirror areas where we hope to improve. But one of the things that I want to talk about is like, what is your practice of gratitude?

00:52 Tyler Do you have a daily practice of gratitude that you that you partake in? I do. Yeah, I definitely wake up and I splash cold waters on my face right when I wake up. And in that moment, I think to myself, I'm super grateful that I made it through another night and I've woken up and I'm able to start the day over again. And it's such a small thing to do. It's such a small, it's just a small portion of my day. But when I don't wake up splash water on my face, I feel like my day is a little off, like I'm like chasing something or like I'm trying to make some the connections again. And those moments I feel are like why you do your morning rituals. When you show gratitude to yourself, when you tell yourself that you're thankful for what you're doing for yourself, it only makes it so that you are alive and able to show gratitude because you're already practicing it with yourself.

02:03 Danny Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, I think for sure. I think for so long, well, I'm one, I think we're creatures of habit, right? And if we don't build that gratitude practice, we don't always see it. We get stuck in our pre patterns of thought. And as those patterns of thought develop, we may not develop that practice of gratitude. And like that little quote said, we need that gratitude to see where we can make ourselves a little bit better. So one of the things I've noticed specifically as I've gone through gratitude, and I would be remiss if I didn't say I'm really grateful for this podcast. I'm grateful for the people that listen to it, that take the time out of their day to follow us and make comments and reflect back to us because it allows me to become a better man. And same thing, I'm grateful for you. I remember early in my jujitsu journey, like just needing to stay focused on the mat, stay focused on getting in. And you would make a comment like, hey, we're really grateful to have you. And it made me feel welcome. It pushed me to want to come back, especially when I was having those days where I wasn't necessarily in a place of gratitude. As I've kind of gone through my own ketamine journey, one thing I've noticed is that I know the medicine is working when I'm flooded with gratitude. My brain is just kind of flooded with gratitude. And I'm like, wow, I'm so grateful. These are all the people I have to think to thank. And I know that there's podcasts out there, specifically Huberman. He does the science of gratitude. And I think that's a fabulous listen. If you haven't gotten through and listen to the levels of serotonin and dopamine and all that kind of stuff, I don't really understand as a non-scientist. I know that's kind of what's going to work as I go through my ketamine treatments. I've been able to mirror a similar feeling as I've done meditation, whether it's my transcendental meditation, whether it's breath work, just getting into that gratitude state. And I know for some people that prayer is a great way that they can just access that gratitude. But starting your day and even ending your day with a particular practice, incorporating, and it doesn't need to be long. Two to three minutes of just breathing and being grateful. We spend six weeks out of the end of the year on Thanksgiving.

04:36 Tyler And we think that's enough. It's such a weird thing. A lot of times, I think even personally, you're not taught. You're taught at an early age to say thank you, to say thank you, to be thankful. So you tell your kids, say thank you, say please, do these things. But one thing that we practiced with our boys was to look somebody in the eye, to look them in the eye and to take the time to say thank you. Because eye contact is key. And then sometimes what they would do is they'd wait for you to make eye contact before they would say thank you. And we got a lot of compliments about that our boys could always create eye contact and they always could engage with people. And that in itself, we were like, so like, man, what a great compliment of our kids. And so when I'm talking to young people, and I'll always be like, hey, let's make eye contact. Because you want them to know that you're like you said, we have such a small amount of time with each other throughout the day. And so what you want is for you want them to get those feelings, those scientific serotonin, dopamine, all those things you want them to get those from the feeling that somebody gives

06:00 Danny them. Right. So how do we go about creating that that gratitude practice when we maybe aren't able to see things in our life that we're grateful for?

06:09 Tyler Right. Well, and I think part of it is, is taking a moment, just taking a moment and then feeling what your body feels like when you tell yourself, I'm thankful for myself, I'm thankful for what I do, I'm thankful for the path that I'm on. I'm thankful for the people around me. One thing that I do, and I don't know why I started it, but what I would do is I would tell you, thank you for your friendship. You know, I would tell people that I'm and I've done it for a long time. I'm always like, hey, man, thank you for your friendship. And a lot of times people are like, wow, what? That's a great thing to say to somebody. Yeah. And when you take just a moment to really tell somebody that you're thankful for them or thankful for what they bring to your life, they will in turn feel like I want to practice that. I want to do that. I want to be like that. Right. And so that's where we mimic and mirror each other. I don't know if you have anything that you personally do that you're like, this is what I'd like to do.

07:16 Danny Well, I think, yeah, I definitely was caught in a pattern where life was happening to me. And I think that is a particular, like our brain is nothing more than a very complicated muscle. Very, very complicated. We have to like exercise certain things. We have to make things practices. That's why they recommend that you do things a certain number of times to create that habit. Right. And if you don't exercise that way, then you get stuck in the opposite of gratitude or you get stuck in that, that, that those processes of thinking that, that maybe just aren't, aren't healthy. Right. They say that, that having a deliberate gratitude practice actually improves your mental health. It doesn't. It improves your physical health, right? Because you're, you're more, you're just, you're more positive. You have those increased levels of, of, of dopamine and serotonin. And so you're, you're just happier people. And so it was for me, it was a deliberate practice that I had to start. I had to change the old thought pattern and changes is, is, you know, it doesn't matter if you're struggling with addiction or you're struggling with anything that changes is repetitive. So, you know, previously it was, it was prayer prayer was my gratitude practice. The problem I found with prayer is it often came with the expectation of, of something happening back. Right. Yeah. And I don't know if that was necessarily just the way I prayer was brought up in my life, you know, in, in the culture I grew up in, or it was just my own, own misinterpretation. And I'm willing to believe that it was probably just my own misinterpretation.

08:46 Tyler I think that that probably happens a lot with people. And I don't mean to cut you off, but I think that, man, that's super insightful because if you are like, say thank you and you're expecting to somebody say you're welcome. Yeah. Right. And then you're like, what if they don't say you're welcome? And you're like, well, I don't want to say thank you to you anymore. Right. Right.

09:02 Danny And it's such a good, that's such a cool insight. Yeah. And at the end of the day, it doesn't matter, but I have noticed that as I've intensified my gratitude practice that, you know, I do have a healthier outlook on life. I'm more self positive about my, my body, my situation. But there are times when I'm not, I'm not operating on that level. I'm assuming a lot of our listeners are the same way, you know, you have a shitty day or you have a day where things aren't going right and it's hard to find the good stuff. Right. And it's hard to find the gratitude that you need. And I think that's where it's important. And I heard a quote from, from Jaco. One of the things he recommends to do is detach and gain perspective. Right. So detach from the situation, detach from those things, those feelings that are bringing you down and gain perspective. And it's easy to do because you just have to, to, to listen to a story of, you know, think about, you know, and he's obviously comes from a military background, you know, think about the guys storming Normandy. Right. Right. Look at what they had to go through. Now you're not, you know, you're not in that situation. Think about those people that are, that are starving, that have less than you. Sure. And it's not in a, in a, in a, in a method to, to say, oh, I'm better than those people. Right. Just to be grateful, like a simple great gratefulness that you're not in those situations. You're not in those dire straits. Yeah. But if you're in those dire straits, what do you do? How do you detach? Yeah.

10:27 Tyler How do you, how do you take a moment and put aside your own, like when you're in that day, or like, let's say that moment that you're just kind of upset about what's going on. It would be really hard to put aside those feelings that you have because you take ownership of those feelings. Right. You really take ownership of those feelings. And if you can stop pause, right? Press pause for a second. Yep. And then go, okay, what do I have going good for me? What, what is going good for me? We were, we were practicing that with Tripp on the run today. Yeah. We, you know, we, so, so my younger son, Tristan is getting ready for Worlds and he probably doesn't want to go on the run on Mondays. Right. Because it's not, it's not like you're going out there to, to have fun. Right. You're, you're kind of grinding out there and it's not, you're putting in the pavement, right? You're putting in the miles, but we were practicing with him that like everybody's going through what he's going through, but take a moment, take a moment, take a moment, take a breath and remember that in this moment you're doing so good. Right. And you're, you're happy and you can like make yourself happy. And that practice teaching a young man to take a moment is huge because he's 19 years old. He doesn't know how to take a moment. Right.

11:45 Danny Right. Right. There's more that he's got time on his side. He does. Right. And so the, the, the moments are not as cherished.

11:51 Tyler Stop and pause. Stop and pause and just be like, okay, what do I have that I'm thankful for? What am I thankful for? Who am I thankful for? Right. What situation can I find that I'm at this moment grateful for? It's not going to fix everything that's going on.

12:11 Danny Distill it down. What can we distill it down to? And then it, and it may just be, I'm thankful that my eyes opened. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

12:19 Tyler Thankful for this breath. I'm thankful for the breath.

12:21 Danny I'm thankful for the next breath. Yeah. And that, that I still have, you know, if I've got, if I'm breathing, I still have a little bit of fight. Sure. And I can fight against those feelings. And you know what? Today may not be my day, but I'm going to get a good night's rest. I'm going to start over tomorrow. Right. And, and I'm going to fight again. And I'm going to keep fighting.

12:40 Tyler And we'll, our fight and, and what, what could potentially happen is you can find somebody that's willing to fight with you, not against you. Right. Right. And we can always boil that back down to Jujitsu because you, you go in there and you, you fight with each other and you're, some days you come in and you're having a bad day. And when you leave, you're smiling, you're kind of got starry eyes because you got it all out of you. For me personally, what happens, and this is on a small scale, but last Monday we took Jesse with us and Jesse is another person that trains with us, but he brings like this energy to our group. Yeah. Right. And he, there, you always have those people that you want to bring to your party. Right. And Jesse is that guy and he was running, he was like sprinting past Tripp. And so Tristan was having a, having to keep up and he's talking to Tyler and I, and he just is this happy-go-lucky guy. And then at the end he's like, Hey, we're all getting in the canal. And I'm like, Nope, not me. But he did this like super like, come on, we've got to get in here. And this is why, and he starts telling us why. And then finally, I'm like, man, I'm so thankful for him pushing me to get in there because today I was looking forward to it.

13:54 Danny Man. And that's why I love having a group of men because I've definitely been in the, you know, hit the gym and felt like I don't want to be here. I don't want to do this. Yeah. And I never thought I would be grateful for getting my, my head and my body smashed for an hour, but you leave and you're grateful for these. You are grateful. You're grateful that they push you to your limits. You're grateful that they teach you something about yourself in those hard moments. And so you've got to push yourself. And I think it's when you give up. It is. And that's the dark side of what men we struggle with. We don't really know where to turn. And it's easy for us to give up. Right. And what we don't realize is that, you know, when we give up and we decide to self-delete or we decide to, you know, take our lives that there's a world of hurt that we leave behind. You leave behind, yeah. A world of hurt that we leave behind.

14:52 Tyler And it's very simple to humble ourselves and ask for help. It is. So we, and we brought this up in the first episode and we talked about how often you knew that like your dad wasn't going to stop and ask for directions. Yes. You get on the road trip and you're like, that plays out in so many different ways. But when we bring it to what if your father, what if your husband, what if your brother, what if your friend who's a man, what if he's just on autopilot? He's on autopilot and he doesn't know how to communicate. He doesn't know how to show thanks to what he has going for him because in that moment, he's lost in his own feelings, in his own personal demons. And what if you just telling him, hey, I'm thankful for you. Yeah. I'm thankful that you're here. Just that little thing could like trigger our instincts to be like, yeah, I am thankful. Yes. Somebody is thankful. Yes. I have somebody, I have people that are grateful that I'm in their life. Right. And it's not always fun. Life is not always fun. Right. But there's always fun to be had in the right environment.

16:13 Danny Yeah. Right. Yes. It kind of reminds me of this story and I'm going to get it wrong, but I'm going to tell the story anyway because it's kind of interesting. I think it's about a guy named Jerry. He owns a restaurant and he's one of those guys that has just kind of this perpetual attitude of gratitude. Always, always happy. I think if you were to talk to him and you were to be like, how are you doing? He's like, if I were any happier, I'd be twins. The kind of guy that's always like almost toxic positivity. Sure, sure. Yeah. You know, he's running this restaurant in, I believe it's somewhere in LA and not a very great part of town, but one day he's closing up shop and one of his workers does something that's kind of a no-no and they prop the back door open to take the trash out. As it's propped open, some guys come in and they rob the place and during the robbery, he's shot. Oh, Jerry is. Yeah, yeah. This manager of this restaurant, this owner of this restaurant, he's shot. Luckily, the paramedics get there, they're working on him and they're like, are you allergic to any drugs or anything like that? He's like, yeah, I'm allergic to bullets. You know, so just kind of continuing that positivity even in those dire situations. Yeah, and I know I kind of butchered that story, there's probably more to it, but like finding something where you can just change your perspective. Yeah. And if you can change to a little bit of gratitude, if you can just find that little seed of gratitude inside of yourself, you can change your perspective on just a traumatic trajectory. And I would imagine somebody like you, you route a lot of planes. Right. What happens if you make a degree of change in a plane's trajectory?

18:02 Tyler Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like a pi effect. Right. So like if you turn, it really is, if you turn somebody like maybe five degrees, initially, it doesn't look like much. Right. But in 20, 30, 40, 50, 60 miles, that turn has created a lot of separation, right? Right. And it is a good analogy, because you may not notice instantly that things are changing. It may be just a small, small like feeling like, oh, that felt better. I feel better. Yeah. And then you look back two, three, four years later, and you're like, man, look how far I have come from that point of despair that I was in.

18:46 Danny Right. Is the difference between ending up in Dallas instead of Detroit? Always. Right. For sure. Five degrees. Yeah, five degrees. Is it? That's all it would take to have a catastrophic, you know?

18:58 Tyler Yeah. What a cool, yeah, such a cool analogy. Yeah, it really is. It is. I don't ever find too many parallels in my day job. And probably it's because like I've done it for so long, but that was a really cool analogy. And I really appreciate that because I'm going to use that. You're not going to take poetic license on that.

19:19 Danny I don't know that I can, but I think that's it. And as we look towards building a practice of gratitude, where can you start? Where do you start? And it is just something simple like being grateful for our breath. But I think you should work in a deliberate gratitude practice. Whether it's you starting your day with breath work and then at the end of the thing, at the end of your time, just shouting three things you're grateful for. Yeah. If it's, you know, I like to do this thing with my kids at dinner time where we do a rose and a thorn. Right. You know, we start with a thorn. What is something that really kind of pricked you and irritated you about today? And then what is the rose? What is something that's good, that was good as part of your day? And we'll each go around the table and we'll share that rose and thorn. And it's an effort to help them see that there is going to be, life is unpredictable. It is. It's unpredictable. But we are ultimately in control of our minds and we're ultimately in control of the outcome. And, you know, by expressing gratitude and by thinking positively, we can change our outlook on life.

20:32 Tyler It's true. I remember one time, it was either Professor Sauer or our professor. It might've even been some, I can't exactly, but what they said was you have one mouth, two ears. Yeah. Right. So when we listen and we hear, when I listen to you and I take a moment to listen to what you're saying and I digest what you're saying, I'm giving you the sensation of what you're telling me, I'm thankful and grateful for what you're telling me. Right. If I'm over talking to you, if I'm, and we do this, this is just part of, like I don't know if it's a culture thing, I don't know if it's just Americans, but it's hard for me to remember my thought while I'm listening to you. So I want to kind of interject. Plus, like I'm excited about some of the things that you say. Yeah. And if you give a person the space to tell you the good, the bad, and you give them the space, like something good, something bad, and they are able to say them out loud, it gives them this like great feeling that you care about them. Yeah. And that's where it starts, right? Gratitude shows caring. And having a good practice of gratitude is going to start with yourself, that you care about yourself enough to like make changes, to find positives, knowing that there's going to be negatives, like we talked about before. Tyler and I are huge believers in your central nervous system. Your central nervous system is aligned, and sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down. But what can happen is you can be on a lower side of your central nervous system, where you still feel like you're having peaks and valleys. And we may be in a lull that we need to get up. And so, what you are looking for is somebody to give you space to speak and to tell your feelings so that you can remember to love yourself. Yeah. And now, we can go back, then we've recycled, we've reset, and we're grateful for a waking up.

22:48 Danny We're grateful for the breath, we're grateful for the little things that we have. That's interesting because I found another quote as I was kind of preparing for this episode. It's, your path to improvement is hidden in your pleasure and not your discontent. Do you ever walk off the mat unhappy with your performance and you realize, well, what did I learn? And you probably did learn something, but you're so focused on the discontent. It's just like, it's like riding or driving a car. When you take your eyes off of the road, you may start to swerve. Again, going back to that few degrees of change. I think the other thing that it's easier to be grateful when you've come up from nothing, when you've had nothing, if you've experienced nothing. And I think, in the United States specifically, we have a lot. Right. And so, it's very easy to get caught up in excess. Right. And we don't take into account the many things we have to be grateful for.

23:48 Tyler Yeah, it's true. It's true. It's very true. And there are people that you know when they come from nothing and they work their ass off because they're like, man, I want to improve myself and improve my life. I always wonder, you know, whenever I'm, and I've always thought to myself, I've seen episodes and stories of things, but like whenever I drive past somebody that's homeless or somebody that's, you could tell they're struggling. I've always wondered, how did they get there? Yeah. How did they get there? What happened to make them get to that point? And it always reminds me to be thankful for what I have. Yeah.

24:35 Danny Right? Like you're saying, like, your path, say it one more time, the path is to… Yeah. So, I'm going to have to look up the quote again because I got the brain of a goldfish. Right? Your path to improvement is hidden in your pleasure and not your discontent. That's so true. Your path to improvement is hidden in your pleasure and not your discontent.

24:54 Tyler And so, like, are you looking at the good stuff or are you only looking at the bad stuff? Right. Because when we start looking at the bad stuff, when we start going down with all the negative feelings that we already have, then we can end up making it so that we're not looking at all the positives in our life.

25:15 Danny And it can be detrimental to build that pattern. Yeah. To give that pattern a voice, right? To give that weakness a voice. It can take over. It can take over. And when we burn a neural pathway, it's there forever. You're right. You know? And that's why things like alcoholics are anonymous. It's day by day, little steps at a time, right? Because that desire to go back to that pattern of alcoholism is always there because we've built that neural pathway. If you've ever known somebody who's smoked before, right? How hard is it for them to kick the habit? One, it's really hard. But two, that desire for them to smoke is always there, right? Even though they've quit the habit, they still have to go back to those little steps. And so, it's just to demonstrate the power of our brain to build those patterns.

26:09 Tyler Yeah, it's so true. It is true. It's true that if you have a good practice, you almost miss that practice, that good practice, if you don't do it. Like I was saying, if I don't do it in the morning, if I don't do my practice in the morning, I almost miss it. I'm like, man, I really wish I could go back to this morning and recreate this morning and start over again, right? Just the same as negative behaviors, you can get addicted or feel that that's just part of your psyche, right? I need that. I need to have these negative feelings and these negative thoughts because that's the only way I'm functioning right now. And so, you're going into your brain

26:56 Danny and into your own psyche of self-detriment, self-hate, self-hurt, and we start with ourselves. Yeah. And what do you gain by being in that space? Yeah. Nothing. I mean, according to the quote, it's our discontent. I've never been motivated to change. I've been motivated plenty to change jobs because I was unhappy. But my desire to like really make change in my life has been those moments where I really want to improve. I really want to get that next stripe. I really want to set a new personal record. And so, that's where we've got to start. We've got to start with small

27:38 Tyler sips. Yeah, for sure. And save those little, save those grips. Save those grips. And honestly, like we've touched on already, finding people, like-minded people, like-minded mindsets, and having them hold you accountable, be your accountability board sometimes when you are struggling. With my wife and I, we are working hard this year on taking the time to not react to each other. If we are in a moment where we're not agreeing, we'll say, okay, we're going to pause for a second. We're going to reflect a little bit, and we're going to see if this really requires us to put some energy into it, angry energy, right? Or can we get through what we're talking about? And we had a conversation on Friday. It was not that fun for me in the moment because I was a little like, I was caught off guard with some of the things that we were talking about. And when I stopped for a minute and just thought about what she said, I was able to think, I don't need to be that angry about what came into it, right? Because I'm grateful that she was able to tell me her feelings, right? And as you work and as you grow, you're going to find these little victories. You're going to find victories. You just have to be able to see the victories. You have to be able to be clear-minded enough to say, okay, in the moment, not happy, but my whole life is good, and I've got to give some gratitude and some appreciation to what's going on. Same thing happens on a smaller scale on the Jiu-Jitsu match.

29:28 Danny Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. And I don't know that it, I mean, Jiu-Jitsu is such a part of my life that I don't know that it's a small scale. Yeah, I think you definitely can, man, let those things just overwhelm you, right? And so finding the way to celebrate the small wins, just the small things. And that could be the start of your gratitude practice, right? Instead of focusing on the negative, instead of, you know, they say that there's what? There's people that are, the glass is half full. Right, yeah, for sure. The glass is half empty. Well, it's just a matter of mindset, is it not? Right. Like, I'm willing to debate anyone in the comments or anyone in that it is. It's just a mindset. There is some cognitive diffusion that we need to overcome to change that mindset. We could all be the glass is half full type of people. Right. We have to choose to be. We have to consciously make the choice. We have to see the positive. Hey, I only have half a glass of water. That's enough water. You know, not in the desert. I can detach and say I'm not

30:32 Tyler in the desert. Right. You know, begging, begging for water. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. So what? And so with, with your own, with your own self, with your, with Tyler, because some Tyler, some of your traumas are, are different than mine. Absolutely. Right. And we are in different journeys, different parts of our journey and Jijitsu. Right. But even then, how are you able to self-regulate when you are really struggling with, with some of the traumas that you still have going on? Sure. You know, things that like trigger you when you're going on. I really honestly would like to give you and Cami a huge, huge props about this weekend. Yeah. I really believed that when I came over here, like I didn't have any kind of pre pre pre noted notions or anything like that. And I had never met Cami, but you guys did such a good job of being adults in, in that for, for Brynn's party. And I was, we were, I was both missing. I were like, man, that was really fun.

31:38 Danny It was a really fun time. Well, I think, thank you. So for context, for our listeners and those watching the YouTube, we celebrated the graduation of my oldest daughter, Brynn. Congratulations. Super excited for this next chapter of your life. As you head off to, to college at Utah State, super, super excited for the hard work you've put in. But it was our first really family gathering to celebrate post, post divorce. And, you know, I grew up where divorce was a trauma in my life. Right. You know, watching my parents navigate the heartache that is, that is divorce. It's, it's heartbreaking no matter what for everybody. Right. To be able to do it amicably is, is a challenge to realize that what I resist, what I resisted in the divorce was really had more to do with me and my attachment style and what I, the, the fantasy, and I don't want to call it a fantasy because I was working towards it, right. But the, the reality I was trying to create and the, the adjustments to the reality that is, you know, I had to realize that, that this one, that day was not about me. Right. That day is not about me and what I can, I, what can I provide that, that would make the day special for this person that is worth celebrating, this person that has worked really hard. And, you know, I'm, I'm grateful that it, it did, it went off as, as beautifully as it did. And that was awesome. A lot of that is a credit to, to, to Cami and, and her family and for all of the people that, that helped kind of set up the party and, and, you know, came together. And, and, you know, you, you have to make a conscious decision to sit, to realize that like my anger is really coming from a place of fear. My, and, and my anger is, is, is attached to all of these, these things, these experiences, these experiences don't really define me. Right. The experience isn't, isn't who I am. The experience is just a learning moment. So if I can detach from the personalization of, oh, I'm now divorced or I'm now I'm, and I can act more on my principles, the principles will never change. Even though I, as a human may have, you know, some fluctuations in my mood or in my nervous system or in, in how I'm thinking or feeling that day. So it was, it was about one, making sure that the emphasis is, was not me, making sure that it was about creating a pleasant environment for everybody who attended. And then from there, I could just really relax. I didn't have to be anything. I didn't have to do anything, but open my home and share, share a space with, with people who want to celebrate Brynn. Right. And so it was, we had, we had a great time and was super grateful that you, you showed out to, to, to celebrate her. And yeah, we have plenty of food left over.

34:33 Tyler No, it was good. And, and to, to wrap that back around into gratefulness is when you can see the situation through the eyes of being happy and grateful, it changes your mood. It changes your mindset. It changes, it changes how you approach things. And then what happens, the people that come in are already like excited, but they, they don't know what to expect either. So what happens there already, they're like, Oh, this is amazing. This is fun. This, I'm having a good time and I don't want to leave. I don't want to, I don't want to leave this party, this, this journey. I want to be a part of it because it's fun and I'm having a good time. And so when you can scale that back, scale that down to just finding something that you're happy, something that you're grateful for, you can change that little tiny trajectory. Like Tyler was so great. This is awesome to compare to my job, but it does, it changes the entire trajectory of how things can go. And if you were expecting it to be bad, it can all of a sudden be one of the greatest experiences that you could have had. And the people around you, Brynn, the people around her are going to go, that was such a good time. And I'm so grateful for it.

35:52 Danny Yeah, I think that's it. Like if I were to focus on the negative, Oh, this is crappy. I have to be around all these people and it would be reflecting my own internal wounding around divorce, around what I believe the divorce meant, what I believed. And what I'm realizing is that, what were the reasons we separated? What were the reasons that we went through this painful process? We were because we were too young and immature at the time to really even engage in that social contract. We didn't understand what it meant. And so I've had to do a lot of reframing and reflecting obviously, I realized that not everybody has that ability, but it does really start with one simple step. It does. And that's reframing the problem, detaching and gaining a different perspective on the situation. They say, we kind of all meet at this intersection of life. Have you ever met at a four way stop and you're all, you have four people are there and you're like, it's my turn. I'll go. It's true with our relationships in life. We have this kind of great intersectionality where we all have different views as we look down that intersection. And if we can stop and not project our views onto anyone else and try to gain a bigger picture, we can see the intersection for what it is. The intersections of life, your life experiences have framed your view different than my view from my intersection life. And so a lot of it is slowing down to just reframe and reflect or attach and gain

37:28 Tyler a different perspective. Which is huge. Huge if you think about it, because you can do it in the smallest, smallest of your world things that you have going on. And you can do it at the greatest, to the utmost that you can think about it. Because all it is, is just looking at it with a different angle. Just look at it differently. And then some of the things that you can add into your practice is tell somebody that you're thankful for them. Absolutely. Look them in the eye, tell them that you're thankful for them and you don't have to go into detail of why you're thankful for them. They'll know why you're thankful for them. And take that time to just tell them, listen, man, we may not be seeing eye to eye right now, but hey, I'm thankful for you. And I'm grateful for this moment.

38:20 Danny Yeah. And I'm going to flip it and reverse it and say, wake up in the morning, look yourself in the mirror and just say, I'm grateful that you woke up. And if that's where you start, like that is the simplicity of your gratitude practice. You can continue to work from there. You can continue to expand from there. Wake up, look at that person in the mirror and just say, I'm thankful for waking up and for you showing up

38:42 Tyler for me today. Man, that's huge, huge. And I'm glad that you came to us with this idea of gratitude because I did have to think about it a minute. I did have to take some time and sit with myself and think about gratitude of my practice of gratitude because sometimes I get caught and stay in just my own normal patterns, my own normal patterns and remind myself to really look at the people that I love and be like, man, I love you. But it starts with myself. It does. It starts with me in the morning and being like, hey, I love you, man. Yeah. I love you to death.

39:28 Danny I'm glad I took that step, that one step. Yeah. You know, and if you've got a goal in mind and you don't hit your goal, hey, I'm grateful that I did what I was able to do. So as we wrap up today's episode, I'd love to issue a challenge to our listeners, to our followers, those in our community. Let's start a dialogue. Hit us up in the comments, hit us up on our social channels. What is your gratitude practice? If you don't have one and you're looking for some ideas, I think we'll be posting some as we post this episode via our social channels. And thank you. Thank you for turning in. And we're just two voices, two dudes who like to gist, two who enjoy each other's banter. We appreciate you tuning in. And we're always grateful for those people willing to listen to us.

40:17 Tyler For sure. Yeah, we are. A couple big things that we'd like to talk about. We are going to be creating space eventually in a couple of weeks where we're going to try to have the social groups that we talked about having some group meetings together. We also, for our Jiu Jitsu Academy, we are working with the 1033rd on June 10th, starts at 6 p.m. to whenever it's over. There's going to be live bands, food, activities for the kids, activities for the parents. If you do Jiu Jitsu, whatever Jiu Jitsu Academy, wherever you train at, 6 p.m. is open mat to a couple hours of open mat. And the cost is 10 to come in, 10 to do open mat. Open mat is adults only. But we'd love to see people there. We'd love to see our community there. We'd like to see you come out and support us. And then Tyler, what do you have going on? You have got some cool stuff.

41:15 Danny Yeah, we've again, just kind of going on that men's meetup group. We're going to be getting ready to launch our first local men's ascent group here in Heaver City, Utah. We'd love to have anybody who's looking to learn the man in to come join us at that event. Danny and I, I'm hoping I can rope Danny in to be in there with me. But we are going to be teaching a men's ascent course where we can just learn to man in. We can create a safe space for each other to learn and grow as men. And then of course, anytime you're looking for personal coaching, both Danny and I are available for personal coaching sessions. Hit us up socially. We're

41:53 Tyler hit us up. So for me again, it's compassionate underscore gentlemen and Instagram and Facebook. Yeah, yeah, anything you need. I am working on people with some people for breath work. If you're interested in breath work, starting your journey with that,

42:11 Danny shoot me a line, shoot me a DM and we can start talking about the practice. Dude, I'm need to get a re up. But that breath work thing you did with me last time was was fire. Yeah, for sure. And how about you for what's your social? What's your social? Social lost boy scouts, you know, on all the platforms, except for not on the tick tocks. I'm not on the snapchats. I think I'm I think I aged out of those. Yeah, same genre. Sorry, I'm I'm old school. But yeah, definitely Facebook, Twitter, obviously in the comments, hit us up at lostboyscouts.com.

42:45 Tyler Super grateful to have you on this on this journey with us. And don't forget, we train at Park City Jiu Jitsu, two academies, professor has two academies, one in Park City, one in Lehigh. So anywhere you want to be anything that you'd like, whenever you'd like to start your journey, come in, see us and ever want to discuss more show us some of your technique, show us some of your cool skill set Sunday night or Sunday morning, 11am open mat. Yeah, especially if you disagree. Take care. See ya.